Symptoms of Controlling Wife

Are you a controlling wife? Would your husband agree with you? Well we (the WIFES) just went over a few symptoms that if you have .... you just might be a controlling wife! You might want to watch this with your hubby! Remember - we aren't experts, just wives!

Some of the topics we talked about was 1) Belittling him, putting him down in front of his friends, family or just all the time. 2) Questioning - constant nagging, asking question you know the answers too. 3) Clingy - do you really have to go EVERYWHERE he goes. Come on now. Don't you want your own ME TIME? 4) Head of Household - why do you try to over power him and play the male role. Let him be the man. There are more symptoms, but what do you think they are?

If I could change one thing about my spouse - just one thing.

I know what the title says, "If I could change one thing about my spouse." Now I am not saying it's only one thing to change, there's a few. *SN - He had a good father's day today too. From beginning to end, I think he would say, we (the kids and I) made him smile.* Now, back to the topic. Because I said if I could change ONE thing, I am just going to talk about one thing today. And that is "GETS ME." If I could change one thing, it would be that he just gets me. My husband knows me, loves me, he's in love me, I make him laugh daily, we have great common goals, but I wish he really GOT ME. I wish he would finish my sentences, and know what I am thinking so he doesn't always have to ask, "What are you thinking about?" When he asks me, "What's wrong?" I want him to already know so he doesn't even have to ask, because he GETS ME.

Please don't get the impression that my husband doesn't know me. He does. He knows when I am excited, sad, irritated, mad, have an attitude, being sneaky, quite for a reason and pissed off with him! But it's that extra UMPH- that if he knew that extra UMPH, in my mind it would all be perfect....And maybe I am not explaining it correctly. Or maybe the married ladies reading this already know what I am talking about and understand completely. Maybe that UMPH will come with time. Maybe. I will just leave it at that.

Feel free to write about your one thing. **Also, the blog was designed for comments. I enjoy the emails and the calls about how much you enjoy the blog, BUT other women need to hear what you have to say. It was created for MARRIED WOMEN ... not created for you to just FOLLOW ME!** I do thank you for your support.

10 reasons SHE (for the fellas) might not be the one!

Hello All,

We had fun doing this video! The topic for today is, Reasons SHE (for the fellas) might not be the one!

Here are just some of the things we talked about 1. Clean the house (she doesn't have a desire). 2. Name of another dude tattoos on her neck 3. If all the dudes in the club know her name! 4. She doesn't have confidence (in her own sexy), you always have to reassure here. 5. Her best pair of shoes are Air Jordans 6. selfish 7. She dresses better than the inside of her house looks.Ok...... we got stuck! You can add the rest!

**I hope and pray no one gets upset! We are just having fun and we are not experts, that's why we had a man on there! **

Is your marriage a JOB or a Career?

* Had a great - long weekend. I also saw Karate Kid with my husband and son. Two words: LOVED IT. I actually cried at the end. Man, I felt his pain. I was bullied too so I knew how he felt. But who gets the last laugh! We did! (Jaden and I)*

Ok. Is your marriage a JOB or a Career? I actually got this question from my pastor during a sermon some weeks back. When he first said it, I was like "WHEWWW" blown away because I never thought of it like that and immediately wrote it down. He start comparing a job versus a career and then started relating it to marriage. What is the difference between a Job and a Career to you? For me a job is a place at this point in my life that I really don't want to have. If I have a job then it's just a stepping stone to my career. A job is a place that I wouldn't want to be at for too long. And sometimes the job you have - you settled for because it's not the real career you always dreamed you have. Sometimes you settle for a job because the money pays the bills. Everyday you go hoping something better will come along or you just allow your self to be content with what you have because you mind says, "At least I have a job!" Is your marriage a JOB? Did you settle when you married your spouse? Is your mind completely there? Did you marry him because you knew he would be a good provider and father to the children, but he wasn't necessarily the love of your life? Are you always wondering what could have been? Even as bold as looking for something better? Do you work hard in your marriage (job) to make it better or you settle for the current state it's in?
A career to me is something that I am doing that I have always wanted to do. Or have at least worked myself up the ladder to this current position and in some way feel that "I have arrived" or "I am surely on my way." When you have a career, you are happy to tell people what you do, where you work and your struggles to the top. You still have valleys in the career but it's no other place you rather be. When you have a career, if you stop working for one company, you will go to another to do the exact same thing - hopefully making more money! In most cases, you prepare for years for your career. You go to school. You intern. You do your research on the career. You might even work for free just to get experience. You see yourself in that position. Is your marriage a Career? Do you love being there? Did you always dream of being with your husband and now that you have him - you will do anything to make the marriage the best it can be. Do you want to be there? Are you always trying to keep things spicy? Do you feel this marriage is what you worked for? You researched marriage and what a WIFE is, you did the pre-martial counseling (not saying that it's a pre-requisite but in your mind you wanted to cover all the bases).
Again, for me it was really something to think about when I heard the question. I started to question myself and what I thought my marriage was based on my actions, thoughts and feelings. Interesting find. Ask yourself.

How long do you stand by a spouse with a drug or alcohol addiction?

Dear WIFE,

I would like to make a topic suggestion; how long do you stand by a spouse with a drug or alcohol addiction? 

Signed,

Curious WIFE   

This is a good question, but honestly hard for me to answer. Mainly because I personally haven't dealt with that with my spouse. My husband doesn't even drink alcohol! Not even a little bit! Now that I am thinking about it, I did deal with it from a daughters perspective. My mother and stepfather were married 10-11 years before he started using drugs. I think the drugs led to cheating and that is what ultimately broke them up (besides the fact they knew seemed to be really IN LOVE, now that I know what being IN LOVE is). I have really never talked about it to my mom about what was the ultimate reason, but I know soon after I found out about the drugs, he was out of there. This subject is hard because I could say all day I would leave him! But being in that situation is another story.

I think you have to ask yourself many questions: "Do I really love my husband enough to stay with him through this addiction?" "Am I willing to help him get over this problem?" "How will it affect my children?" "How will I help them deal with this?" "Is this an addiction that will take days, months, years to get over?" "Will his addiction financially ruin this household?" "Can we recover?" "Is this worth it?" "Can I trust God to deliver my spouse?" "If he relapses, can I handle starting over helping him again?" I really can't put a time stamp on this question. The answer is more about what's in the heart of the WIFE (or hubby) whose dealing with a spouse that is struggling with an addiction. In your heart or gut, you know your limits and how much you can take. I do hope some women out there who read this, really comment and give you a better answer. God Bless you.

Beauty Secrets Part 1.wmv

Good day all,

The most recent two videos are fun videos! The WIFES wanted to share beauty secrets, and that's what we did. We talked about the things we do to keep our skin, bodies, and face looking fresh and feeling soft!
Please feel free to give some tips of your own! Excuse the actual footage! I am not sure what happened to the tape!

Beauty Secrets Part 11.wmv

Part 11: More secrets from the WIFES!

Sex & the City - SHOULD you kiss and tell (your hubby)?

Saturday night was Mocha Mom night! We (The Mochas) went out to movies and then drinks! Great get-a-way for mothers by the way! The movie we went to see was Sex in the City! Afterward, we went for drinks and food and the conversations began. Everyone had their own opinion about the movie. I thought the movie was OK. Not bad, not great, just ok. I did laugh and that's a good thing. I definitely think the first one was better, but I would say if you saw the first one and was a fan of the show - you should see the second to close it out. I don't believe they should do a third installment because they would really be stretching for material.
There were alot of things I related to in the movie as a WIFE and mother (which is another reason why I liked it. Kinda wished hubby was there too!) But today we aren't talking about those topics! We are talking about the KISS! In the movie, Carrie saw her ex-boyfriend Aidan, fiance, love whatever - while she was on a girls trip to Abu Dhabi. He wanted to go to dinner with her, to catch up. She agreed because she wanted to catch up too. You could also see in his eyes that it was a part of him that never really got over her too. While they were at dinner, they both talked about their marriages, kids, present, past and future. Aidan did admit that she still looked amazing and he can't deny that. The date was over and they started to walk back to somewhere (not even sure where they were going!). But as they were walking back, they were talking about their surrounding and Abu Dhabi - then BAM!!!! Aidan stops, grabs her face and goes in. He kisses her like he really missed her! She kisses him back. They kiss for a good 30 seconds! They both kind of pull away at the same time. Then she gasp, like "Ah uh oh!!" and he gasp like, "OMG, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that!" And she agrees and runs away! In the movie she doesn't see him again. She is literally out of her mind over this kiss! She run and calls all the girls together and tells them what happened and wants to call BIG (the hubby) and tell him right away!

SHOULD SHE HAVE TOLD? WOULD YOU?
Two of her friends said they are really not sure what she should do? Samantha's character said, "Don't tell him. And if you feel you want to right now, at least sleep on it!" Carrie didn't want to have secrets - so she told him. It's so ironic because right after she told him, she said, "I should have never told him!" I am not going to go into what happened in the end of the movie - go check it out. BUT BUT BUT... if the same thing had happened to you, would you have called the hubby up and said, "Ummmm, I was having dinner with an EX and he kissed me!! It meant nothing!" Would you? Should you? Why? Would your husband tell you? Would your husband even tell you if another lady hit on him? The consensus at the table was NO. No because she didn't kiss him (even though she didn't pull away for 30 seconds), he did kiss her. And she did leave right away! She wasn't asking for it or even trying to take it there. Nothing else happened and it was obvious that nothing more was going to happen. Is it worth getting your husband upset for something you didn't start and plan to let happen again? Just asking. Sooooooooo what would you do?

Swizz Beatz Pays Mashonda $334K AND is Alicia Keys a homewrecker?

Two weeks ago it was reported that Swizz Beatz' ex-wife Mashonda Dean claimed her producer ex-husband owed her $325,000 in equitable distribution and $9,000 in alimony and child support. Now, according to AOL Black Voices, Beatz has paid Dean the $334,000 to avoid a going to court later this month. Beatz signed a document noting that he was going against his lawyer's recommendations by paying his ex-wife, with whom he has a son, Kaseem Dean Jr., 3.

Two weeks ago, Beatz told the NY Post, "I gave over what the judge was recommending to give. I gave Mashonda $700,000 upfront, because I thought $200,000 wasn't enough for what she wanted to do. I still get spit in my face for it." Beatz and Mashonda's divorce was finalized in early May. It has since been announced that his fiancee Alicia Keys is pregnant with the couple's first child.

"I'm super-excited," he told NY Daily News of getting engaged and expecting his third child. "People are calling me from Dubai and Japan. We haven't set a wedding date, but we will. We're just letting everything flow."

IS SHE A HOMEWRECKER?
My friends and I have talked about these two quite frequently over the past couple of weeks. It's 9 of us that talk literally every single day via email. When the news hit about Alicia Keys being pregnant, the emails started up again! I think half of us thought she was a home wrecker and the other half didn't.  I don't think everyone had fully heard the story of Alicia and Swizz Beatz before hearing she was pregnant and he was still married. I, like most, only know what I read about BUT I don't think she is a home wrecker. He has been separated from his now ex-wife for a good minute now. Although, the details are kind of fuzzy about the question of when the two actually started seeing each other? Did she steal him from his ex wife? Is that even possible? Was he happy in the first place? Only they really know the answer. But I will say, how you get him will be how you lose him! (That's just a saying, but something to think about!) Also, I am more concerned about why they are getting married? Is it because she's pregnant? I am just asking!! I mean his divorce was just final and you are already engaged and having another baby!! Man!! Don't you want a break? Don't you want some breathing room? Maybe not. Maybe Alicia is his true love and he has no doubts? If he wasn't happy with his ex wife, what should he have done? Should he have stayed with her for the sake of their son? It's so many questions and not enough answers. We all have different ones, I am sure. Well, I am still a fan of her music. I kind of wish the cloud of "Homewrecker" wasn't hanging over her head during a time that should be so happy for her. In her industry, image matters. And even though, I am sure her true fans will remain....she has definitely took a hit. By the way, I love the song "Unthinkable".....the words are so true for me!

How many times DO you forgive a cheating spouse

This video is Part 1! The title says it all and so does the video. How many times do you forgive? It depends on your marriage and the situation. There is no perfect answer. Be sure to watch Part II as well.

Did you contribute to the rise or fall of your marriage

This is part 11. The title says it all and so does the video.

Memorial Day Weekend! Whewww

I can not say I am glad this weekend is over because I did get some well needed rest. I feel like I am finally caught up on sleep. Now I just have to maintain this feeling of being just right.  My weekend started Thursday when my son graduated from Pre-K. I was asked to be the MC of the event. They do a full out graduation, with the cap and gown, processional and they cross the stage to get their diploma and award. They also showcase what they have learned over their time. My daughters class sang three songs too! It was so touching. I cried at the end. Friday evening, my husband and I had a business presentation and then spent the remaining part of the night playing with our children. I told them they could stay up all night because they couldn't stay up Thursday night. And you know children don't forget. Luckily for me, they got tired around midnight. As soon as they went to sleep, so did I!! Saturday was clean house day for me! I cleaned up and folded clothes until around 3pm. My friend who owns a shoe store in the mall was doing a Sex in the City theme and featuring another friends new clothing line so I wanted to go see the store, the line and support. I got my children dressed, then myself and my husband said we have one stop to make first. So we went to look at a car! You see on this past mothers day, he wanted to get me a car but it didn't work out that way because people weren't being honest and he didn't want to rush the find! And he has been looking for cars ever since, always going to test drive but he never says - "This is the one, or come see this one." But today was different. We all went to see the car and long story short - 2 hours later....."My hubby bought me a car!!" I am so thankful and happy about it. My BMW was on it's last leg. And I mean that literally. It hasn't went in reverse in almost 4-5 months! So don't ask me how I drive it that way!! (For the most part, my hubby drove it and I drove his truck) Not to mention the other issues. But my husband knew it was time and he got me a SUV, 3rd row, good mileage, much needed space and NO CAR NOTE! That's what I really like. I haven't had a car not since 2000 and I want to keep it that way!

So after we finalized the car deal, we had 30 minutes left to get to the mall. I was on that highway rolling! I walked in the store at 8:55pm! The mall closes at 9pm.  But the store was nice and the clothes were too cute. I bought alot of accessories. My hubby was like take it easy now, you just got a car! Sunday, I had to dance at church and for the first time in a long time I was really nervous. But the routine went iigght. After church my mom watched the children while the hubby and I went out with the Pastor and senior leaders of the church. Great meal and great conversation. After church, we picked up the children and let my son rent a movie. He picked Alvin and the Chipmunks again! My husband went fishing and we (the kids and I) took a 4 hour nap. Man that felt like heaven. We got up, ate and just enjoyed each other until around midnight again and this time we let the kids stay in our room! Not sure what I was thinking because my kids sleep wild. I was so thankful for a day off. Monday, we ran errands and went over my daughters God-parents house. We bbq'd, and even went fishing in their lake. My son caught a bigger fish then his daddy! Then we came home and start getting things back to normal. I wish I had Tuesday off too!

Oprah WIFE Show Audition is a REALITY!

Oprah WIFE Show Audition is a REALITY! *new topic under this post*
Hello everyone! Please take time out and vote for the WIFE show to become a reality! Click on >> VOTE <<>

The IN-LAWS or The WIFE?

Dear WIFE,
Who should the husband listen to? His momma or his main lady? What should I think of a man that is always running to his parents for advice or whatever? Has your husband ever had to choose between his parents and you?

Signed,
A wife with in-law issues!

Dear Wife with In-law issues,
Oooooh this is a good one. Just looking at the topic alone, I would automatically say choose "The WIFE". I am not going to quote the bible right now, but you know it says "cleave and become one". I believe once you say I do, then your spouse becomes a part of you and should be number 1. Not his mama or your mama (or the daddy's), but your spouse. It may be hard to say, but choosing between a parent and a spouse shouldn't be a question or an option. It comes a point in the parents life, that they have to let go and let live. A good parent would not even try to come between their child and spouse, but speak when asked and let them deal with their own issues. And when I say speak when asked, I mean if she sees the couple having a slight argument in front of her - she shouldn't just bud in and give her two cents saying, "What I would do baby is this ...."

Speaking from a WIFES perspective, I have an o-k relationship with my in-laws. I would love love love for it to be better. I think it was on it's way to being real good but they moved to another state 1 month before we said, "I do." So now we actually see them a few times a year.  And when we do, we get along just fine but it's not all lovey dovey. I will say this about his parents, they do not get involved with our problems. His mother and father are still married and they respect our marriage. She helps when I ask (if I ask and that is few and far in between). I never see my husband running to his mother about me or our problems. I will say this - at times he did call them, we agreed on calling them before we made the call. And if we ever call - for us, it's a question about the kids, food, house stuff.... NEVER ABOUT OUR PERSONAL ARGUMENTS (again, unless we agree together to call them). And honestly, his mother has taken my sides quite a few times! But if it's an issue where your husband is always calling his mother, always.... ask him WHY? If my husband was always calling his mother (besides the regular check up and I love you calls) to ask advice and talking about US (you know what I mean), I would wonder what he really thinks of me, or us! Why can't we (meaning you all) just work it out? Why bring the parents into it?  As for my mother, she hardly knows anything personal that goes on in here! If she knows it, it's because she was over here when we were talking about it! But you have to know my mom to know why!  Hope this helps, and I hope some WIFES chime in. God's Favor.

"I bring home more money! So I am the BOSS!"

**Real quick, thank you to all the people that voted and are continuing to vote for me on the Oprah OWN TV Show Audition! You can vote as much as you want! So come on WIFES, blow it up!
Click here WIFE'S AUDITION to see the audition and VOTE!  It's funny because Monday, everyone voted and no one visited the blog! That's fine because I had over 1100 on day 1! Thanks everyone for all the words of encouragement too*** Luv you wives!*** VOTE***VOTE***VOTE***

This post topic was given to me by a friend of the WIFE BLOG.  Here's the exact question: How many wives bring home more bacon than the husband? Do you bring up the fact that you are the bread winner in the home? Do you know if you husband feels less of a man because you carry majority of the financial load?

I liked this topic because many women deal with this as well. As for me, throughout our marriage, it has been times he has made more and then times I was bringing home the bacon! My husband actually pays the bills. I started out doing them when I got married and when I got pregnant he said he wanted to relieve me of stress and he started doing them and I haven't went back. He does a great job and paying things on time and managing the household finances.  NOW, when I was making more money than him, he still paid the bills! I didn't throw it in his face or keep reminding him when he got in arguements about what I bring in! He already knew! Shoot he paid the bills! In fact he was more critical of my paycheck, asking me about my hours and my tax deductions! I was like, are you pimping me!? LMBO!

In my household, I respect my husbands title and he is the head. I have no problem with that. So, with that being said - when I brought home more, I never thought I could now take over running the finances because it's my check paying the bills. Don't get me wrong, at times I resented him or got mad on the inside when HIS money wasn't coming in fast enough or at all. But again, he knew what we had in the bank so it wasn't a real need to hurt his feelings. Now, did my husband feel less of a man because of it....honestly I am not sure, he didn't discuss those feelings with me. I am sure he did though. My husband is a provider. That's just how he thinks, he wants to take care of us. He doesn't mind me making more, but that is not his desire. He desire is that I say home, take care of the kids, the house and do what I want to do. And if I want to have a side business fine, but he doesn't want to depend on my business. I love him for that. BUT right now..... I work! LOL

Children: Who are there role models and are the teachers left to raise our children?

Today's video blog is about our future! Our children. Who are you children's role models? Is it you? Is it a celebrity? Do you have control over that? I hope that I am my children's role model. I strive for that daily. I can't tell my children, "Make me your role model!" But by my actions in front of my children (and even when they are not around) will allow them to see me and how a mother, wife and just a good person should behave. I can't tell them who not to look up to, but I can have a major influence because I can control (for as long as I can) who they watch on TV, listen to on the radio, etc.

Part 2 (please watch) goes into children and the teachers. Why do some parents expect the teachers to teach our kids absolutely everything and impart absolutely nothing! Tisk, Tisk, Tisk! We welcome you to watch and comment!

Children PART 2: Is the teacher raising your child?.wmv

Part 2: Children, Teachers and Role Models Cont.

If your best friend's husband is best friends with your husband AND she told you she was cheating, would you tell your husband? (*And you tell your husband everything!)

This is a good question. This question was given at a girls night out meeting I went to and the conversation was a good one. Even though I might tell my hubby everything (based on the question) I would not tell him my best friend was cheating. Why? Because #1 it's not her business is not his business. #2 if she trusted me enough to confide that secret in me, why would I go running to tell him, whether he would tell his best friend or not. If she wanted my husband to know she could have told us together or mentioned it was ok to share.

We (her and I) can talk about why she feels the need to cheat and/or what she wants to do about it. But as her friend, her best friend, I will be there through the storm. I know for a fact that if the tables were turned, the man wouldn't tell me if his best friend was cheating and his best friends wife was my best friend. He would say the famous words men say, "I am not in that!" or "It didn't have anything to do with me!" So, there ya go... What would you do?

MEN: What doesn't your wife know about you?

This post is especially for the men! One of our most successful post was when the WIFES had a chance to say things that their husbands had no idea what was going on with them. Today, I wanted to give the HUSBANDS a chance to do the same thing. More and more men are commenting on my page and I do like it because it is giving us a male perspective when we least expect it BUT "What doesn't your WIFE know about you?" What is something you really can't tell her or won't tell her or don't know how to tell her?!?

I will give you an example, one WIFE said, "My husband doesn't know I don't kiss him anymore because his breath has gotten unbearable! I even have to face away from his face to have sex with him!" WHOA CHARLIE!!! After the post, she began a discussion with her husband and was able to share it with her husband! I am not saying that if you post, you will end up sharing with your WIFE but ....... just tell us!
We wanna know!

*Remember, you can post ANONYMOUS!*

The REBOUND CHICK & Just Wright Movie Review

The Rebound Chick!
Although I wanted to speak about the movie JUST WRIGHT, I also wanted interaction from my WIFES. So to tie the two together, have you ever been the rebound chick? Have you ever been someones plan B? Most times, you really don't know if you are the rebound chick unless you are lucky enough to know that the guy just got out of a relationship and even more lucky if you find out if he still has feelings for her or not. Nine times out of ten if he still has feelings for the ex & and he just got out of the relationship then you are the rebound. Sometimes men (and women too) don't always allow themselves to completely heal and instead jump right back into another relationship. And try to use the rebound to get over the ex. But it really doesn't work like that. You need to completely get over the other person or even though you are with the new person, you mind will still be on the ex! Especially when you realize the rebound isn't what you thought they would be. It's funny because from what I can tell I have never been someones rebound girl BUT I have had rebound friends. And as soon as whatever it was I thought I felt for that guy or really finally got over the other guy...I no longer had a need for the rebound guy! And that's what usually happens, the rebound gets dumps! But not always. Sometime you marry them and realize after the fact that you married the rebound and now it's too late! Just my thoughts.... on to the movie review.
MOVIE REVIEW BELOW
I was fortunate enough to see this movie on May 6th at a special movie premiere held for the Mocha Moms with my mother. I honestly didn't know what to expect BUT I didn't expect high expectations based on the previews. It wasn't that I thought it was going to be a horrible movie but it just looked like a movie to save for a rental night. I am so glad I was soooooo wrong. This movie JUST WRIGHT was just perfect! I really enjoyed it and I called all my friends immediately after the movie and told them to please go out and support this movie on opening weekend because it really is a feel good movie. You will laugh, cry, get mad, and be sad all within the time frame of this movie. One thing it is not is JUST A CHICK FLICK! So if you get hesitation from your husband, boyfriend or whatever - tell him I said that. There story line has just as much in it for the men as the women.

It's a romantic comedy that stars Queen Latifah and Rap star Common. Common hurts himself playing basketball and Queen Latifah plays the therapist that is hired to get him back by the playoffs. But the twist comes in because Common is more interested in Paula Patton, the good friend (of the Queen) who lives with her rather than the Queen. And it's so good how it all comes together. I made the mistake last time by telling you too much about the movie, so this time I will just say.... I liked it and I recommend it for a good date night or even a girls night out!