A Males GREAT Perspective: For Colored Girls Movie Review

The following REVIEW is written by a faithful male follower of this blog. He wrote me about the movie and I asked him to write what he felt, and I truly enjoyed his perspective of this movie. Enjoy (and comment!)
 
So Tyler Perry did it again. But this time he let the world see a side of men that is normally taboo. It’s an unspoken rule that some secrets we (men) don’t tell anyone. Is it a good rule no but never the less it’s a taught rule. This movie showed how men think. If a woman let you come back after you have left her for some one else. That doesn’t mean that she overlooks what happen. That mean she is fighting against all she knows in order to hold on to the hope that this time it will work. Or just because a woman dresses sexy doesn’t mean she want sex. This movie really put a spotlight on how men treat women bad and think a little kiss & I’m sorry should erase all the pain. Men are taught that if you send roses it will be alright. Or a good night of lovemaking will cover a world of pain. The truth is that society has taught women that if they give the most precious thing that they have to you it will hopefully let you know how much they love you. I don’t want to spoil this movie so I can’t hit all the points I want to. After it has been out for a while then I can say more. I left the movie with a different outlook on a lot of things. I think men need to start raising their sons to be good fathers and or husbands. We have to stop raising them to be hunters. Teach them what abuse is and its effect. We hear a lot about physical abuse, but very little on emotional or verbal abuse. This movie exposes both. And one more point and it’s the most important. It shows how a woman has the ability to see without looking. How they can do every day things, while covering hours of pain with a smile. So maybe we need a new label for these women. Maybe downlow women, the live seemingly happy and satisfied when really down low in their souls they are scared, sad, angry and looking for a way out. This is just my opinion. Watch the movie and give yours. MR. MAN.

Her mother said, "If you want a husband, you gotta start having sex!"

On my way home from taking my daughter to school I turned on the Steve Harvey Morning show, and heard the strawberry letter. Read below:

I am a beautiful, shy, intelligent 27 year old virgin who recently ended a 6 months relationship with my boyfriend that I met online. I started online dating again and communicated with this guy that we have a lot of shared interest. Conversation was good until we started talking about our views on premarital sex. I told him that I wanted to wait until I was married to have sex of any kind. He told me that most men want sex and that he needs to feel close to the person that he is in a relationship with. His previous relationship ended because his girlfriends stop having sex with him. He told me that he respects my views, so he feels our relationship would not work. I told my mother the situation and she agreed with the guy, she jokingly hinted that I should have premarital sex or I might end up alone. She said that it is rare to find a man that would wait until marriage to have sex. Is this true and are my standards set too high? My mother also thinks that I will be missing out on a good guy for me if I do not start sleeping with these guys before marriage. I am confuse, and I don't know what to think. I fear that I might end up alone if I don't change my views. Society glorifies premarital sex and looks down on you if you are a virgin at a certain age. I read your book and I know you said that guys like standards but is my standard unreasonable? Thank you.

The thing that shocked me the most were the comments that came from her mother. You would expect something like that from friends (sometimes) or even guys, but your mother? Usually the mother is the main one, telling her daughter to hold on to her values. It just really surprised me. I am Christian and try to live my life with those standards (that doesn't mean I am perfect, I have done wrong before and it's a chance I will again). With that being said, I would not ever push my daughter into something that is immoral based on values. Having sex before marriage is not against the law but based on beliefs (of what the lady who wrote the letter believes) its a standard she has set for herself. Most mothers (parents) have a desire to raise their children better than how they were raised. Even if they had a great childhood, a parent would raise them with their great values (they grew up with) and add to that. To hear a mother who has a child - who is actually striving to maintain certain values and not settle - actually tell her that maybe she should go against this standard to get something (that may or may not happen) was unsettling. How many guys have you had sex with? How many proposed? Just asking.

Steve Harvey gave great advice. I gave the same advice but nobody heard me because I was in my car talking to the radio. Steve said that she should not give in. If she set standards for herself, she should not lower her standards because a man is threatening to walk away. If she was dating this man for 6 months and he is willing to walk away because she won't give him sex, than he really doesn't love her (because if he did he would wait) and maybe he is not HER man (meaning not the one for her.). One good point that was brought up, did she discuss her choice before they got to deeply involved? I would not wait 6 months to tell a guy I don't want to have sex before marriage but I wouldn't tell him on the first date either. Somewhere in between the first kiss and the first sex conversation. Another great point that was brought up, was that the guy has a right to also want what he wants. Which is true. If he has standards that he requires or desires sex before marriage then he has that right. The tussle come in because - who is going to bend on their requirements or standards? You or Him? If you waited 27 years to have sex and after 6 months a guy threatens to leave if you don't give it up - is it (your virginity) worth keeping or giving? What if you give it up and he still doesn't marry you? What if he does? Is it worth a try?

The other main issue here is that so many women lower their standards now-a-days for fear of not getting or keeping a man. It's a difference between standards and compromise. For example, if you hate potato salad but your man loves it, you can compromise. He can not eat it around you or not expect for you to cook it. But it's nothing to break up over. But say you don't have a desire to smoke. For me, any man that smokes is my personal deal breaker. It's a health thing, plus it stinks and the second hand issues. So [single] ladies, know your standards/deal-breakers versus what you are willing to compromise and stick with it. You deserve to be happy because marriage is hard enough when he is the one, and when he is the perfect one for you! Can you imagine what marriage will be like if you gave in - in the beginning of the relationship for fear or because you thought you could change that man! (OMG that is another blog - changing a man!)

He wants a WHAT? A DIVORCE!

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!


Now this story is not about me and my husband, but  it really did touch my heart. I thought about him (my hubby) throughout the story and our intimacy and even what the wife might have been thinking. The ending shocked me more than anything. You really never know what you have until you almost lose it or actually do lose it. I would have love to see her alive and see what could have been restored in their marriage and relationship. Now I am left thinking what is next for the husband. I felt his heartbreak when he said what he saw when he came home. Marriage is work period. And when I say marriage, I don't mean the children aspect but the Marriage-Husband/Wife relationship. You have to work daily to make your relationship the way you want it. It is ok if it's a work in progress. As long as it's progressing daily for the better. My husband once told me that it's worth it for us to be married 20 years if we get better every year, because it's not about now but about the end result. I was really shocked at that statement, because I know I drive my husband crazy at times. The fact that he still wants to make it to the end and looks forward to how we progress left me speechless. Have a great weekend and have a happy marriage.

My take on The Real Housewives of Atlanta Premiere tonight on Bravo!

Good Evening/Morning ladies!

Did you all see the RHOA! OMG! I will be blogging weekly about it if you want to revisit this site next week and every week! Also, if you subscribe above to all comments and then leave a comment you will be notified (like Facebook) when someone comments so you can see what they said!

Ok. Let's dig in! The show started with Shree acting! She said she put SHE by Sheeree on hold to act! Ummm Ok, if you say so! She said she can see herself getting an Oscar one day! She might. I do believe in positive thinking. Nene starts her scene off talking about Kim being bi-sexual in an article she saw in a magazine. Kim makes her scene debut in a White Bentley! Kim's hair was looking the best it's ever looked I must say. She visited Nene in her new home, but why are they dressed like they are doing a magazine shoot just to meet at Nene's house and chit chat?!

Kim admitted that she is Bi-sexual and never had a connection before with another woman until now. Nene stated that Greg hasn't been bringing in money like he used to because of the Real Estate market and he spends alot of time around the house now. The dynamics of the house has changed since she is now making more money now (because of BRAVO!). Kim dropped a bomb on Nene - she told her that Dwight said he loaned Greg $10,000 because Greg asked and was low on cash! Nene said of course she didn't know that and didn't appreciate Dwight putting her business out there like that. She then went in on Dwight, talking about "If he had $10,000 he would have gotten his nose fixed!"

Kandi made her entrance talking about her new beau and how she met him. She said he flew down there to meet her! WHAT! Wendy Williams said he looked like a opportunist and might just want to be on TV. Mediatakout also reported he still currently lives with his girlfriend who just had his baby. So, time will tell. And I love love love Kandi, she's my favorite even though she is isn't married but I want her to try some different hairstyles. They showed some scenes with Kandi and her new boo. My first impression is a nice one but she surprised him when she said she didn't want to have sex until December! So he said, "Does that mean oral?" SMDH!

Phaedra is a new housewife this season. She is from Athens, Georgia. She is also an entertainment lawyer. And seems like she really has the housewife money we expected ALL the real housewives to have BEFORE they started the show! And she shared that she knew Nene growing up and Nene wasn't viewed as very lady like.

Greg (Nene's husband) said he never asked Dwight for the money ($10,000). He did say they went in on an investment of $500 a piece and the deal fell through! That is a big difference. Nene just talks to him any kind of way! I mean it's one thing when camera's aren't around but Geesh! I felt bad for him - alittle bit. She also said she is not in love with Greg anymore! She is really putting it out there. Also, Dwight said he put $30,000 into Sheree's fashion show - which she denies! Nene and the housewives were at a very nice event and she saw Dwight and went off! Amazing - but not in a good way. It really made me feel like it was for the cameras because in real life would you really act like that! Really? She had her hands in his face, yelling, breathing on him. Good for TV but not a good look.

In conclusion, I don't know, maybe it's just me but this season they seem more like they are acting or trying to act in front of the camera. It's like they know they are kinda famous and it comes across on camera. It seems like they mentioned a few times that they hadn't seen each other UNTIL taping started. So are you all acting like you are cool for the camera and really don't talk to each other until taping? To me the show doesn't need the new model chick (maybe because she wasn't on this episode!) They are fine with the everyone else. They have enough drama already. It looks like this season will be much of the last two seasons - DRAMA! And it seems like we will be there to watch!

Is it ok for your BEST FRIEND to date your EX-Husband?

I was watching Private Practice last night on ABC and the main character Addision is secretly seeing her best friends ex, Sam. You can feel the chemistry between the two. They even look good together. On-screen they are both into each other. BUT BUT BUT the best friend of Addison, ex wife Naomi; doesn't know. Sam is fine with the fact of going public with the relationship, but Addison is struggling with telling Naomi. I can see why she is struggling - that is her best friend! And that's a line best friends don't cross. No ex-boyfriends and no ex-husbands. Because I watch the show, I know that there was nothing going on between Addison and Sam, while he was married to Naomi. The chemistry started to develop over the last 2 seasons. The question is, will the EX wife believe that? Here come the questions: "Were you two sneaking around behind my back our entire marriage?", "Were you always attracted to my husband?", "How long has this been going on?" "What if you have a baby by him?" A friend of mine posted this question on Facebook and my response was, not in real life.

I could forgive a friend dating an ex-boyfriend. I have forgiven friends for doing that to me. I have had two or three different friends date boys after I did. And at the time it hurt like hell. I was madder at my friends then the dude because it was an act of betrayal. Here I have told you all my secrets, good things and bad things about this dude and then you go and see for yourself. I got over it and remain friends but never really trusted them on a best friend level and definitely not around new boyfriends. Isn't that a shame? I even got one back! But that's another blog.

I don't think any woman would be cool with her very best friend dating her EX husband. Usually if you have a VERY BEST friend - that relationship will out last a marriage (if you get divorced!) and if that friend starts seeing your EX, he now becomes a part of your life in a whole new way. I don't think I could handle seeing my ex husband (I am not divorced but I am just saying) with my friend, no matter what the reason for divorce was. We would go from being best friends to just cool.