Monica engaged after 4 months of dating. How soon is too soon?

The news hit the media yesterday the R & B songbird, Monica, recently received a 10 karat engagement ring from her NBA Basketball Boo! They have only been dating 4 months. How soon is too soon to meet someone, get engaged and get married? I am just asking. Do you think Shannon (her beau's name) is a rebound love, due to the fact she had just come out of a very long relationship with Rocko (the father of her 2 children)? She was actually the topic of discussion today on V103 (Atlanta radio station) and the host Frank Ski said, "Sometimes when you meet your soulmate, you just know!"

So does that mean, Monica and Shannon are soulmates? Just asking. Experts say that you should at least date a person a year because for the first year most people are on their best behavior and then the real them starts to emerge. But but but it's a hard thing to do when people date for years, get married and still get divorced. So I guess, it's like - "We know we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together."

I pray it works out for the best and that its the best decision for her. One thing I do not like (not about Monica) about celebrities is how some treat marriage like dating. Married today, divorced tomorrow. Celebrities don't appear to try to work it out as much as the common folk (don't get offended, just a jokey joke) do. Maybe because they have money and its easier to walk away, I am not sure. But marriage is serious business and shouldn't be entered into lightly nor should you walk away from it so easily. Just my thoughts. What are yours?
WIFE
Why Isnt Forever Easy

He wants a WHAT? A DIVORCE!

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!


Now this story is not about me and my husband, but  it really did touch my heart. I thought about him (my hubby) throughout the story and our intimacy and even what the wife might have been thinking. The ending shocked me more than anything. You really never know what you have until you almost lose it or actually do lose it. I would have love to see her alive and see what could have been restored in their marriage and relationship. Now I am left thinking what is next for the husband. I felt his heartbreak when he said what he saw when he came home. Marriage is work period. And when I say marriage, I don't mean the children aspect but the Marriage-Husband/Wife relationship. You have to work daily to make your relationship the way you want it. It is ok if it's a work in progress. As long as it's progressing daily for the better. My husband once told me that it's worth it for us to be married 20 years if we get better every year, because it's not about now but about the end result. I was really shocked at that statement, because I know I drive my husband crazy at times. The fact that he still wants to make it to the end and looks forward to how we progress left me speechless. Have a great weekend and have a happy marriage.

Deal Breakers? Sheree's New Boyfriend FRAUD (Fake Doctor)! Gwen Stephani's Husband - had a SAME SEX fling!

Sheree is currently dating a man named Tiy-E Muhammed, who calls himself a Doctor. The two met during a blind date on the show (which aired earlier in the week) and they're now seriously dating. Well, MediaTakeOut.com EXCLUSIVELY learned that Sheree's current boyfriend was BUSTED for being a FRAUD. You see, in 2005 he was FIRED from Clark Atlanta University for FRAUDULENTLY calling himself a doctor. Apparently he never went to med school, nor did he have his PhD.


Here's how the Atlanta Journal Constitution reported it back in '05:
Muhammad, 35, says he's a doctor, but he didn't earn a Ph.D. in psychology at the school from which he has said he graduated, school records show. In fact, he attended Southern Illinois University for just one semester as an unspecified graduate student, said SIU spokesman Tom Woolf.

Muhammad said he left Clark Atlanta, where he was an associate professor in the psychology department for four years, because he wasn't paid enough and he"no longer felt that spark" from teaching. School officials said he left after they discovered his credentials were bogus. Muhammad, who received a master's degree in guidance and counseling from Eastern Illinois University, said Monday he was unaware that claiming to be a psychologist without a license was illegal. "I checked it out when I moved here. 's not against the law," he said. But when a reporter read Muhammad the Georgia Law Code that relates to psychologists (Sec. 43-39-7), he said, "I'm a life coach, I say I'm a life coach. It makes things simpler."

Gwen Stephani's husband has had a homosexual relationship. Here is how Mediatakeout reported it:
Here's how the NY Daily News is reporting it:
A source close to the Bush front man tells us he's "seriously regretting" going on the record with the publication about his 1980s affair with gender-bending pop singer Marilyn (nee Peter Robinson) - in part, because he then had to come clean with his wife.

In the article, which posted on Details' website on Monday (and will be available on newsstands Oct. 19), Rossdale admits to the long-rumored affair after writer Jonah Weiner asks him if the relationship, which took place when Rossdale was 17 years old, was a case of "one-time experimentation."

The rocker responded, "Yeah. That was it." But our source tells us (and another confirms) that after the interview, Rossdale approached the publication's editors and "pleaded with them" not to print the admission. Details chose to run with its scoop.

OKAY!! So would this be a deal breaker for you. If you found out your husband had a sexual affair or conquest when he was a teenager (and shoot, possibly when he was a little older too) before he married you. Would you then leave him? Man, that is a hard one. I pray I never have to find out anything on that level about my husband. But she will probably stay.

If they guy you are dating (in Sheree's case) claimed to be one thing and it was found out (through the media) that he wasn't, you would break up with him. To call yourself a doctor when you are clearly NOT is big deal. The thing that made me laugh was when he said, "It isn't again the law, I looked it up!" What in the world! It always makes me shake my head how people get away with such things or think they will. And to think, he did teach for 4 years as a Doctor.! If I were his former students I would be upset at that. In Sheree's case, I wonder if she would stay. Maybe if it hadn't hit the media and embarrassed her like it did today she might stay because I am sure he gave her some lame game about the situation and she believed him. BUT now that it's in the Media and probably more information about him came out then he probably told her, she might think twice. Time will tell.

So is it a deal breaker? Have you ever found out anything about your spouse or vice versa that was?
*Inserts from today's blog were taken from Mediatakeout.*

Book Review - Getting to Happy by Terry McMillian

I finished the book and I just sat still. I thought about the ladies like I really knew them. I sat there and I was actually really happy - for them. The book picks up 15 years later from where the last book left off. I think the best thing of all is that I was able to put a face to a name because of the actual movie 'Waiting to Exhale' starting Whitney Houston (Savannah), Angela Bassett (Bernadine), Loretta Divine (Gloria) and Lela Rochon (Robin). I actually finished the 373 page turner in about 4 days. I didn't want to put it down.

15 years later the ladies are still sassy, drama-filled, supportive of one another, making mistakes and working on their lives. The door is permanently closed on 40 and they are entrenched in their 50s as they set about rediscovering themselves as black women with grandchildren, mortgages, failed marriages and collapsed business ventures.


Savannah, who had not married at 40 in 'Waiting to Exhale,' is married in the sequel to Isaac, a carpenter, who builds decks, gazebos, fences and pergolas. He also loves pornography so much so that she files for divorce. Besides, he is Republican. "I felt like I was married to a Nazi or something.''


If that's not bad enough, Bernadine, who had just gotten divorced and met an amazing man, is now a failed business owner. But all that glitters isn't gold. She learns in a phone call from another woman that her husband is married to another woman -- the caller herself. Now, she spends her days in a haze of prescription drug self-medication, trying to forget what was and hoping for what will be.

"He's the scam artist, honey, not me,'' McMillan writes. "I just accidentally found his other wallet under the front seat of the car when I took it to the car wash, and there was the name James Wheeler and all kinds of credit cards. So, I realized this son-of-a-bitch has been playing me, too. How much has he hit you up for and how long have y'all been married?''

And bad girl, Robin, who was about to become a single mom after suffering through a string of failed relationships when readers last checked in on her, is still chasing her dream of getting married. She discovers online dating and is typing her way to love. In the end it amazes me how love, sometimes, is right in front of your or how we settle because of age or the fear of doing without.  


"There," McMillan writes. "I slide away from the computer and try to figure out what I can do to fill up the rest of the night or to make the time pass until I hear the computer letting me know I've got mail. I decide on laundry. I do three loads, including drying them and folding them...''

Gloria, who had given up all hope of falling in love, did get married in 'Waiting to Exhale' but in 'Getting to Happy' your mouth will drop when you read what happens. You will really wonder how could she ever get back to happy.

Though she writes in the prologue that she never intended to write a sequel, McMillan became excited thinking about what could have happened to these women. "And that's when I realized I had the perfect candidates for this story,'' she writes. " 'Getting to Happy' is the result. In this novel, these women learn how to heal past hurts, how to start doing things that stop them from feeling 'navy blue' instead of 'lemon yellow.' We all know that happiness isn't a permanent place you arrive at, but these women learn it's the choices you make along the way that contribute to how often you feel it.''

Excerpts of this review written by Lynette Holloway

What is a good age to let your son start going into the men's room - alone?

I ask this question because I have a 5 year old son and he still goes into the bathroom with me when we are out at restaurants, church or just public places. Of course if my husband is with us, he goes with daddy but when I take him - it's automatic he is coming into the bathroom with me. At church a couple of times, I let him go into the men's restroom but I looked inside first to make sure it was empty. Recently we went to the Center of Puppetry Arts and my son had to use it but my daughter wouldn't let go of daddy so I had to take my son. The ladies line was very long and there was no line for the men's room. I let him go in there but I couldn't go in first because it was a public bathroom. My son ran in before I could say, "WAIT!" I noticed it was a man in there (I could see him in the mirror) so I keep yelling every five seconds, "Are you ok? Hello! Are you ok? Come on!" I am sure the other men were like, "Come on lady!" But it's my son and he's only 5.

I know it's going to come a time when women aren't going to feel comfortable with a little boy in the ladies room anymore and maybe it will come a time when my son won't feel comfortable. He's already started mentioning to me he is supposed to go into the 'boys' room. I am just not ready to just let him go by himself because people are CRA-ZEY and I want to protect my son. So what's a good age? 7, 8, 9? What?

My take on The Real Housewives of Atlanta Premiere tonight on Bravo!

Good Evening/Morning ladies!

Did you all see the RHOA! OMG! I will be blogging weekly about it if you want to revisit this site next week and every week! Also, if you subscribe above to all comments and then leave a comment you will be notified (like Facebook) when someone comments so you can see what they said!

Ok. Let's dig in! The show started with Shree acting! She said she put SHE by Sheeree on hold to act! Ummm Ok, if you say so! She said she can see herself getting an Oscar one day! She might. I do believe in positive thinking. Nene starts her scene off talking about Kim being bi-sexual in an article she saw in a magazine. Kim makes her scene debut in a White Bentley! Kim's hair was looking the best it's ever looked I must say. She visited Nene in her new home, but why are they dressed like they are doing a magazine shoot just to meet at Nene's house and chit chat?!

Kim admitted that she is Bi-sexual and never had a connection before with another woman until now. Nene stated that Greg hasn't been bringing in money like he used to because of the Real Estate market and he spends alot of time around the house now. The dynamics of the house has changed since she is now making more money now (because of BRAVO!). Kim dropped a bomb on Nene - she told her that Dwight said he loaned Greg $10,000 because Greg asked and was low on cash! Nene said of course she didn't know that and didn't appreciate Dwight putting her business out there like that. She then went in on Dwight, talking about "If he had $10,000 he would have gotten his nose fixed!"

Kandi made her entrance talking about her new beau and how she met him. She said he flew down there to meet her! WHAT! Wendy Williams said he looked like a opportunist and might just want to be on TV. Mediatakout also reported he still currently lives with his girlfriend who just had his baby. So, time will tell. And I love love love Kandi, she's my favorite even though she is isn't married but I want her to try some different hairstyles. They showed some scenes with Kandi and her new boo. My first impression is a nice one but she surprised him when she said she didn't want to have sex until December! So he said, "Does that mean oral?" SMDH!

Phaedra is a new housewife this season. She is from Athens, Georgia. She is also an entertainment lawyer. And seems like she really has the housewife money we expected ALL the real housewives to have BEFORE they started the show! And she shared that she knew Nene growing up and Nene wasn't viewed as very lady like.

Greg (Nene's husband) said he never asked Dwight for the money ($10,000). He did say they went in on an investment of $500 a piece and the deal fell through! That is a big difference. Nene just talks to him any kind of way! I mean it's one thing when camera's aren't around but Geesh! I felt bad for him - alittle bit. She also said she is not in love with Greg anymore! She is really putting it out there. Also, Dwight said he put $30,000 into Sheree's fashion show - which she denies! Nene and the housewives were at a very nice event and she saw Dwight and went off! Amazing - but not in a good way. It really made me feel like it was for the cameras because in real life would you really act like that! Really? She had her hands in his face, yelling, breathing on him. Good for TV but not a good look.

In conclusion, I don't know, maybe it's just me but this season they seem more like they are acting or trying to act in front of the camera. It's like they know they are kinda famous and it comes across on camera. It seems like they mentioned a few times that they hadn't seen each other UNTIL taping started. So are you all acting like you are cool for the camera and really don't talk to each other until taping? To me the show doesn't need the new model chick (maybe because she wasn't on this episode!) They are fine with the everyone else. They have enough drama already. It looks like this season will be much of the last two seasons - DRAMA! And it seems like we will be there to watch!

Is it ok for your BEST FRIEND to date your EX-Husband?

I was watching Private Practice last night on ABC and the main character Addision is secretly seeing her best friends ex, Sam. You can feel the chemistry between the two. They even look good together. On-screen they are both into each other. BUT BUT BUT the best friend of Addison, ex wife Naomi; doesn't know. Sam is fine with the fact of going public with the relationship, but Addison is struggling with telling Naomi. I can see why she is struggling - that is her best friend! And that's a line best friends don't cross. No ex-boyfriends and no ex-husbands. Because I watch the show, I know that there was nothing going on between Addison and Sam, while he was married to Naomi. The chemistry started to develop over the last 2 seasons. The question is, will the EX wife believe that? Here come the questions: "Were you two sneaking around behind my back our entire marriage?", "Were you always attracted to my husband?", "How long has this been going on?" "What if you have a baby by him?" A friend of mine posted this question on Facebook and my response was, not in real life.

I could forgive a friend dating an ex-boyfriend. I have forgiven friends for doing that to me. I have had two or three different friends date boys after I did. And at the time it hurt like hell. I was madder at my friends then the dude because it was an act of betrayal. Here I have told you all my secrets, good things and bad things about this dude and then you go and see for yourself. I got over it and remain friends but never really trusted them on a best friend level and definitely not around new boyfriends. Isn't that a shame? I even got one back! But that's another blog.

I don't think any woman would be cool with her very best friend dating her EX husband. Usually if you have a VERY BEST friend - that relationship will out last a marriage (if you get divorced!) and if that friend starts seeing your EX, he now becomes a part of your life in a whole new way. I don't think I could handle seeing my ex husband (I am not divorced but I am just saying) with my friend, no matter what the reason for divorce was. We would go from being best friends to just cool.

Emotional Affair vs. Friendship

Which is worse? A physical affair or an emotional affair? Do you know the difference? A physical affair is mainly a physical thing. You had sex and now you can really walk away and it meant nothing (well it meant something but this type of affair is easy for men to partake in). An emotional affair is when your heart and mind gets involved. It's dangerous because once the mind is gone - the body will follow. Many times people who haven't had sex with their 'so called friend' doesn't realized just how connected to this 'friend' they have become. Below are some major differences between what a "Friend" vs. the components of "An Emotional Affair" really is.

Friendship:

1. You love your friend and you can do anything for him, but one thing you cannot do.. you cannot imagine having sex with him. At the very least, if you close your eyes and imagine having sex with your friend...you don't get turned on. (Okay some friends are good looking and you CAN imagine having sex with him... but you just don't).
2. You don't share details of your relationship especially its troubles to your significant friend. Those are just for the same-sex support group.
3. You look forward to catch up with your friend socially, but you don't keep wanting to see him when you're with your partner.
4. Your partner knows about your friend, also knows when you are actually catching up with your friend.
5. Your partner supports your friendship with your friend.
6. You don't daydream and fantasize about your friend a lot.
7. You don't tend to hide your not-so-good side from your friend.
8. There are more things that your partner knows that your friend doesn't know of.
9. You don't think twice to set your friend up with someone, and you feel happy when you see your friend go on dates.
10. You smile when you think about your friend getting married.

Emotional Affair:
1. There is some sort of chemistry attraction developed - even subconsciously. You wonder how it is to kiss your friend or to touch him. You imagine having sex with him.
2. You share details of your relationship to your friend. In fact, you love sharing your trouble and you love it when your friend listens to you so well.
3. You look forward to catch up with your friend even when you are with your partner. You think of your friend some when in the middle of your supposedly romantic night with your partner.
4. Your friend's name come up way too often in conversations.
5. You hide some information about your friendship from your partner. You lie when asked for information on how you two spent your time together.
6. You find yourself saying the magic phrase 'But we are just friends' on many occasions.
7. Your friend knows more intimate things about you compared to your partner.
8. You day dream about your friend a lot.
9. Your partner is unsupportive of your friendship. Somehow this friend of yours bother your partner.
10. You are jealous towards your friend's date. You secretly hope he will stay together with you rather than finding her true love.

We are all subject to emotional affair, and knowing your vulnerability against it is actually a good thing.
Attraction is not a choice, cheating is definitely a choice. If you find yourself starting to get trapped into the emotional affair world. Make considerable effort to get out of it.

For Colored Girls Trailer 2010 HD

A friend emailed this too me and I really would like to see this movie. I have always wanted to see the play but for whatever reason, I haven't been able to. This movie comes out November 2010 and I feel a girls night coming on! Check out the trailer and share it with friends.

Just a few things.....

Good Monday Morning Ladies.

Today is my 7th Wedding Anniversary. Wow 10 years together, 7 years married. Time has really gone by. I am really not sure what we are going to do today and honestly it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal because we just went on a cruise and had a great time, so I told him don't spend any extra on me. Only thing I wanted to do because we are both at home today and the children are at school, is go to the movies to see Takers. Not sure if that will happen because my grandparents are visiting me from Tennessee and she (granny) might want me to run her around. We'll see. I am still thinking about the fact that I have been married 7 years! Who would have thought? Who would have thought how hard marriage would be? How much sacrificing I would have to do? No one ever tells you that! Who would have thought about all the great things that happen just because you're married as well? If you are single and never been married - MARRIAGE IS WORK! Marriage (a good marriage) is a blessing too. And I will honestly admit that I have a GOOD husband. I am truly thankful.

WIVES READ TOO!
That leads me to my next topic, Getting to Happy written by Terry McMillian, and how this books takes place 15 years later (from where Waiting to Exhale left off). We are reading this book, so please get it and be ready to discuss it! But it's a 362 page book. I am on page 208 and started reading this book Friday! It's a page turner and now that I am older and married I can relate so much more to SOME of the things they say and I have friends that I can identify in this book too. Most of all it makes me think about my own marriage and wonder ........ I will wait for the book discussion to say it. Friday, we went out to dinner with 5 other married couples and 2 of the women mentioned the book club and asked have we started reading the book? OF COURSE LADIES! GET THE BOOK! We are reading! We are reading! :)

FREE MUSEUM DAY - September 25, 2010
Enjoy a day out with the family…for free! The 6th Annual Smithsonian Museum Day takes place this year on Sept. 25th.  You can get 2 FREE admission passes to many museums nationwide!
Click Here for 2 Free Passes and register for the Museum of your choice!
I actually got 2 passes for the Center of Puppetry Arts and plan to take my children this coming Saturday. I am also taking my son to a Mocha Moms event, B.O.B, Boys Booked on Barbershops. Boys Booked on Barbershops is a national, cutting edge literacy program designed to make the most of naturally occurring opportunities for young children to read in familiar neighborhood sites such as barbershops. Mocha Moms chapters throughout the country are working with barbershops in their communities to set up reading nooks with a wide variety of books designed to spark the interest of young boys. The overall goal of B-BOB is to facilitate the ongoing practice of reading as boys make their regular visits to barbershops.


Have a great day ladies and please continue to send me topics!
P.S.
I hear my granny in the kitchen talking to my husband..................I guess I have to go now! LOL

If you could go back in time - what would you tell your 17 year old self?

Ok! There you are with your cap and gown on..... You are nervous because you are about to cross the stage in 45 minutes! You are about to graduate high school. You are 17 and ready to conquer the world. You have no idea what tomorrow really holds for you but today you are just happy to have made it this far. This really is the first day of the rest of your life. BUT WAIT!!!! Who is the commencement speaker? You seem to recognize the person taking the podium. It's you current day! It's you in your 30's, 40's, or even 50's. However old you are today, it’s you! You have a special message for your 17 year old self.


Have you ever said, "If I knew then, what I know now!" I think we all have said it. Well, if you had the opportunity to give your 17 year old self some advice, what would you tell yourself? Would you change anything? Would you keep it the same?

I remember when I was 17 and graduated high school. It was June 4, 1994. It's funny because the very same day I graduated high school was the same day OJ was chased on the highway with the white bronco! But that was a proud day for me and my family. I didn't know what the future held for me but I knew I was going to college. If I could have a one-on-one with myself I would tell her (Lady B) so much! The number one thing I would tell her was to start following your dream today! Don't wait on this great cloud from the sky to come down and appear....make your own dream reality. I would tell her please don't settle in love. If you really love someone and you know he's the one, make it work. I would tell her make GREAT choices everyday because they affect your tomorrow. I would tell her to start saving TODAY and by the time you are in your 30's you will have a great savings! I would tell her parenthood is hard but rewarding and make sure you are emotionally, mentally, and financially ready! I would tell her to pray more and give God more time. I would tell her to move to either LA, New York, or back to Chicago after graduation. I would have to tell her not to change her major from communications to marketing. I would have told her to start a business in her 20's, and be a giver.

There is so much more I want to tell this 17 year old young lady, I am just choosing not to go that deep right now. I actually don't have too many regrets but I did have a few forks in the road that would have changed my life depending on what I chose. I would never know the results of my life if I would have taken the other options. I do wonder sometimes though.

What about you? What would you tell your 17 year old self?

Dr. Oz Sweet Potato, Mango & Honey Face Mask

Doctor Oz's viewer gave this anti-aging facial home remedy and Dr Oz said that it does work! Sweet potatoes have some of the best anti-inflammatory properties. Mangoes and honey fight off free radical damage that the sun causes which can cause wrinkles in our skin and premature aging.

Here is the complete recipe for Sweet Potato, Mango & Honey Face Mask.

What You Need:

- 1 small sweet potato
- 1 mango
- 5 TB honey

Instructions:
1. Poke holes in your sweet potato with a fork and pop it in the microwave for 10 minutes.
2. Alternatively, you can cut up the sweet potato and boil it in a pot of water for 30 minutes.
3. Scoop out the inside of a mango and smash it up.
4. Scoop out the inside of the sweet potato and smash it up.
5. Mix together the smashed mango, sweet potato and honey.
6. Once the mixture has cooled off, apply it to your face or body.
7. Relax for 10 minutes.
8. Rinse the mango, sweet potato & honey face mask off with warm water.

OK Ladies, I just tried this facial. I literally just wiped it off. I will say, I will do this again. Of course this was my first time doing THIS type of facial so you don't see a DRAMATIC difference but I do a difference. My skin felt smooth and it just had a small clean glow. And I am sure if I do this regularly over time, I will see more of a difference. Also, it's only 3 simple & natural ingredients and not hard to apply. I did add cucumbers to my eyes for puffiness and the other benefits that a cucumber brings. I will say this - although I just washed it off, I will still go and wash my facial with my regular facial wash later (Aveeno Positively Radiant). 

If you try it please feel free to come back and write about it.

Have a great day.

Is it ever OK to go through your spouse's cell phone?

Good morning all,

I hope your Friday will be a blessed one and your weekend will be full of GOOD surprises. The topic today comes from a good friend of mine, Tosha! Is it ever OK to go through your spouse's cell phone? Well, is it? Does it matter if they know or not? Meaning is it ok to grab it while your spouse is right in front of you or while they are in the shower? I really think it's a personal preference.

How often are you looking through their phone? Is it daily, weekly, monthly - or once in a blue moon to just make sure everything is on the up and up. It's a difference to look through their phone because you are specifically looking for a number of a mutual friend that you might not have in your phone (that's what my husband told me when I walked in the room and he had my phone ;), versus actually picking up the phone with intentions to find something that shouldn't be there (text, photo, email, numbers of another chick, etc.). Most of the time - people are only looking because they either want to find something or make sure their worst fear is not reality. BUT if you are checking your spouses phone ALL-THE-FREAKING-TIME - I would ask myself WHY? Did he do something that made you suspicious? Did you do something, so now you think he might be doing something (ummm hummm, gotcha!)? Are you just insecure? Do you have a constant TRUST problem? Or do you just want to know sometimes that he is still doing the right thing?

I am not saying it is OK or NOT OK to go though their phone. It's a question to ponder on and do what works for you. Have I gone through my husbands phone. Yes. Have I ever found something I didn't like sent by him? Actually NO. Do I do it ALL the time? Absolutely No. I can't count on one hand in the 7 years (this September is our anniversary!) that I have looked on his phone. Why, because he behavior doesn't make me desire to look at who he is calling, texting or whose calling or texting him. I think my curious (nosey) self is what caused me to look in the first place. You know what.......since the question was asked, I will just answer.... Yep, it's ok sometimes! BUT as long as it's ok if he goes through yours sometimes too.

Funny story - A friend of mine has a friend whose husband had pick up HER cell phone and started going through it! Well low and behold he found a naked picture of Trey Songz and I have seen that picture - MAN OH MAN is all I have to say! The husband asked her to remove the picture! The wife had received the picture via a text from another friend and let the husband know. He still ask that she remove it. And even though it was a CELEBRITY, not his co-worker, ex-girlfriend, church member (lol) he still wanted it off. Sooooooo, if your hubby had a naked picture of Beyonce on his phone - would you ask him to remove it. I probably DEFINITELY would. Like I said, I saw the picture of Trey Songz and kept it moving, I didn't save or store it. It's nothing I would be holding on too for sad and lonely nights so why should the hubby. Sorry I went off on a tangent.

Have a great weekend!

Is it OK for your Husband (spouse) to have pictures of his EX?

Hello everyone. I am sorry for the long delay in blog updates but my husband took me away for a week. We went on a very nice 5 day cruise to Cozumel and Grand Cayman (alone) and then spent 3 days in Florida (with the kids) along with his family. It was a very refreshing week. We came home yesterday but my husband had family in town for a championship soccer game so we spent Sunday evening and Monday morning with them. Then, this afternoon we went to a Fish Fry which was so much fun. So tomorrow starts my reality check!

Ok.... now to the question. A friend of mine actually sent this out to me and some other friends and I thought it would be a good topic question. Well, is it ok for your spouse to have pictures of his EX? As for me, I really can't tell him to throw all his pictures away - I mean, I am married to him and not the EX girlfriends. Now I would not want pictures of the EX's in a frame sitting on our fireplace - that's for sure! But I have pictures of my ex boyfriends in boxes - that I never go in (had to mention that), so how could I tell my husband he has to throw his pictures away. For the record, I have only seen one picture of my husband and an old girlfriend or date. It was for a dance or prom (not really sure). Where is that picture now? I am not sure but after I saw it, I didn't go off and say, "OK now you have to throw that away because I am the only chick in your life!" I actually laughed at how crazy they both looked.

Like I said, I have pictures and I don't really want to be told I have to throw them away. My pictures tell a story of my life and experiences, but with that being said - I am not sitting in my living room floor pawning over my past looking at pictures of ex-boyfriends. So can my husband have pictures of his EX? Yes, he can have his pictures that are with his other past, childhood, college days pictures - like I do! He can't have them in a special freaking envelope in his night stand with an old letter! LIS! Because then I am like - "What are you really holding on too?"

What do you think?

Book Club Starts Today - Terry McMillian's New Book!

Hello Ladies - today is the day. The book hits stores so let's get it and start reading. I have emailed many of you that responded to the book club Facebook Information Status.

Please stay tuned for email and blog updates concerning the book and please read the previous post for more information!

Bernetta

You're Invited to The W.I.F.E Book & Dinner Club

Hello ladies!!!!

How are you doing today? Great, I hope! We have some great news! We want to start a book & dinner club. We all know what a book club is but I wanted to add dinner (or lunch) to it. A dinner club is where people get together and try new restaurants and never try to eat at the same place twice. When I heard about it, I thought it was a pretty cool concept and why not add the fun of reading with it. Here in Atlanta there are so many restaurants, that you could go years and not eat at the same place twice. I know that if you don't live in Georgia, you wouldn't come out in person (but of course we welcome you!), BUT that's where the online discussion comes in.

The first book that has been chosen is Terry McMillan’s new book, Getting to Happy. The release date is September 7, 2010 and can be purchased here (click). It is a sequel to Waiting to Exhale, which was actually the first book I read for pleasure. I was in high school and had read many books because they were assigned by professors, but this was the first book I actually wanted to read on my own. I remember riding the bus and not being able to book this book down. The characters came to life and it gave me my first real sense of what grown women go through with men, marriage, children, relationships and girlfriends. When it was made into a movie, I think everyone was excited. Even to this day, I don't know too many people that haven't read the book, saw the movie or heard the soundtrack. The fact that she had created a sequel that actually takes place 15 years later makes me even more excited to see the things that the characters have gone through over the years. For one, I am older and have had some of those experiences myself. Also, I am able to put faces with names because of the Waiting to Exhale movie. I really hope they make a movie of this new book. OK, sorry I am getting ahead of myself.

Will you join us? Will you be a part of this book club? Will you discuss it with us? A book is better when you have a friend to discuss it with! The book is released on September 7, 2010 and we will have our online discussion on October 11, 2010. If you live in the Atlanta area we will be discussing the book in a restaurant recommended by one of the WIVES on Saturday, October 9, 2010.

Here is a brief description of the book:
An exuberant return to the four unforgettable heroines of Waiting to Exhale--the novel that changed African American fiction forever.
Terry McMillan's Waiting to Exhale was more than just a bestselling novel-its publication was a watershed moment in literary history. McMillan's sassy and vibrant story about four African American women struggling to find love and their place in the world touched a cultural nerve, inspired a blockbuster film, and generated a devoted audience.
Now, McMillan revisits Savannah, Gloria, Bernadine, and Robin fifteen years later. Each is at her own midlife crossroads: Savannah has awakened to the fact that she's made too many concessions in her marriage, and decides to face life single again-at fifty-one. Bernadine has watched her mega divorce settlement dwindle, been swindled by her husband number two, and conned herself into thinking that a few pills will help distract her from her pain. Robin has an all-American case of shopaholism, while the big dream of her life-to wear a wedding dress- has gone unrealized. And for years, Gloria has taken happiness and security for granted. But being at the wrong place at the wrong time can change everything. All four are learning to heal past hurts and to reclaim their joy and their dreams; but they return to us full of spirit, sass, and faith in one another. They've exhaled: now they are learning to breathe.

Click here to find Terry McMillan’s tour dates (if you want your book signed)
If you live in the Atlanta area she will be Atlanta, GA - 7:00 PM Tuesday, September 14
Georgia Center for the Book
DeKalb County Public Library
215 Sycamore St.
Decatur, GA 30030

If you plan on reading Getting to Happy with us, please send an email to wife2010@gmail.com , and send your name, email address and city. In addition to the email, we strongly suggest you go the lower right side of the home page of this blog and SUBSCRIBE to either POST or COMMENTS (or both) so when we post about the book(s) you will get the comments once you comment (similar to when you comment on someones facebook comment). Once we get the database created we can send out suggestions for future book and restaurant suggestions.

Thanks Ladies!

How do you deal with your NEW husband when you have a child from a previous marriage and the EX-husband was forbidden to see the children for certain reasons.

This question is a tough one because I didn't come up with this one. It was emailed to me by a faithful WIFE follower and wanted to pose it to you all. I stared at this question for a long time and asked myself, "What does she mean, 'What about the new husband?'" Does she mean, how does he discipline his new step child or children, how does he approach the children with certain things, how does he start to act like a new father, how does he act now that the EX-husband may be ready to come back around? So many questions.

Well I (who is not an expert!) think that you should first have a talk with the new husband alone about his expectations and desires for the marriage concerning the children. That should have been done before the "I do's" by the way. And I think you need to have a talk with the children, out of the presence of the new husband. I say this because, it's important to hear the heart of your children's needs, desires, fears and concerns. They may not be as open if he is there. After hearing your children out, I think you should reassure them that they are still on your priority list and they are not going to be second fiddle because you are now married again BUT they must understand that the new husband loves them too (I hope he does!). Then you should have a discussion as entire family and be open and set ground rules. If he is willing to step up and be their father, then let him. What does the EX have to do with it. If the EX hasn't been around and is on his way back with visitation, SO WHAT! He hasn't been there and now you have a new husband. Let their real father be their father (because you shouldn't keep him away) and let their new father love them too. Don't play the EX and NEW against each other. Don't talk about either one of them to the children. The children should be the focus and concern. It's almost like you need to be like Will, Jada and his ex-wife, putting aside the difference for the betterment of the children. It's simpler said than done because of men and their ego's but that's my two cents. I hope other women shed more light.

Thanks for the question!

Fantasia! Fantasia! Fantasia! Now she has made a song about being the mistress!

This story keeps getting more and more interesting with Fantasia and Mr. Antwaun Cook. Unless you don't watch the news, read entertainment blogs or websites, or listen to the radio - how could you not know about this story. What is even more interesting, is that it's not over! It's far from even being over, but the choices Fantasia makes from here on out are going to play a major role in the outcome of this situation.

Over the past year we have seen quite a few celebrity women start relationships (which either contributed to the demise of their marriage or it just appeared that way) with married men. Most recently Alicia Keys and Swiss Beatz, who are expecting a child and recently tied the knot. Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade, whose wife was trying everything she could think of to keep those two apart! Can you think of any more right now?

Well what makes this story different is that she was not only bold enough to tell the wife, "...next time you get a husband maybe you will know how to treat him...your husband doesn't want you and that's why he's here with me!" Also, the wife of Mr. Cook is now suing Fantasia for alienation of affection! That is legal in the state of North Carolina. Also, after the news came out about the lawsuit, she either attempted to commit suicide or she staged a fake suicide attempt (based on http://www.mediatakeout.com/), because the husband broke up with her. The jury is still out on that.  BUT now she has made a song, "Lucky" in which she talks about being the mistress! Fantasia’s album Back to Me is scheduled to hit stores August 24, 2010. “Lucky” is not listed as one of the tracks on the album. The single has been dubbed the “homewrecker anthem” and will more than likely become a fan favorite despite the current circumstances that makes the song appear all too real. Listen to the song here.


And here are SOME of the lyrics:

Damn, she get to have it every day.
What a lucky girl! Ooohh, well tonight I’ll take her place.
I’m a lucky girl! Damn, do you spread her legs this way?
What a lucky girl! Ummm, you’re the king at this foreplay.
I’m a lucky girl!”

Hook:
I know you got a girl and I know that I’m wrong,
but a hard man’s good to find.
Yeah, she get to have it all year long,
so can I just get tonight?”

I will also ask this question, "Do you only get one true love in your life?" and well maybe two questions, "And can that true love be someone else's husband at the time you me and realize he is the love of your life?" A friend had this question on her Facebook status and she had some pretty interesting responses. Then someone brought up Fantasia & Cook!

How did HE propose?

Most (not all) women dream of their wedding day. We dream of walking down the isle and the dress we will wear. Before the wedding day, comes the proposal. I never really dreamed about how I wanted to be proposed to, until I was ready to be proposed to. My husband didn't propose to me until we dating for 2 years and 2 months. BUT ... I thought he was going to purpose to me on our 1st dating anniversary! We went out to eat at the Atlanta Fish Market and the whole night I was looking for cues that he was going to propose. I was looking in my drink for a ring, look at the server to see if they were making eye contact, looking in my dessert...... and when the bill came and he paid it.... I knew it was not going to happen. I didn't tell him that night I thought he was going to propose. I just went home feeling real crazy. Especially since the proposal didn't come for another year!

My husband proposed on Christmas Day 2002. That Christmas I woke up and went over his parents home. I didn't have any family here so I was invited to spend the holiday with him and his family. This holiday it was him, his brother (his new wife and baby), his parents, grandfather, aunt & uncles, cousins .... just a house full. Well everyone started opening up gifts one at a time. Earl handed me a gift, and why did I think "This could be it!" I opened the box and it was SOCKS! I said inside, "What the world!" But I knew it was a real gift because I needed socks and he really is thoughtful like that. Then I had another gift under the tree! Could this be it? No. It was a George Foreman Grill. It was from his brother & sister-in-law.  By this time, it was not one present under the tree and I was kinda ready to go. So all of a sudden I hear Earl say, oh there's one more gift. His brother goes and gets the big Macy's box. By then, I am sitting on the couch with my hand on my head like, whatever! Earl hands me this big box. I kinda freeze and think, "I know this is not what I think it is!" I opened it and it's this ring box inside. Everyone starts screaming and he gets down on his knee and whisper in my ear, "Will you marry me?" I had my hand over my mouth like most people do when they are so surprised. I was thinking this was something I have wanted for a long time and it was finally here but I didn't think it would be like this, feel like this. I was smiling from ear to ear.

What made me smile even more was that everyone in the room knew except for me! They even taped the whole thing! He even called my grandmother and asked for her blessing! So.... of course I said, "Yes!" and nine months later we had a beautiful Fall wedding.  What about you? How did HE propose?

I got STRAIGHT PLAYED! *Share you stories - single or married*

*Before we get into the topic - TWO great deals for people that live in the Atlanta Area
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NOW- let's dive in!
Have you ever liked a guy so much that you told him all your secrets, gave him the keys to your house, email passwords, let him drive your car, even gave him money, more or less - to only find out YOU GOT STRAIGHT PLAYED! Today, you can share your stories and what you learned.

Well let me say, I have never did any of the above, except maybe let a guy drive my car BUT I still got played before! I must say it was in college. Life is about experiences and we should definitely learn from them. How about coming home from college on your summer break to find out that your boyfriend had a sideline boo! And you find out from her! How about liking a dude (really like a dude, and he gets another chick pregnant and has the nerve to ask you, "Would you have married me if this didn't happen?" What in the world!! And this guy married that girl, who was in high school at the time! LOL (they are now divorced!) How about having a greaaaat summer with a guy to find out it was all a bet! 2 out of 3 of the stories shared, I did shed a tear or two but I got over it. It didn't scar me. It didn't give me baggage either. I will say I am not an innocent one, b/c I did my share of playing too back in the day. Maybe that's why I didn't get too mad! I did learn that you have to pay attention to details when it comes to the person you're dating because whether you believe it or not....it's in the details. Who they really are sometimes are in the words they aren't really saying. The body language. Or even sometimes in the little jokes they tell. Pay attention and not just for a freaking week or a month but for a long time because people are on their best behavior for months.

But I am glad that when I was ready and God felt I was ready he sent me great husband. Of course he's not perfect but he's real and I really can't complain. He is the true definition of a husband, my husband. Soooo, what about you?