Is it ok for your BEST FRIEND to date your EX-Husband?

I was watching Private Practice last night on ABC and the main character Addision is secretly seeing her best friends ex, Sam. You can feel the chemistry between the two. They even look good together. On-screen they are both into each other. BUT BUT BUT the best friend of Addison, ex wife Naomi; doesn't know. Sam is fine with the fact of going public with the relationship, but Addison is struggling with telling Naomi. I can see why she is struggling - that is her best friend! And that's a line best friends don't cross. No ex-boyfriends and no ex-husbands. Because I watch the show, I know that there was nothing going on between Addison and Sam, while he was married to Naomi. The chemistry started to develop over the last 2 seasons. The question is, will the EX wife believe that? Here come the questions: "Were you two sneaking around behind my back our entire marriage?", "Were you always attracted to my husband?", "How long has this been going on?" "What if you have a baby by him?" A friend of mine posted this question on Facebook and my response was, not in real life.

I could forgive a friend dating an ex-boyfriend. I have forgiven friends for doing that to me. I have had two or three different friends date boys after I did. And at the time it hurt like hell. I was madder at my friends then the dude because it was an act of betrayal. Here I have told you all my secrets, good things and bad things about this dude and then you go and see for yourself. I got over it and remain friends but never really trusted them on a best friend level and definitely not around new boyfriends. Isn't that a shame? I even got one back! But that's another blog.

I don't think any woman would be cool with her very best friend dating her EX husband. Usually if you have a VERY BEST friend - that relationship will out last a marriage (if you get divorced!) and if that friend starts seeing your EX, he now becomes a part of your life in a whole new way. I don't think I could handle seeing my ex husband (I am not divorced but I am just saying) with my friend, no matter what the reason for divorce was. We would go from being best friends to just cool.

Emotional Affair vs. Friendship

Which is worse? A physical affair or an emotional affair? Do you know the difference? A physical affair is mainly a physical thing. You had sex and now you can really walk away and it meant nothing (well it meant something but this type of affair is easy for men to partake in). An emotional affair is when your heart and mind gets involved. It's dangerous because once the mind is gone - the body will follow. Many times people who haven't had sex with their 'so called friend' doesn't realized just how connected to this 'friend' they have become. Below are some major differences between what a "Friend" vs. the components of "An Emotional Affair" really is.

Friendship:

1. You love your friend and you can do anything for him, but one thing you cannot do.. you cannot imagine having sex with him. At the very least, if you close your eyes and imagine having sex with your friend...you don't get turned on. (Okay some friends are good looking and you CAN imagine having sex with him... but you just don't).
2. You don't share details of your relationship especially its troubles to your significant friend. Those are just for the same-sex support group.
3. You look forward to catch up with your friend socially, but you don't keep wanting to see him when you're with your partner.
4. Your partner knows about your friend, also knows when you are actually catching up with your friend.
5. Your partner supports your friendship with your friend.
6. You don't daydream and fantasize about your friend a lot.
7. You don't tend to hide your not-so-good side from your friend.
8. There are more things that your partner knows that your friend doesn't know of.
9. You don't think twice to set your friend up with someone, and you feel happy when you see your friend go on dates.
10. You smile when you think about your friend getting married.

Emotional Affair:
1. There is some sort of chemistry attraction developed - even subconsciously. You wonder how it is to kiss your friend or to touch him. You imagine having sex with him.
2. You share details of your relationship to your friend. In fact, you love sharing your trouble and you love it when your friend listens to you so well.
3. You look forward to catch up with your friend even when you are with your partner. You think of your friend some when in the middle of your supposedly romantic night with your partner.
4. Your friend's name come up way too often in conversations.
5. You hide some information about your friendship from your partner. You lie when asked for information on how you two spent your time together.
6. You find yourself saying the magic phrase 'But we are just friends' on many occasions.
7. Your friend knows more intimate things about you compared to your partner.
8. You day dream about your friend a lot.
9. Your partner is unsupportive of your friendship. Somehow this friend of yours bother your partner.
10. You are jealous towards your friend's date. You secretly hope he will stay together with you rather than finding her true love.

We are all subject to emotional affair, and knowing your vulnerability against it is actually a good thing.
Attraction is not a choice, cheating is definitely a choice. If you find yourself starting to get trapped into the emotional affair world. Make considerable effort to get out of it.

For Colored Girls Trailer 2010 HD

A friend emailed this too me and I really would like to see this movie. I have always wanted to see the play but for whatever reason, I haven't been able to. This movie comes out November 2010 and I feel a girls night coming on! Check out the trailer and share it with friends.

Just a few things.....

Good Monday Morning Ladies.

Today is my 7th Wedding Anniversary. Wow 10 years together, 7 years married. Time has really gone by. I am really not sure what we are going to do today and honestly it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal because we just went on a cruise and had a great time, so I told him don't spend any extra on me. Only thing I wanted to do because we are both at home today and the children are at school, is go to the movies to see Takers. Not sure if that will happen because my grandparents are visiting me from Tennessee and she (granny) might want me to run her around. We'll see. I am still thinking about the fact that I have been married 7 years! Who would have thought? Who would have thought how hard marriage would be? How much sacrificing I would have to do? No one ever tells you that! Who would have thought about all the great things that happen just because you're married as well? If you are single and never been married - MARRIAGE IS WORK! Marriage (a good marriage) is a blessing too. And I will honestly admit that I have a GOOD husband. I am truly thankful.

WIVES READ TOO!
That leads me to my next topic, Getting to Happy written by Terry McMillian, and how this books takes place 15 years later (from where Waiting to Exhale left off). We are reading this book, so please get it and be ready to discuss it! But it's a 362 page book. I am on page 208 and started reading this book Friday! It's a page turner and now that I am older and married I can relate so much more to SOME of the things they say and I have friends that I can identify in this book too. Most of all it makes me think about my own marriage and wonder ........ I will wait for the book discussion to say it. Friday, we went out to dinner with 5 other married couples and 2 of the women mentioned the book club and asked have we started reading the book? OF COURSE LADIES! GET THE BOOK! We are reading! We are reading! :)

FREE MUSEUM DAY - September 25, 2010
Enjoy a day out with the family…for free! The 6th Annual Smithsonian Museum Day takes place this year on Sept. 25th.  You can get 2 FREE admission passes to many museums nationwide!
Click Here for 2 Free Passes and register for the Museum of your choice!
I actually got 2 passes for the Center of Puppetry Arts and plan to take my children this coming Saturday. I am also taking my son to a Mocha Moms event, B.O.B, Boys Booked on Barbershops. Boys Booked on Barbershops is a national, cutting edge literacy program designed to make the most of naturally occurring opportunities for young children to read in familiar neighborhood sites such as barbershops. Mocha Moms chapters throughout the country are working with barbershops in their communities to set up reading nooks with a wide variety of books designed to spark the interest of young boys. The overall goal of B-BOB is to facilitate the ongoing practice of reading as boys make their regular visits to barbershops.


Have a great day ladies and please continue to send me topics!
P.S.
I hear my granny in the kitchen talking to my husband..................I guess I have to go now! LOL

If you could go back in time - what would you tell your 17 year old self?

Ok! There you are with your cap and gown on..... You are nervous because you are about to cross the stage in 45 minutes! You are about to graduate high school. You are 17 and ready to conquer the world. You have no idea what tomorrow really holds for you but today you are just happy to have made it this far. This really is the first day of the rest of your life. BUT WAIT!!!! Who is the commencement speaker? You seem to recognize the person taking the podium. It's you current day! It's you in your 30's, 40's, or even 50's. However old you are today, it’s you! You have a special message for your 17 year old self.


Have you ever said, "If I knew then, what I know now!" I think we all have said it. Well, if you had the opportunity to give your 17 year old self some advice, what would you tell yourself? Would you change anything? Would you keep it the same?

I remember when I was 17 and graduated high school. It was June 4, 1994. It's funny because the very same day I graduated high school was the same day OJ was chased on the highway with the white bronco! But that was a proud day for me and my family. I didn't know what the future held for me but I knew I was going to college. If I could have a one-on-one with myself I would tell her (Lady B) so much! The number one thing I would tell her was to start following your dream today! Don't wait on this great cloud from the sky to come down and appear....make your own dream reality. I would tell her please don't settle in love. If you really love someone and you know he's the one, make it work. I would tell her make GREAT choices everyday because they affect your tomorrow. I would tell her to start saving TODAY and by the time you are in your 30's you will have a great savings! I would tell her parenthood is hard but rewarding and make sure you are emotionally, mentally, and financially ready! I would tell her to pray more and give God more time. I would tell her to move to either LA, New York, or back to Chicago after graduation. I would have to tell her not to change her major from communications to marketing. I would have told her to start a business in her 20's, and be a giver.

There is so much more I want to tell this 17 year old young lady, I am just choosing not to go that deep right now. I actually don't have too many regrets but I did have a few forks in the road that would have changed my life depending on what I chose. I would never know the results of my life if I would have taken the other options. I do wonder sometimes though.

What about you? What would you tell your 17 year old self?

Dr. Oz Sweet Potato, Mango & Honey Face Mask

Doctor Oz's viewer gave this anti-aging facial home remedy and Dr Oz said that it does work! Sweet potatoes have some of the best anti-inflammatory properties. Mangoes and honey fight off free radical damage that the sun causes which can cause wrinkles in our skin and premature aging.

Here is the complete recipe for Sweet Potato, Mango & Honey Face Mask.

What You Need:

- 1 small sweet potato
- 1 mango
- 5 TB honey

Instructions:
1. Poke holes in your sweet potato with a fork and pop it in the microwave for 10 minutes.
2. Alternatively, you can cut up the sweet potato and boil it in a pot of water for 30 minutes.
3. Scoop out the inside of a mango and smash it up.
4. Scoop out the inside of the sweet potato and smash it up.
5. Mix together the smashed mango, sweet potato and honey.
6. Once the mixture has cooled off, apply it to your face or body.
7. Relax for 10 minutes.
8. Rinse the mango, sweet potato & honey face mask off with warm water.

OK Ladies, I just tried this facial. I literally just wiped it off. I will say, I will do this again. Of course this was my first time doing THIS type of facial so you don't see a DRAMATIC difference but I do a difference. My skin felt smooth and it just had a small clean glow. And I am sure if I do this regularly over time, I will see more of a difference. Also, it's only 3 simple & natural ingredients and not hard to apply. I did add cucumbers to my eyes for puffiness and the other benefits that a cucumber brings. I will say this - although I just washed it off, I will still go and wash my facial with my regular facial wash later (Aveeno Positively Radiant). 

If you try it please feel free to come back and write about it.

Have a great day.

Is it ever OK to go through your spouse's cell phone?

Good morning all,

I hope your Friday will be a blessed one and your weekend will be full of GOOD surprises. The topic today comes from a good friend of mine, Tosha! Is it ever OK to go through your spouse's cell phone? Well, is it? Does it matter if they know or not? Meaning is it ok to grab it while your spouse is right in front of you or while they are in the shower? I really think it's a personal preference.

How often are you looking through their phone? Is it daily, weekly, monthly - or once in a blue moon to just make sure everything is on the up and up. It's a difference to look through their phone because you are specifically looking for a number of a mutual friend that you might not have in your phone (that's what my husband told me when I walked in the room and he had my phone ;), versus actually picking up the phone with intentions to find something that shouldn't be there (text, photo, email, numbers of another chick, etc.). Most of the time - people are only looking because they either want to find something or make sure their worst fear is not reality. BUT if you are checking your spouses phone ALL-THE-FREAKING-TIME - I would ask myself WHY? Did he do something that made you suspicious? Did you do something, so now you think he might be doing something (ummm hummm, gotcha!)? Are you just insecure? Do you have a constant TRUST problem? Or do you just want to know sometimes that he is still doing the right thing?

I am not saying it is OK or NOT OK to go though their phone. It's a question to ponder on and do what works for you. Have I gone through my husbands phone. Yes. Have I ever found something I didn't like sent by him? Actually NO. Do I do it ALL the time? Absolutely No. I can't count on one hand in the 7 years (this September is our anniversary!) that I have looked on his phone. Why, because he behavior doesn't make me desire to look at who he is calling, texting or whose calling or texting him. I think my curious (nosey) self is what caused me to look in the first place. You know what.......since the question was asked, I will just answer.... Yep, it's ok sometimes! BUT as long as it's ok if he goes through yours sometimes too.

Funny story - A friend of mine has a friend whose husband had pick up HER cell phone and started going through it! Well low and behold he found a naked picture of Trey Songz and I have seen that picture - MAN OH MAN is all I have to say! The husband asked her to remove the picture! The wife had received the picture via a text from another friend and let the husband know. He still ask that she remove it. And even though it was a CELEBRITY, not his co-worker, ex-girlfriend, church member (lol) he still wanted it off. Sooooooo, if your hubby had a naked picture of Beyonce on his phone - would you ask him to remove it. I probably DEFINITELY would. Like I said, I saw the picture of Trey Songz and kept it moving, I didn't save or store it. It's nothing I would be holding on too for sad and lonely nights so why should the hubby. Sorry I went off on a tangent.

Have a great weekend!

Is it OK for your Husband (spouse) to have pictures of his EX?

Hello everyone. I am sorry for the long delay in blog updates but my husband took me away for a week. We went on a very nice 5 day cruise to Cozumel and Grand Cayman (alone) and then spent 3 days in Florida (with the kids) along with his family. It was a very refreshing week. We came home yesterday but my husband had family in town for a championship soccer game so we spent Sunday evening and Monday morning with them. Then, this afternoon we went to a Fish Fry which was so much fun. So tomorrow starts my reality check!

Ok.... now to the question. A friend of mine actually sent this out to me and some other friends and I thought it would be a good topic question. Well, is it ok for your spouse to have pictures of his EX? As for me, I really can't tell him to throw all his pictures away - I mean, I am married to him and not the EX girlfriends. Now I would not want pictures of the EX's in a frame sitting on our fireplace - that's for sure! But I have pictures of my ex boyfriends in boxes - that I never go in (had to mention that), so how could I tell my husband he has to throw his pictures away. For the record, I have only seen one picture of my husband and an old girlfriend or date. It was for a dance or prom (not really sure). Where is that picture now? I am not sure but after I saw it, I didn't go off and say, "OK now you have to throw that away because I am the only chick in your life!" I actually laughed at how crazy they both looked.

Like I said, I have pictures and I don't really want to be told I have to throw them away. My pictures tell a story of my life and experiences, but with that being said - I am not sitting in my living room floor pawning over my past looking at pictures of ex-boyfriends. So can my husband have pictures of his EX? Yes, he can have his pictures that are with his other past, childhood, college days pictures - like I do! He can't have them in a special freaking envelope in his night stand with an old letter! LIS! Because then I am like - "What are you really holding on too?"

What do you think?

Book Club Starts Today - Terry McMillian's New Book!

Hello Ladies - today is the day. The book hits stores so let's get it and start reading. I have emailed many of you that responded to the book club Facebook Information Status.

Please stay tuned for email and blog updates concerning the book and please read the previous post for more information!

Bernetta

You're Invited to The W.I.F.E Book & Dinner Club

Hello ladies!!!!

How are you doing today? Great, I hope! We have some great news! We want to start a book & dinner club. We all know what a book club is but I wanted to add dinner (or lunch) to it. A dinner club is where people get together and try new restaurants and never try to eat at the same place twice. When I heard about it, I thought it was a pretty cool concept and why not add the fun of reading with it. Here in Atlanta there are so many restaurants, that you could go years and not eat at the same place twice. I know that if you don't live in Georgia, you wouldn't come out in person (but of course we welcome you!), BUT that's where the online discussion comes in.

The first book that has been chosen is Terry McMillan’s new book, Getting to Happy. The release date is September 7, 2010 and can be purchased here (click). It is a sequel to Waiting to Exhale, which was actually the first book I read for pleasure. I was in high school and had read many books because they were assigned by professors, but this was the first book I actually wanted to read on my own. I remember riding the bus and not being able to book this book down. The characters came to life and it gave me my first real sense of what grown women go through with men, marriage, children, relationships and girlfriends. When it was made into a movie, I think everyone was excited. Even to this day, I don't know too many people that haven't read the book, saw the movie or heard the soundtrack. The fact that she had created a sequel that actually takes place 15 years later makes me even more excited to see the things that the characters have gone through over the years. For one, I am older and have had some of those experiences myself. Also, I am able to put faces with names because of the Waiting to Exhale movie. I really hope they make a movie of this new book. OK, sorry I am getting ahead of myself.

Will you join us? Will you be a part of this book club? Will you discuss it with us? A book is better when you have a friend to discuss it with! The book is released on September 7, 2010 and we will have our online discussion on October 11, 2010. If you live in the Atlanta area we will be discussing the book in a restaurant recommended by one of the WIVES on Saturday, October 9, 2010.

Here is a brief description of the book:
An exuberant return to the four unforgettable heroines of Waiting to Exhale--the novel that changed African American fiction forever.
Terry McMillan's Waiting to Exhale was more than just a bestselling novel-its publication was a watershed moment in literary history. McMillan's sassy and vibrant story about four African American women struggling to find love and their place in the world touched a cultural nerve, inspired a blockbuster film, and generated a devoted audience.
Now, McMillan revisits Savannah, Gloria, Bernadine, and Robin fifteen years later. Each is at her own midlife crossroads: Savannah has awakened to the fact that she's made too many concessions in her marriage, and decides to face life single again-at fifty-one. Bernadine has watched her mega divorce settlement dwindle, been swindled by her husband number two, and conned herself into thinking that a few pills will help distract her from her pain. Robin has an all-American case of shopaholism, while the big dream of her life-to wear a wedding dress- has gone unrealized. And for years, Gloria has taken happiness and security for granted. But being at the wrong place at the wrong time can change everything. All four are learning to heal past hurts and to reclaim their joy and their dreams; but they return to us full of spirit, sass, and faith in one another. They've exhaled: now they are learning to breathe.

Click here to find Terry McMillan’s tour dates (if you want your book signed)
If you live in the Atlanta area she will be Atlanta, GA - 7:00 PM Tuesday, September 14
Georgia Center for the Book
DeKalb County Public Library
215 Sycamore St.
Decatur, GA 30030

If you plan on reading Getting to Happy with us, please send an email to wife2010@gmail.com , and send your name, email address and city. In addition to the email, we strongly suggest you go the lower right side of the home page of this blog and SUBSCRIBE to either POST or COMMENTS (or both) so when we post about the book(s) you will get the comments once you comment (similar to when you comment on someones facebook comment). Once we get the database created we can send out suggestions for future book and restaurant suggestions.

Thanks Ladies!

How do you deal with your NEW husband when you have a child from a previous marriage and the EX-husband was forbidden to see the children for certain reasons.

This question is a tough one because I didn't come up with this one. It was emailed to me by a faithful WIFE follower and wanted to pose it to you all. I stared at this question for a long time and asked myself, "What does she mean, 'What about the new husband?'" Does she mean, how does he discipline his new step child or children, how does he approach the children with certain things, how does he start to act like a new father, how does he act now that the EX-husband may be ready to come back around? So many questions.

Well I (who is not an expert!) think that you should first have a talk with the new husband alone about his expectations and desires for the marriage concerning the children. That should have been done before the "I do's" by the way. And I think you need to have a talk with the children, out of the presence of the new husband. I say this because, it's important to hear the heart of your children's needs, desires, fears and concerns. They may not be as open if he is there. After hearing your children out, I think you should reassure them that they are still on your priority list and they are not going to be second fiddle because you are now married again BUT they must understand that the new husband loves them too (I hope he does!). Then you should have a discussion as entire family and be open and set ground rules. If he is willing to step up and be their father, then let him. What does the EX have to do with it. If the EX hasn't been around and is on his way back with visitation, SO WHAT! He hasn't been there and now you have a new husband. Let their real father be their father (because you shouldn't keep him away) and let their new father love them too. Don't play the EX and NEW against each other. Don't talk about either one of them to the children. The children should be the focus and concern. It's almost like you need to be like Will, Jada and his ex-wife, putting aside the difference for the betterment of the children. It's simpler said than done because of men and their ego's but that's my two cents. I hope other women shed more light.

Thanks for the question!

Fantasia! Fantasia! Fantasia! Now she has made a song about being the mistress!

This story keeps getting more and more interesting with Fantasia and Mr. Antwaun Cook. Unless you don't watch the news, read entertainment blogs or websites, or listen to the radio - how could you not know about this story. What is even more interesting, is that it's not over! It's far from even being over, but the choices Fantasia makes from here on out are going to play a major role in the outcome of this situation.

Over the past year we have seen quite a few celebrity women start relationships (which either contributed to the demise of their marriage or it just appeared that way) with married men. Most recently Alicia Keys and Swiss Beatz, who are expecting a child and recently tied the knot. Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade, whose wife was trying everything she could think of to keep those two apart! Can you think of any more right now?

Well what makes this story different is that she was not only bold enough to tell the wife, "...next time you get a husband maybe you will know how to treat him...your husband doesn't want you and that's why he's here with me!" Also, the wife of Mr. Cook is now suing Fantasia for alienation of affection! That is legal in the state of North Carolina. Also, after the news came out about the lawsuit, she either attempted to commit suicide or she staged a fake suicide attempt (based on http://www.mediatakeout.com/), because the husband broke up with her. The jury is still out on that.  BUT now she has made a song, "Lucky" in which she talks about being the mistress! Fantasia’s album Back to Me is scheduled to hit stores August 24, 2010. “Lucky” is not listed as one of the tracks on the album. The single has been dubbed the “homewrecker anthem” and will more than likely become a fan favorite despite the current circumstances that makes the song appear all too real. Listen to the song here.


And here are SOME of the lyrics:

Damn, she get to have it every day.
What a lucky girl! Ooohh, well tonight I’ll take her place.
I’m a lucky girl! Damn, do you spread her legs this way?
What a lucky girl! Ummm, you’re the king at this foreplay.
I’m a lucky girl!”

Hook:
I know you got a girl and I know that I’m wrong,
but a hard man’s good to find.
Yeah, she get to have it all year long,
so can I just get tonight?”

I will also ask this question, "Do you only get one true love in your life?" and well maybe two questions, "And can that true love be someone else's husband at the time you me and realize he is the love of your life?" A friend had this question on her Facebook status and she had some pretty interesting responses. Then someone brought up Fantasia & Cook!

How did HE propose?

Most (not all) women dream of their wedding day. We dream of walking down the isle and the dress we will wear. Before the wedding day, comes the proposal. I never really dreamed about how I wanted to be proposed to, until I was ready to be proposed to. My husband didn't propose to me until we dating for 2 years and 2 months. BUT ... I thought he was going to purpose to me on our 1st dating anniversary! We went out to eat at the Atlanta Fish Market and the whole night I was looking for cues that he was going to propose. I was looking in my drink for a ring, look at the server to see if they were making eye contact, looking in my dessert...... and when the bill came and he paid it.... I knew it was not going to happen. I didn't tell him that night I thought he was going to propose. I just went home feeling real crazy. Especially since the proposal didn't come for another year!

My husband proposed on Christmas Day 2002. That Christmas I woke up and went over his parents home. I didn't have any family here so I was invited to spend the holiday with him and his family. This holiday it was him, his brother (his new wife and baby), his parents, grandfather, aunt & uncles, cousins .... just a house full. Well everyone started opening up gifts one at a time. Earl handed me a gift, and why did I think "This could be it!" I opened the box and it was SOCKS! I said inside, "What the world!" But I knew it was a real gift because I needed socks and he really is thoughtful like that. Then I had another gift under the tree! Could this be it? No. It was a George Foreman Grill. It was from his brother & sister-in-law.  By this time, it was not one present under the tree and I was kinda ready to go. So all of a sudden I hear Earl say, oh there's one more gift. His brother goes and gets the big Macy's box. By then, I am sitting on the couch with my hand on my head like, whatever! Earl hands me this big box. I kinda freeze and think, "I know this is not what I think it is!" I opened it and it's this ring box inside. Everyone starts screaming and he gets down on his knee and whisper in my ear, "Will you marry me?" I had my hand over my mouth like most people do when they are so surprised. I was thinking this was something I have wanted for a long time and it was finally here but I didn't think it would be like this, feel like this. I was smiling from ear to ear.

What made me smile even more was that everyone in the room knew except for me! They even taped the whole thing! He even called my grandmother and asked for her blessing! So.... of course I said, "Yes!" and nine months later we had a beautiful Fall wedding.  What about you? How did HE propose?

I got STRAIGHT PLAYED! *Share you stories - single or married*

*Before we get into the topic - TWO great deals for people that live in the Atlanta Area
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NOW- let's dive in!
Have you ever liked a guy so much that you told him all your secrets, gave him the keys to your house, email passwords, let him drive your car, even gave him money, more or less - to only find out YOU GOT STRAIGHT PLAYED! Today, you can share your stories and what you learned.

Well let me say, I have never did any of the above, except maybe let a guy drive my car BUT I still got played before! I must say it was in college. Life is about experiences and we should definitely learn from them. How about coming home from college on your summer break to find out that your boyfriend had a sideline boo! And you find out from her! How about liking a dude (really like a dude, and he gets another chick pregnant and has the nerve to ask you, "Would you have married me if this didn't happen?" What in the world!! And this guy married that girl, who was in high school at the time! LOL (they are now divorced!) How about having a greaaaat summer with a guy to find out it was all a bet! 2 out of 3 of the stories shared, I did shed a tear or two but I got over it. It didn't scar me. It didn't give me baggage either. I will say I am not an innocent one, b/c I did my share of playing too back in the day. Maybe that's why I didn't get too mad! I did learn that you have to pay attention to details when it comes to the person you're dating because whether you believe it or not....it's in the details. Who they really are sometimes are in the words they aren't really saying. The body language. Or even sometimes in the little jokes they tell. Pay attention and not just for a freaking week or a month but for a long time because people are on their best behavior for months.

But I am glad that when I was ready and God felt I was ready he sent me great husband. Of course he's not perfect but he's real and I really can't complain. He is the true definition of a husband, my husband. Soooo, what about you?

When is it the right time to introduce your children to the man you are dating?

I know this is not necessarily a question for married women if you are married NOW? But you could have been in this situation before you got married or help a single lady who is going through this as we speak. It was actually a co-worker who gave me this question.

If you have children, let's say 2 for example, and you start seeing a nice man....when should you introduce him to your children? Now I am not the expert in this category, I just have an opinion. Now if he's just a friend like a co-worker and he will never be anything serious, I don't see the harm in bringing a new friend around - but even then you still have to be careful because children get attached. With that same sentiment in mind "children get attached" I think it's very important that you don't introduce them to your children (a guy you are interested in dating) until you are sure you really want to officially DATE him and vice versa. I don't think it's cool that every time a lady gets a new boo the kids meet him and they see mama hugged up on Leroy in March and Travis in May. I know relationships don't always work out but again because children get attached I would really want to get to know him (without having sex!) on a certain level first. Pay attention to him in great detail; how does he treat people, his family members, his nieces and nephews, his friends.

And then when you do introduce them to your children - pay attention to your children, because we all smile in the beginning. Even on the flip side - have you ever been the new girlfriend and had to meet his children? You were probably nervous, didn't know what to say, and wanted them to like you. So you smiled and played the nice role, but when you left - you best believe that child told their daddy if they like you or not, and the same with your children. Sometimes children, many times pre-teens/teens can see things we can't see because we like the guy so much! I know I got all off subject....sorry.

Steve Harvey (if I heard him correctly) says you should introduce him as soon as you start dating. WHY? Because he feels that they guy needs to know that he is dating you and your children! Not just you. And when he dates you for so long without meeting the children and vice versa, you get used to the person and relationship without children. So now you add children and sometimes that changes the dynamic of the relationship. He makes a good point. So we kind of said two different things, but I am interested in what your thoughts and experiences are.

To Pre-nup or Not to Pre-nup?

Pre-nuptial agreement - *the first pre-nuptial agreement was recorded in 1916*
A pre-marriage agreement, also known as a prenuptial or ante nuptial agreement is a legal document. It is a contract between you and your fiancée that addresses financial issues and any other issues that are important to you and your fiancée.

Do you have a Pre-nuptial agreement? Were you asked to sign a pre-nuptial agreement? Was it ever discussed or even thought about? If you (even if you are the woman reading this) could do your marriage over would you have signed one? Well, I was never asked BUT I got married at 26 and he was 28 and we were kind of going in this thing with everything we had. No, we didn't have money like the ballers and shot-callers but what we did have we made sure and agreed that it would all be one. And honestly, I say that because I know we didn't have it like that - so it's easy to say. But what if my husband did have money like "The Dream" - who reportedly made Christina Milian sign papers in the midst of her labor! Or T.I. who is marrying Tiny in Miami on July 31st! Would he have made me sign a pre-nup then? I would hope not. Or what if the shoe was on the other foot and I had more money than my man like Jennifer Hudson? Would I ask for a pre-nup? Should I?

I say that because - to me, a pre-nup is a secure way out. Marriage is serious business and it's not a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. It's a contract. It's a covenant. Marriage is an economic partnership. You should have full financial disclosure of your fiancée’s assets, debts and income before and during the marriage. You should know what your spouse is willing to share with you before the marriage. And you shouldn't (just my thoughts) go into it thinking about a way out. Because if you are thinking about a way out before you even go in - maybe you shouldn't get married - or married to that person. Now, we all know marriages don't work out - shoot we see divorces all the time - but WHY? That's a whole other blog. But for those that haven't gotten married - really think about this decision, because marriage is not something you can walk away from in one day (like you can your boyfriend!). Divorce is expensive, draining and really brings out the worst in people. As for the pre-nup, I would personally say no because you shouldn't marry for money (only!). You marry because you believe (you should) that this person is your soul mate and you want to share it ALL with him/her. ALL!! You hear me, ALL! Which means your possessions and you’re MONEY! You work to build a life together and grow in every way together; spiritually, financially, mentally and physically. If you start of by saying, "sign this because just in case......you are not getting this!" That means you always have that in the back of your mind!

I would love to know the statistics of married couples who sign a pre-nup! Also if you have that much money and you have to make her sign a pre-nup - is there already a lack of trust? Or is there already a tiny bit of doubt that it might not work? Or you are just protecting yourself? Protecting yourself from what? Your soul mate, your future spouse, your so-called best friend? You should know that person well enough that if it didn't work out that he/she wouldn't take you to the bank and try to break you. Or are you the type to try to break that person. Again, pre-nup or no-pre-nup?

Do you have a SOUL TIE?

This subject is so very interesting to me. My pastor bought it up some weeks ago and finally showed us a video on this subject, on this past Wednesday. After the video he allowed a question and answer period. And boy did it get hot in there? It was very eye opening. I had my own thoughts of what a soul tie was before I saw the video. I thought it was your soul being connected to someone you had sex with past/present. When I saw the video, I was actually correct but it went so much deeper than I thought it did. I actually like that, because it made me think and it made for good conversation for my husband and I on Wednesday night. Whewwwww! Below, I will list 10 signs (based on the video) that you have a soul tie. And honestly, I am really not talking about your husband because you should have a soul-tie to him! It's the one's before him (and hopefully not during the marriage) that really effect you (or can effect your marriage before it even gets started!) the most.

Soul-tie: physically, emotionally, spiritually an individual yielding themselves to another person. There are good and bad soul ties. There are godly and ungodly soul ties. Soul ties bind like ropes!

1. Any person you had sex with - you have a soul tie. Also, are there unhealed memories of this person? When you think of this person does it bring a smile to your face? You have a soul tie!
2.Unable to focus - your thoughts are always on this person.
3. *sorry can't make out my handwriting*
4. Impractical frame of reference - always comparing your man to this person.
5. Fingerprint on your soul - *didn't get his explanation on this one.*
6. Inability to connect with your spouse. - self explanatory, you really can't connect because there is a block there. You are really already connected with someone else or your mind won't free up memories or let go to be able to really connect with your spouse the way you should.
7. Weight on your emotions -
8. Desire to escape from reality - wondering what coulda, woulda, shoulda - and might could be right now!
9. Spirit of heaviness on you.
10. You can sense thoughts of what the other person is thinking. - I mean you are literrally connected like that. I have a friend who is great friends with their ex and they still finish each other sentences! And they have been ex's for over 10 years.

Like I said, if you have some or all of the things listed above, you have a soul tie to someone. When he was calling them out, I was like WOW! This is so very interesting and I could really understand why it's important to wait until you get married to have sex (I say that because I am a Christian and follow Jesus!). Sex with this one, that one and the other one can really mess you up! And for women because we get so emotionally invested, it could really mess us up. He talked about how soul ties can mess your marriage up! It was deep.

Well, how do you get rid of the soul-tie. You have to first acknowledge that it exist, bring it before God and be ready to really let it go. That is so easier said than done. And just because you say out of your mouth, "I'm ready!" doesn't mean it happens like that! Somethings happen by only fasting and prayer, and I am not saying that this is the way of getting rid of the soul tie. I am saying that something as strong as a soul tie really takes you spending some time with God and really being ready to let this person go and doing what it takes to walk away mentally!

Honestly, what do you think?

Who do you trust? Your friend or your man?

I think this is a good question because many times when this question is asked women automatically jump up and I say, "I trust my man b/c my friend might want my man, she might be jealous! Is she really even my friend!" But we are not talking about that 'friend'. We are talking about your best friend, your main girl.... if your main girl tells you she saw your dream celebrity on the street you would believe her, so why wouldn't you believe her if she told you - your man was out there doing wrong? You tell your man (not that you heard it from her, but just what you were told) and of his version doesn't match. Who do you believe? If the girl is really your friend, what would she gain by lying to you? I am not telling you who to trust..... you really have to know your friend and your man, I am just asking the questions!

Enjoy the video..... it's a good one!

If you’re married can a single person be your best friend?

I ask that question because I have been in church many times when it is discussed that Married folk can’t do what single folk can and vice versa. So with that being said, can a single person really be your best friend. I believe they can but it is definitely some things you will not be able to share because they can not relate. For example, I have a friend who IS single and she can kick it whenever she wants, go wherever she wants when she wants. She calls me up and says, “Want go see this show or can we go to this show?” And inside I want to be like, “HELL YES! I WILL MEET YOU THERE!” But, the reality is, I have to check with my husband!  I have to see if our schedules cross, make sure the children are taking care of, etc. And shoot, sometimes your husband just doesn’t want you to go. He might want your time or he might just want you at home! Can your single friend understand that? I can hear her now, “He said you can’t go?!” Now I didn’t say he said that – but that’s how she heard it! Sometimes if you have never been married, it’s hard to understand that you really are one and you make decisions together. Don’t get me wrong – you have your own desires and dreams – but your spouse should be standing right there to support you and push you! Can your single friend (who has never been married) give you advice when you are going through? They are seeing your situation from a single stand point, an independent standpoint.

Let’s reverse it. What if your husband’s BFF was single. He was always hanging at the club and wanting your hubby to tag along! Why not? That’s his boy right? Is that cool with you? When they are at the bar…. His friend can look and touch! Your hubby can’t.

I am not saying a single and married person can’t be the best of friends because I believe they can, but it will be definitely things that the other might not understand. And you can’t be upset at them for not “getting it”. They are not in your shoes.

Symptoms of Controlling Wife

Are you a controlling wife? Would your husband agree with you? Well we (the WIFES) just went over a few symptoms that if you have .... you just might be a controlling wife! You might want to watch this with your hubby! Remember - we aren't experts, just wives!

Some of the topics we talked about was 1) Belittling him, putting him down in front of his friends, family or just all the time. 2) Questioning - constant nagging, asking question you know the answers too. 3) Clingy - do you really have to go EVERYWHERE he goes. Come on now. Don't you want your own ME TIME? 4) Head of Household - why do you try to over power him and play the male role. Let him be the man. There are more symptoms, but what do you think they are?