Good day ladies!
I was recently watching a clip of the new Tyler Perry Movie, Why Did I Get Married Two? And my mind went back to the first one, Why Did I Get Married? Without seeing the second one yet, but judging by the previews there is something that remains the same in both movies; that people judge your relationship and that might not be what is really going on! That can be a good or a bad thing. In the first movie, everyone thought one thing of the others relationships, but the truth was - it was nothing like what they thought. It was always something deeper going on. Now, I am not saying that they should have told it, especially the way it came out around the table like that (loved that scene by the way!). Although, when it did come out, the couples had no choice but to deal with the issues and either fix the problem which would help their relationship be stronger or move on completely from each other. It's funny because all the issues that really came out around the table weren't really even being discussed in the relationship until they were forced to deal with it.
It started me thinking about my very own marriage. Of course I would never put ALL my business in the streets, but people like to make assumptions about me and my hubby all the time. Don't get me wrong, they are good assumptions, but not always accurate. (The bad assumptions, I don't know about!) And you know people think a certain way about you and your husband based on what they say, "Aww girl, I know you and the hubby are going there b/c yall got it like that, I have seen your house!" or "OMG, I want a husband just like yours because he treats you like a queen!" or "You two are sooo in love, you two must be best friends!" Now these are just examples! Examples of how people assume you and your hubby are one thing but behind closed doors something else is really going on! And I am not saying that you should be like, "Girl please, if you knew the truth!" It's your choice what you do or say, but in some cases people are watching your marriage. They may be getting inspiration from your marriage and you may never even know it.
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Chime in ladies, let's talk!
Married life isn't always easy, but with the right person - It is always worth it. This blog is my journey in the mighty married life, showing the good, bad & the great. The hubby, the kids & just life! Some topics are sensitive and some are a blast! Either way, I am going to try to enjoy life!
14 comments:
This is a good one because I get this a lot from my friends (single, married and divorced). I take pride in the fact that they look at my marriage as an example of something they desire for themselves. And the truth of the matter is that my marriage is what everyone else "thinks" it is - for the most part. I know when people look at our marriage and think that it's perfect, they know perfect doesn't mean perfect. It means we have a great relationship and put a lot of effort into making it work. They know that we have our issues as ALL couples do but for the most part, we are in it to win it. We are completely commited to each other and our marriage. And to me that's perfect enough. Now as far as sharing your issues with other people, it's not something I choose to do. When people say "girl, you are so lucky to have such a great husband and marriage" I just smile and say I sure am. My marriage is very personal to me I don't give ANY personal details about my marriage or any issues we may be going through. The only person I should be sharing those issues with is my husband.
I agree with the previous post that before sharing with outsiders you need to share with your husband first and foremost. Just like the key to romance was communication, the same applies here. If there's a problem fix it from the inside. The bible says when married we are to cleave to our spouses...nobody else. PERIOD!
So now on to what is seen on the outside and how that matches up with what's going on behind closed doors. I've got to say, I was blessed with an amazing man. Even when in college, people would say to us, we want some of that black love and many seeing us today say we haven't changed. I realize in that we are blessed.
We’ve had a lot of young people at our church come to us and say what they see in our marriage is what they want for themselves. Not to say I'm completely putting on a front in public because we are very much in love and still all love dovey, but behind closed doors, truth is I'm not always honoring my husband like I should. Sad to say, it’s more me than him. He is a really nice guy and I think that makes it easy for me to get my own way. That should make me feel good that my husband gives me what I want, but it doesn’t. More and more I feel like a bully…I’m not mean about it or anything, but let’s just say as women we know how to get our way. All this is shedding light on me not fulfilling my biblical role of being a submissive wife.
WOW! Powerful comments by both previous post. I agree you can't go telling your business to everyone and shouldn't. As for my marriage, people think we have sooo much money, but really we are struggling (at least right now). We haven't always struggled but it is what it is right now. And we are not a flashy couple and never have been. I just think the way we carry ourselves, our job titles, places we are able to go (on cash not credit) makes people think we have it better than we do. Of course, I am not going to be like..."Please, lend me $30!" But it's just funny.
People think me and my husband are always happy also. They always say, I know you better not leave him b/c he buys you everything you want and takes care of you. But buying things in this life is just materials. There is a lot more to being marry then being able to afford things. I do have means that a lot of other women in relationships may not have but we have love too. Plus being married is hard work. I mean really hard work. We fight and fuss just like any other couple but of course we aren't going to be sharing all our business with everyone else.
When people see me and my man they say you guys look like a power couple but little do they no. They have said you two are the life of the party. But really we can hang out and make others laugh but behind close doors we don't laugh together. I am more involved with the family and he is with his friends. When it comes to money people think he is so smart because he is good at giving others advice but. can't follow his own. I have followed him through some crazy adventures. He has caused our family financial trouble but hey I stuck by him I just wish he would stick by some of my dreams.
So is there a resolution to this? Is there a way to actually live out more fully what people perceive is reality?
Good question most recent anonymous. It depends if you really care what people think and/or if you want to be a transparent couple and allow people into your lives to see you in your FOR REAL state. Or you can really stop faking the funk in front of people. Not saying you are, I am just saying! LOL
THE ONE AND ONLY: ACTUALLY, YOUR FRIENDS ARE TRYING VERY HARD TO GET INTO YOUR BUSINESS TO STEAL YOUR HUSBAND FROM YOU. THAT IS THEIR ULTIMATE GOAL IN LIFE BECAUSE THEY WANT WHAT YOU HAVE SO NEVER REVEAL YOUR BUSINESS BECAUSE NOW YOU ARE OPENING THE DOOR TO A BACKSTABBER THAT WANTS WHAT YOU GOT.........YOU GET IT......I HOPE SO........MARRIED WOMEN BEWARE........
Who are you? The one and only? I can't say I agree with you at all! Did that happen to you? Some friends are sincere. If all your women friends are out to get your man, what is the point of having friends! That's crazy. Not saying you are, just saying!
.....PEOPLE YOU THINK ARE YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT QUITE YOUR FRIENDS.....SINCERE FRIENDS WILL NEVER CROSS THAT LINE BUT YES, IT IS MUCH BETTER TO KEEP YOUR FRIENDS OUT OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND'S BUSINESS BECAUSE IT STRIPS YOU OF YOUR POWER AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW IS YOUR HUSBAND IS LEAVING YOU FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND.......
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^^^ I am 29 and me and my husband have been together 10 years next week and married for 7 years. We haven’t lasted this long by being unkind or hurtful instead we always try our hardest to remind ourselves we are NOT enemies! Also just as much as it ruins it for us to say something to them; the sense of accomplishment when you have put so much effort into making someone else feel special and showing them how much they mean to you gets squandered away as well! Something that’s easily overlooked/forgotten! The best approach to this is to subtly hint at things you like while maintaining a “positive reinforcement” perspective! Avaoid the more common “negative punishment” outlook. “Negative punishment is making a fuss where the other person gets “in trouble” so to say for not doing this or not doing that. “Positive reinforcement” on the other hand is where instead you notice and reward the things that they do that make you happy! (A practice that will also boost YOUR feelings towards your partner because it changes your thought process from negative feelings about that person to positive feelings.) So try saying things like”It makes me feel like your queen when you do {this.} or I would love to experience {these new things} with you sometime soon.” Or you could turn on a romantic movie and vocalize the scenes you like. Similar to “AAAAaaawwwwww!!!! That was the sweetest thing I have ever seen! What a lucky girl!” or maybe “WOW! I can only imagine what it must be like to experience such a personal and heart-felt display of appreciation, admiration and true love.” Let him come up with the “idea” to make you feel just as special. Anyone feels good to make someone we cherish feel special and loved. With this approach you will both benefit and grow closer. I do this with my husband unless he doesn’t get the hints. At which point, I just sweetly tell him I am feeling neglected and would REALLY appreciate some alone time or I will mention how it has been too long since we made time for each other and that a date night is in order. Worst case scenario, you poke at his manly ego and challenge him. Make it a friendly competition. Try saying something like “I bet you a 30 minute massage that I can plan a better date night than you can....”. Most men just can’t help themselves their honour has been challenged and they must win to keep their valor intact.
When you get down to the nitty gritty though, always remember, this is your best friend and the love of your life; NOT your arch nemesis! “Love is patient, Love is kind.....” Above all else remember that you will reap what you sow! Put loads of joy and happiness and laughter and positivity into ALL aspects of your relationship and you can think of it as planting seeds in your garden of love. As you nurture those little seeds they will grow in likeness with your relationship with your partner! Take it seriously and full-heartedly and there won’t be anything that your unable to overcome together! Stay positive and put your all into it!
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