Monday, March 29, 2010

Why Do [Married] Women Cheat?

Saturday night I was watching the Joy Behar show on the HLN network and they were again talking about Tiger Woods and Jesse James cheating. She had 2 professional actors (not professional psychologist) on there, and they begin to give their opinion of why women cheat. Joy didn't agree and neither did I. It amazes me how men (just regular old men) think they know women and what's in our head just because they know why they do what they do!

Now MARRIED women, we all know cheating on your husband is wrong. Period. But it's not about the WRONG today, it's about the WHY? Why do married women cheat? Why have you cheated or almost cheated? Did you ever get caught or almost caught? LOL

What's so funny is that [married] men do cheat more than [married] women, but the number of women cheating is on the rise! I don't know how we know this b/c women keep their stuff on the low for real. I mean how many married women do you personally know who have admitted cheating on there husband! Besides the stories I hear about, I only know one! And that is because she herself told me! As for men, I can count on two hands (or maybe more hands) the number of men I personally know that cheated - because they either told me, or they got caught and admitted to it!

So today, it's all about the WHY? What made you take it there?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

CENSUS 2010: Count on Change!

We can not afford to be undercounted in 2010!

1.Every ten years, the U.S. government conducts the Census, an official count of the entire population of the United States. The next Census is scheduled to take place on April 1, 2010.

2. Census data is used to determine the number of seats each state will have in the U.S. House of Representatives and to create voting districts for Congress, state legislatures, school boards and city councils.

3. Federal and local government use Census information to determine the allocation of billions of dollars of funds to communities schools, roads, hospitals, senior center, and other services.

4. Every time the Census has been performed, the Census Bureau has failed to fully count  Black and other people of color. Communities that were undercounted in the 2000 Census lost more than 4.1 billion dollars in federal and local funding.

5. During the 2000 Census, an incredible 628,000 Blacks, and a total of 1 million people of color, were not counted. In contrast, the 2000 Census double-counted the non-Hispanic white population by apporoximately 2.2 million. We cannot afford to be undercounted in 2010! Record numbers of Blacks and other people of color participated in the 2008 Presidential election-let's use that momentum to make sure we are counted in 2010!

6. You should receive your Census form by March 2010. If you don't receive it or if you have moved, contact to BE COUNTED Center of your local Census Bureau.

7. Your Census form should take you only about 10 minutes to complete. Include EVERYONE who lives in your household most of the time, including babies, children, the elderly, relatives, friends, immigrants and non-citizens.

8. Your Census information is CONFIDENTIAL. Your answers will NOT be shared with law enforcement, landlords, the IRS, welfare, the FBI or immigration officials.

9. Complete and return your Census form by April 1, 2010 in the envelope provided. If the Census Bureau does not receive your completed form, a Census taker may visit your home. A Census taker will have an official U.S. Census Bureau badge. The Census taker will ask you the same questions that appear on the Census form, record your answers, and submit your completed Census form to the Census Bureau.

10. Work for the Census! The Census Bureau will hire hundreds of thousands of temporary employess to help with the 2010 Census. Call the Census Bureau toll free at 1-866-861-2010 for more information. help the Census Bureau recruit and hire people from your neighborhood.

You can also see the results of your state and county in real time. Visit

Friday, March 26, 2010

People think my husband and I are ________, but really we are __________!

Good day ladies!

I was recently watching a clip of the new Tyler Perry Movie, Why Did I Get Married Two? And my mind went back to the first one, Why Did I Get Married? Without seeing the second one yet, but judging by the previews there is something that remains the same in both movies; that people judge your relationship and that might not be what is really going on! That can be a good or a bad thing. In the first movie, everyone thought one thing of the others relationships, but the truth was - it was nothing like what they thought. It was always something deeper going on. Now, I am not saying that they should have told it, especially the way it came out around the table like that (loved that scene by the way!). Although, when it did come out, the couples had no choice but to deal with the issues and either fix the problem which would help their relationship be stronger or move on completely from each other. It's funny because all the issues that really came out around the table weren't really even being discussed in the relationship until they were forced to deal with it.

It started me thinking about my very own marriage. Of course I would never put ALL my business in the streets, but people like to make assumptions about me and my hubby all the time. Don't get me wrong, they are good assumptions, but not always accurate. (The bad assumptions, I don't know about!) And you know people think a certain way about you and your husband based on what they say, "Aww girl, I know you and the hubby are going there b/c yall got it like that, I have seen your house!" or "OMG, I want a husband just like yours because he treats you like a queen!" or "You two are sooo in love, you two must be best friends!" Now these are just examples! Examples of how people assume you and your hubby are one thing but behind closed doors something else is really going on! And I am not saying that you should be like, "Girl please, if you knew the truth!" It's your choice what you do or say, but in some cases people are watching your marriage. They may be getting inspiration from your marriage and you may never even know it.

I expect these post to ALL BE ANONYMOUS (LOL) Today! Mine will be! lol 
To post ANONYMOUS click that option after you type and make sure you type in the code so your post can be seen.

Chime in ladies, let's talk!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

How to get your husband to be romantic without him telling what to do.

Dear WIFE,

Here's a question I would like to ask, "How can you get your husband to be romantic without telling him what to do?"

I think that is a good question to ask. I invite all the WIFES that read this blog to chime in. I think that in the beginning, there needs to be a sit down talk about the things you like, desire or things that just turn you on. And give him and opportunity to do those things. I think that you should also ask him and listen to him about the things he would like more of and do those things too. You have to give to get in most situations, so if you are giving him the things that he likes but was not always expecting ~ it might make him think twice and want to return the favor! One thing about women, we have a tendency to want the world from the men in our lives BUT never tell them! So we are sitting there with our arms crossed, lips poked out and he is sitting there wondering what is wrong with us! We have to tell them first and give them a chance and time to respond.

In my household, my husband is actually the romantic one and he is the one that has expressed to me he wants me to be more romantic! Go figure. He plans our vacations, he's the one that is researching the cities we visit for activities to make sure we have a good time. He is thinking about who will watch the kids so we can have alone time. I was very romantic in our dating years so I know I have it in me BUT.... I guess now I have kids, bills, businesses, and shoot LIFE! The last thing I am thinking about most nights are lighting candles, playing R&B oldies, and walking in the room all slow and sexy LOL. BUT he told me that's what he wants, so one in a blue moon he comes home to a surprise! It's puts a big smile on his face.

So I say talk to him and tell him what you like and give him a chance to respond.
Chime in WIFES!

Monday, March 22, 2010

A WIFE has dreams too!

Hello ladies,

So many times as married ladies, we help support our husbands dreams and vision - in addition to supporting our kids. I am not saying anything is wrong with that because I do it too BUT I have dreams as well. I had dreams before I had a husband and before I had kids. Sometimes it seems what I didn't accomplish before I got married either has to be put on the back burner or may not be accomplished! When you get married SOMETIMES you have to change, compromise and/or sacrifice what YOU really want to do for the benefit of the family. BUT WHAT IF?

What if money wasn't an issue and you didn't have to work? What if you woke up after you finished sleeping? Meaning you didn't have to worry about an alarm clock going off to go punch a clock. You work when and if you wanted to. What if time wasn't an issue? Meaning the excuse of "I don't have time to follow a dream!" wasn't an option because all you have is time. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

What would you be doing if your dream came true? What would you do for free? And my follow up question is WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT NOW? For me, I would host a talk show for free. It doesn't have to be a sit down interview show like Oprah. But it could be a travel show, where I am telling people about different places, or more of a show like The View - where we talk about the HOT TOPICS and have other segments. And the reason I would do it for free b/c it's not about me just being on TV but it's about helping people with things they never knew or don't understand. Similar to this blog, which wasn't created for you to read about my life only, but for WIFES to comment and help other married women who can't or won't talk to anyone else. I have a feeling my dream is going to come true. What about you?

*That's not my only dream, I have soooo many but that is a big one. I want to hear from you!
Chime in.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

What's on your mind weekend?

It is 3:38am and I am up... I am sitting up in the bed watching a re-run of The Game. I love that show. I pray BET picks it up. The Hubby is sleep right here. I have been on the computer for a couple of hours trying to learn more about blogging and my blog. I wanted to talk and didn't feel like posting fruitless post on Facebook, so I thought I would talk with the WIFES?

What's on your mind this weekend? Tonight, I had dance rehersal. I dance at my church. And then we proceeded to have our first women's meeting of the year headed by our First Lady. It was a good meeting but I had to leave before they did the raffle b/c my mother called me and wanted to get her Friday Night Party on, so I had to go get my children. My husband was at the Atlanta Hawks game. Tomorrow, my mind is on cleaning. I want to SPRING CLEAN. Let me rephrase that...I need to SPRING CLEAN! LOL

Another thing that is on my mind is the HEALTHCARE VOTE. They need 216 votes to pass this. Right now they are saying if everyone votes they way they think, it's going to be tied at 212 from both sides. So, I am crossing my fingers that this passes. Millions of people need this to pass and will benefit. Just my thoughts.

What's on your mind this weekend?

Weekend Deals!

Hellooooo Ladies,

I hope you have a great weekend and I just wanted to share with you some great deals.
There is a great website for awesome deals on many different stores. This weekend specials are
Free Tank Top at Victoria Secret, 60% off at Ed Hardy, Esprit, Cougar,15% off at Payless, $15 off $30 Purchase at Express, 20% off at Coach, and so many more. Visit to get the coupon and details.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

If you were Elin Woods (Tiger Woods Wife) would you stay?

Good Evening, Morning or Afternoon WIFES!

I went to a girls night out last month and they had a really cool ice breaker. We had to say our name, how long we have been married, how many children we have and if we were Elin would we stay after what Tiger did? The room was actually divided. Most of the women said they would leave but it was a few women that were standing by Tiger (if they were Elin!) That night I just stood up and did the intro and said I would leave real quick. For one, I was new at the meeting and didn't want to get all deep! And two, I was nervous. I know right! ME!

So now on MY BLOG I can stay what I wanted to say that night and welcome you all to do the same. Well I would leave or stay. You heard me right. I would leave or stay depending if I loved him or was just in it for the money. If I was just in the marriage for the money, I would stay. Mainly, because I would want to maintain my lifestyle. The fact that he cheated (with so many women) makes him look like the bad guy and you the victim and you actually have the upper hand (Like Kobe's wife!). He is also your children's father and they will still be able to have a family unit.

BUT if I married him for LOVE, I would divorce him. I would divorce because I would know that after cheating on me with 10 women (giving him the benefit of the doubt that some of those women were lying), that there is no way he could love me or I will say BE IN LOVE WITH ME. And because of the fact I married for love, if I stay I would be settling and end up resenting him, not trusting him, always checking up on him, wondering what and who he is thinking about, every time the phone rings wondering who that really is and basically unhappy. I would want to be with someone who loves me as much as I love him if not more.

My answer the night of the event was, I would leave. I would leave b/c I married for LOVE. Money comes and goes. Even if you are blessed to never have money problems, LOVE can keep you when LUST can not. If you married for money and never loved him, you will never have enough money to satisfy you. You will always want more to fill a void. Unless you have a boy toy of your own somewhere!

Chime in.....

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hot Topic "Can another woman break up your marriage?"

I dvr The View on ABC and just came home and started watching it. Well the very first Hot Topic was about John Edwards and Rielle Hunter. They were talking about her photoshoot in GQ magazine and how she mentioned that Elizabeth Edwards was just as much to blame for their marriage going under. So of course, it started the ladies talking. Whoopi Goldberg asked a real good question, "If you are in a committed relationship "marriage" can another woman really come in and break you up?"

I sat there for a minute and wondered. I mean, I paused the tv. It's paused now, while I am writing you all. You know you could take that from a wife perspective too. Can a man come in a break me and my husband up. Shoooot, the answer for me both ways is I DON'T KNOW. I don't know b/c although I know without a shadow of a doubt my husband loves me, and I say that because LOVE is an ACTION and he shows me he loves me daily. I can not speak for his choices or actions if put to a test. I hope he would pass of course. Smiling.

Joy and Elizabeth Hasslebeck made very good points by mentioning that sometimes marriages go through a period where one is really not feeling the other and there are just high and low points. And sometimes in the low points, if you are not strong or as dedicated you might stray. But also an affair isn't always about sex, at least in the beginning. It can start with talking at work, then emailing each other, then texting, then lunch, then leaving work together, then you kiss, then he's on top of you oooooooohh! lol... then yall having sex!! And because it's fresh, you know it's better than what you are getting at home! But back to the question, can someone from the outside actually break you up? I DON'T KNOW. It goes back to choice too. You choose your actions, no matter what the other person does. So if a woman did approach my husband, it's his choice to do the right thing or the wrong thing no matter what she does. It just depends on how committed he is. Now me on the other hand....... hahaaa just playing!

What do you all think?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Do you worship with your husband?

Hello Ladies!

I hope your weekend was good. Mine was greeaat! My mom watched my children and I had alone time with my hubby and took care of business! (I mean real business, not kinky stuff! LOL) Ok ladies, I know you see the question above right? Well, that came about when I was sitting in church today next to my husband. I thought, "I wonder if other wives worship with their husband and is it a pull to get them to come to church."

Actually, my husband and I met at church. And out of all the things I love or like about him, the fact that he LOVES LOVES LOVES the LORD is the BEST. My husband is very spiritual and is not fake about it. When I say fake, I mean he is not one way at church and then comes home and is totally different. He is the same person! My husband operates with integrity at all times, he prays at church (he is a leader and a deacon), and he prays over us at home. If we (me and the kids) are sick, he will lay hands on us and pray. He is a tither and a giver! He reads his word at home and adores our pastor as if he was his own father. We faithfully go to church every Sunday and Wednesday and participate in all events. I don't have to push and pull him in the church doors, actually sometimes it's the other way around. I am the one sometimes on Sunday morning like, "Babe, let's relax today!" He is like,  "Get up, we are going to church!" All I can do is respect that and get my butt up! I believe that is why my family is blessed, b/c I have a true man of God. He really tries to do the right thing by God, our church and our family and I am thankful for it. I just wish he would wash the dang dishes sometimes! hmph!

Chime in ladies....

Friday, March 12, 2010

How do you handle a disrespectful husband?

Good day WIFES. I received another email post request with the question above, "How you handle a disrespectful husband. One that calls you out of your name, an example B*tch, etc!"

When I read this email, I sat still for a minute and thought WOW. Out of all the things that my husband may do, this is one thing he surely doesn't do. And if he did, we would have a big problem. I can't even see my husband fixing his lips to call me a B*tch, alone or in front of people, casual or upset! Now one question I pose to the WIFES whose husbands are disrespectful - was he this way before the marriage? I would think so and you either didn't put a stop to it then or you thought he would eventually change after marriage or grow out of it. Not sure. I find it hard to believe that he was never disrespectful before marriage and then afterward he started talking crazy!

Let's look at both sides though - if he was disrespectful before marriage, you should have nipped that in the bud in the beginning of the relationship. And even if you attempted to do that and he would stop for a while BUT some how it would creep up again - then you should have put your foot down and left it down. What type a man thinks its ok to call your lady or your WIFE out of her name and expect her not to be hurt or upset?

The other side - if he didn't disrespect you before the marriage and started after you two got married, I would wonder what is currently going on with him. Why the sudden change in respect towards you? And again, are you allowing it? I am not saying this is something to walk away from your marriage over, BUT it's something that needs to be address because you are hurt and it bothers you. I would discuss with him "Why does he feel it's ok to speak to me like that and how does he think I should feel?" Some men have no clue what you feel if you don't tell them. They are not mind readers and sometimes don't know when their actions are insensitive or hurtful. This is no way defending him disrespecting you, I am just saying...... TALK TO HIM.

Ok WIFES chime in......

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

How many times in one week do you have sex with the hubby? And how many times does he want it?

Good Morning WIFES!

This question was brought to me by a very good Friend and WIFE Follower....How many times do you have sex with your husband in a week? I think it's a good question and one to make you think. When she asked me the question, I stopped and thought... hummmmm probably not as much as he would like. I can't really quantify mine with a number, b/c it varies week to week, it varies with my emotion and on and on. Would my husband say he was satisfied with the amount he gets? Probably not! LOL! BUT, maybe if he wash them dishes..........OK, let me stop. But seriously, it's something to think about at least for me.

So how many times do you have sex with the hubby in a week? My response is "I'm good!", His response would probably be, "Not Enough!". And that means, I need to work on it.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Can you be Friends with your "Ex"?

Well well well.... what a question. Again, I was emailed this question by a faithful WIFE follower and I think this is a question many of us have thought about. From both perspectives, ours and theirs. But let's talk about it from ours. I believe you can be friends with your EX? I am friends with my ex's. Why do I believe you can be? To me its all about choice. You can choose to be friends "just be friends" or choose to be more like "friends with benefits". You know your comfort level around this ex boyfriend and you know what you can handle. And remember it's not about them, but it's about you. Can you really look at an ex boyfriend and sit in his presence and not desire him in any way, shape or form? Can you really sit there and not have flashback? Can you really sit with him and always keep the conversation friendly and if they try to take it there (with conversation) you can quickly bring it back to what's right? Can you bring your EX around your husband without feeling funny or uncomfortable? Can your husband even handle you being friends with your EX? Also, what type of ex is he? Is he an ex where you dated for a couple of weeks and all you did was kiss here and there. You weren't even in love. Or is he the ex where you were together for months or years, you were crazy lovers and definitely in love! Can you be JUST friends with that? Can you bring that past around your present? Do you want to? It's something to think about.

Again, I am friends with my EX but again it's a choice how friendly you get. Being friends doesn't mean talking everyday or seeing each other often. It could mean you just check in on each other from time to time. It could mean when you see each other, you are genuine and not bitter. You are happy for each other and want to see each other do good. And it means letting the past be the past an embracing a "Friendship Relationship" and not a "Boy/Girl Friend Relationship" anymore.

Should your husband know you are friends with your EX? Whewwwww. That's a hard one.
The politically correct answer should be YES. Yall heard me? The politically correct answer should be YES. BUT..... you know your husband and I am going to leave it at that?

Chime in WIFES!

Monday, March 1, 2010

If your husband was a great guy ALL AROUND BUT BUT BUT he was WACK in the LOVEMAKING AREA, would you stay?

I had an interesting email from a WIFE. She asked me "If your husband was a great guy, had integrity, never thought he cheated on you, brought home the money, loved God and was a great father BUT didn't satisfy you in BED at all. Would you stay?" I was like wow!  I am going to ask the ladies this question. I really couldn't tell a lady to stay or not. I believe it's what is most important you. Is everything else mention above important or is unbelievable sex important. I KNOW I KNOW great sex is important, BUT can you talk to him and tell him what he is not doing or is it just a lost cause? Also is the lack for good or great sex making you unhappy? Can you have a life without great sex? And say it doesn't get better, do you want to stay. Because you could get a man that BLOWS your mind sexually but has none of the other good qualites you mentioned above that your husband has. You are just taking a chance either way. Like I said, I wouldn't tell you to leave or stay, you know what you can live with or live without. I will say at least tell him how you want it girl! Show him how you want it girl! Give him a chance to get it right first. Or have you? LOL