Monday, November 29, 2010

Your Husband or a Vibrator?!?!?!

Whoa! This subject came about because I went to my first Pure Romance party a week ago and I learned some new things! Pure romance is like the Mary Kay of sexual toys. The lady had creams, lotions, potions and vibrators galore! I might have literally seen one or two vibrators in person in my life (I know, lame right!) but that night I got a college degree in sexual extras!

One of my BFF's (who is going through a divorce) threw the party and I traveled there (it was in Alabama) with my other bff (who is single) and another good friend (who is married). It was about 20 women there and I am not sure the married ratio versus single ratio but I do know the women that were talking the loudest were single! They were sharing their stories, experiences, and how to use this, that and everything! I was actually kind of shocked. It seems the married women were kind of reserved. Don't get me wrong, we were laughing and giggling and talking among ourselves but it just got me wondering, "Do married women use vibrators?" And I am asking do you use them alone?

Again, I have my 8 other EBFF's (email best friends forever) that I talk to 7 days a week. By the way, 3 of these girls were at this Pure Romance party! Out of the 9 of us that email 3 are married, one is engaged. So I asked them, "Do you use vibrators?" The single girls all had one! A married friend had one but hasn't used it in years. Soooooooooooo, it got me thinking again. Do married women really use or need a vibrator when they have a man in their bed every night? Per my friends (married and single) that have used them, the answer is YES! They told me that a man will never make you reach the point that silver bullet will. My mouth dropped. Of course I was curious!

While writing this blog, I went online and did a search on Married Women and Vibrators and found this question on a different website and it was exactly what I was thinking, "Do you think these toys can substitute your husband? Why do you use them? And would it be possible that woman will get addicted to the toy and enjoy it more than her husband?"

I read so many different responses to that question. Some responses were from men who didn't want their wives using it because they felt they (the husband) couldn't satisfy her. Other men used it with their wives. Other men said their wives were using and lying about it! That was funny. The married women responded with mixed responses as well. Some women said they needed it to get turn them on before having sex with their husbands. Others said it's not a substitute for their husband but just an additional form a satisfaction. It seems quite a few women had them but didn't use them around their husband but they knew they had one. I guess what it boils down to is what works for you, works for you. It's just all so interesting. What do you think?

Monday, November 22, 2010

The REAL DEAL on Phaedra Parks (Real Housewives of Atlanta) Recap

Since Phaedra Parks appeared on the show, it has been a question about her due date. At first, I wondered why the other women were so obsessed in her due date were. But the more they asked, they more Phaedra contradicted herself. First she was 5 months, then 7 months, and then the baby was ready because he was 7 pounds and the doctors were going to take him out!

I had to agree with Kim, and say that I do not think any doctor is going to deliver a baby via C-section at 7 months because he is a good weight! The lungs aren't even developed! The funny this is that Phaedra thought the ladies would actually believe her and they are all mothers! Nene had a good point; any first time mom knows exactly how many weeks she is, when she is due and when she got pregnant! It amazed me that they jumped to the conclusion that her husband wasn't the baby's father! I have a group of friends that email me daily and we started to discuss this. Many of my friends thought that he might not be the father either. Not me. I thought back to the episode where she mentioned she was a southern bell and her family was very religious and immediately thought, she might have gotten pregnant before she got married and didn't want her parents to know. Well that changed on the delivery date!

In the delivery room Kandi came to visit and actually asked the doctor how far along Phaedra Parks was. He officially confirmed that she is 40 weeks! For all those out there that do not know what 40 weeks is - it's a FULL TERM BABY! She was 10 months and ready to deliver! You should have seen her mother’s face when the doctor said that. She didn't say anything but you could tell she wasn't happy and quickly put 2 and 2 together! You see Phaedra's mom is a Pastor and Phaedra made a statement, "You can't talk to her about nothing!" That kind of made me sad. Sometimes can you be so religious that your own children, grown children, married children can't be honest with you.

The sad thing is Phaedra tried for the remainder of her pregnancy on the show to conceal how far along she really was mainly because she got pregnant before she got married. Phaedra's mom mentioned that you cannot have a baby before marriage in her family! So it left us (my friends and I) wondering, did she get married because she was pregnant or were they already engaged/in love and going to marry anyway. I think that is a lot of pressure. I think what Phaedra did really make her look bad on TV. On facebook, so many statuses commented on her being a lawyer and that is why she is shady! She is a lawyer but didn't represent herself well because everyone knew in their gut something just wasn't right. And because the Real Housewives of Atlanta is half way real and half way fake (yep! I said it!), they don't even tape every day - she could have told her casemates off camera what the deal was and ask them to let that subject be off limits but instead she tried to play on their intelligence and she came off as a lying lawyer who people who feel leery about giving their business too. Not to mention the fact she is over the top! Did you all see that baby shower?!?!?!? One last thing, I can't believe she made the comment when they showed her the delivery room after she looked out the window, "They put me in the projects!" WHAT! Girl, please. The cast mates had said in interviews that Phaedra acts totally different off camera. She needs to probably bring her off camera realness on camera. It is the REAL housewives of Atlanta.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Single Ladies, Married Ladies...What would you do? He told her he used to be GAY infront of her church!

Hello all, I was going to talk about a subject my friends brought up today (Married Women and Vibrators) but I heard this Strawberry Letter again from Steve Harvey and literally laughed out loud. Mainly because you do not hear this kind of story happening to a single lady looking (and hoping) for love everyday. Read for yourself.

Good Morning Steve, Shirley, Carla,Tommy, Eugene, and Ms Ann. I love you guys! Steve I have read your book and I have listen to you on your show about dating. I am proud to say that I have followed the 90 day rule when dating a man. As a matter of fact I have been dating this guy for 4 months and there has not been any sexual contact.

Well, I asked this man to attend a church revival service with me at my grandmothers church. My grandmother attends one of those country Holy Ghost speaking in tongues church that believes going down on your knees calling on Jesus until you foam at the mouth. I must admit that church service was awesome! The spirit was flowing everywhere. Well the Pastor got up and ask to anyone has any fiery testimony. Well my man jumped up and said I do! He yelled I must tell of the goodness of Jesus and how he has delivered me from homosexuality. He said, yes, i use to be a lover of men, but not anymore. Now i desire a woman and I am now blessed with a good woman and he pointed at me. I almost die. I had no ideal that this man use to be gay. He never told me about this.My grandmother was sitting over there in the mothers board corner and saying Lord have mercy...what this child done got herself in. I cant even meant in this letter what my uncle and bothers said. And my daddy who is the Preacher, he just looked at me and said I am glad your mother is dead, so she could not see this. What should I do. We have not had any sex and I don't think we will.
The responses to this post were a wide range of support for her equal with disgust with her and her family for being so judgemental. The story made me laugh because I could see her face when he said what he said and could actually imagine being embarrassed. Mainly because he dropped the bomb on her in front of everybody. How would you react? On one hand you're happy he felt he was in an atmosphere where he felt he could confess his past indirections and be free. But on the other hand, what a way to tell your new girlfriend you used to be gay! What would you do? How would you react? I could just imagine that after church conversation! Personally, I would not continue to date him. I'm glad he feels he has changed, but I think I would always have doubt in my mind that he would revert back or never really over his past actions. If you are gay, then that is your right - your decision. I also have a right to want what I want and that would be a man that doesn't have such a past lifestyle that isn't always so easy to walk away from. I would express my feelings and start anew. If you find out your husband had an alternative lifestyle before you got married would it change anything?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Blogging Competition: My scariest Moment as a parent!!!

It was a cloudy and rainy day! The thunder was rolling and I was alone with two children. Actually, I really don't know what the weather was outside I just remember my husband was gone somewhere - work, business meeting, somewhere! I remember this scene like it was yesterday. It could have been a day that changed my life and my children's life forever in the worst way. It could have been.

I have two children, and at the time my daughter was 6 or 7 months and my son has just turned 3 years old. He was actually sitting at his toddler table. You know the Spiderman tables they sell at Wal-mart? That one. I was still getting used to handling two small kids alone (meaning when the hubby wasn't there). On this particular evening I had just finished cooking dinner, fixed my son's plate and holding my daughter on my left hip. After I got my son situated at his table, I sat my daughter in one of those bouncy's and sat it on the table (I know, I know not a good idea!!!!!!!!!!!!) and proceed to feed her. The table is a tall square black wooden table that's huge. My son is actually sitting behind me eating. He starts to scream, "Mommy, help me!"

In the past, as this Spiderman table got older the legs would periodically fall out and we would have to put them back in place. Well, when he called my name, a leg had fallen out and and he was holding his table up with his hand. He was also holding his food with the other hand. My daughter was in the bouncy, not strapped in. I had to think quick. They were both in arms length of me. So quickly I reached over to grabbed my son's plate, table, and table leg and proceed to try to screw it back in. BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My daughter had rolled out of the bouncy onto the table! And that BAM I heard was her head hitting the table!

My heart dropped, just as it's doing now as I am writing this (I feel like I am reliving that moment in time). I immediately dropped my son's food, table and table leg. Food went everywhere. The table crashed onto the floor, his plate broke into 50 million pieces, red sauce was all over the floor and he started screaming! I grabbed my daughter so quick as she was screaming too! I was scared out of my mind! I was looking at her head and thanking God she didn't roll off the table. My son was screaming, my daughter was screaming, I started crying because I was ashamed of myself for not having her strapped in and the possibility of what could have happened. I called my husband screaming at him for leaving me alone with these kids! I called the pediatrician and they went down a check list of symptoms to look for. I was shaken.

It was one of those moments where you don't remember what happened next. I don't know how the food or glass got cleaned up. I don't even remember if my son was fed. All I remember is how grateful I was my daughter didn't roll of that table. If that bouncy was one foot closer she would have and then what would the damage have been to my daughter. That is a moment I think about all the time. I am so grateful and thankful to the God I serve that it didn't happen. Fast forward 2 and half daughter turns 3 next month and she is the light of my world (and so is my son who is now 5 and a half). She is more than perfect and is ahead of her class. Sometimes when I am sitting on the couch watching her and her brother play, I sometimes think what if...... and then I get grateful all over again and reach out and hug her until her says, "Mommy, you are hurting me!"

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"My WIFE still talks to her EX-LOVER more than I really want her too!" HELP

Today I wanted to talk about something different so I posted today's Strawberry Letter from The Steve Harvey Morning show! This issue is reverse, because it's from the husband worried about a "special friendship" his wife is below and comment if you can (click on the pencil).

Dear Steve, I am a 42 year old man and have been married to my wife "Lisa" for 15 years. Lisa is 43 and we have 4 children. Lisa is a good wife and I believe I am a loving husband. Here is my problem: Lisa has occasional telephone conversations with an ex-lover and it bothers me. Before we were married, Lisa told me that she and "Larry" were friends from college and the three of us even met for lunch once. When I asked her if Larry was an old boyfriend she said no. About a year later, she admitted to me that before she and I met, she had a sexual relationship with Larry. I asked her why she lied and told me that Larry wasn't an old boyfriend. She said that she didn't lie because she never "dated" Larry; they were just friends with benefits. Now she says she and Larry are just friends (without benefits) and that she would never cheat on me. But since she slept with him before when they weren't dating, I don't like her talking to him now. Steve, am I being unreasonable? Signed, Feeling Jealous

This is a good one. Do I think she is cheating? I don't know and neither does the husband. Right now at least he is being honest that he is feeling jealous of their now renewed friendship after so many years. I think even if they didn't have sex in the past, he would still be jealous and have a reason to worry. Should he be worried? In a way, yes and in a way, no. The letter doesn't give enough details. It says she has an occasional phone conversation with a guy she went to college with, who she had sex with when they were in college. Then he goes on to explain their (the wife and the friends) past. The main thing is - how often is occasional? Is it daily, weekly, monthly? If she is 43, college was at least 20 years ago. You don't think she could have moved on from the past and truly just be cool with him now? Or are you thinking from the male perspective that men can't really be friends with a woman and he really wants something from her?

Is it just talking on the phone? Do they ever meet for lunch? What are they talking about? I will say it could easily turn into an emotional affair for her. You have been married for 15 years and whether you think you are a good husband or not - you don't know what she is lacking in the relationship from you. He could talk to her about things you can't. Not saying it's ok to keep this friendship going because of my last statement. I am really just saying, if it bothers you to that extent you need to really sit down and discuss her need to talk to him so frequently and what is she getting out the conversation. Ask her if she is still happy with you? Ask her have you become complacent in your actions towards her (doing the same thing and not trying anything new). Express your unease about their friendship and see if she is willing to slow down (way down) communication with him. But can you really ask your spouse to never speak to an ex again? That's a whole other topic. I mean your spouse is grown and how are you going to forbid them from speaking to anyone EVER AGAIN because YOU basically can't handle it. So many times you hear, "It's not you I don't trust, it's them!" Well, if you really trust the one you are with, then trust that if they do ever talk to an ex they will do the right thing BECAUSE YOU TRUST THEM. Or do you really trust them? Hmmmmmmmm

(To sum it up, she shouldn't be talking to him so frequently, daily or weekly, if it bothers you to that extent - maybe once a year.) Just my thoughts feel free to share your own.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

A Males GREAT Perspective: For Colored Girls Movie Review

The following REVIEW is written by a faithful male follower of this blog. He wrote me about the movie and I asked him to write what he felt, and I truly enjoyed his perspective of this movie. Enjoy (and comment!)
So Tyler Perry did it again. But this time he let the world see a side of men that is normally taboo. It’s an unspoken rule that some secrets we (men) don’t tell anyone. Is it a good rule no but never the less it’s a taught rule. This movie showed how men think. If a woman let you come back after you have left her for some one else. That doesn’t mean that she overlooks what happen. That mean she is fighting against all she knows in order to hold on to the hope that this time it will work. Or just because a woman dresses sexy doesn’t mean she want sex. This movie really put a spotlight on how men treat women bad and think a little kiss & I’m sorry should erase all the pain. Men are taught that if you send roses it will be alright. Or a good night of lovemaking will cover a world of pain. The truth is that society has taught women that if they give the most precious thing that they have to you it will hopefully let you know how much they love you. I don’t want to spoil this movie so I can’t hit all the points I want to. After it has been out for a while then I can say more. I left the movie with a different outlook on a lot of things. I think men need to start raising their sons to be good fathers and or husbands. We have to stop raising them to be hunters. Teach them what abuse is and its effect. We hear a lot about physical abuse, but very little on emotional or verbal abuse. This movie exposes both. And one more point and it’s the most important. It shows how a woman has the ability to see without looking. How they can do every day things, while covering hours of pain with a smile. So maybe we need a new label for these women. Maybe downlow women, the live seemingly happy and satisfied when really down low in their souls they are scared, sad, angry and looking for a way out. This is just my opinion. Watch the movie and give yours. MR. MAN.

A Woman's Perspective: For Colored Girls Movie Review (comments welcome)

I went to see For Colored Girls this past Friday with one of my BFF's around lunch time. We were both given charms as we walked into the theatre and were asked to wear them until the string breaks. When the string breaks, your dream is supposed to come true. Great marketing but it also made us anticipate an excitement about what this movie was about to deliver into our being.

I hear on Facebook that this is Tyler Perry's best movie ever. I will say, you can not compare it to the Madea chain at all. So if you compare it to The Family that Preys, yes it's the best. But that is what you are supposed to do - get better each time, so I am extremely proud of his continual growth before our very eyes.
Now! Let's dig in. I have never seen the play or read this book, so I only have the movie to go on. It was a really good movie and I enjoyed it. It's funny because it's parts of the movie that the women break into monologues, and you're either going to say, "Oooh, they are deep!" or "What in the world are they saying?" I believe,  I liked Loretta Devine's monologue the best.

Besides the fact that the title is For Color Girls, based on the play/book - to me, the movie isn't color specific. Women of all races can go through these same issues. Not Only Colored Women marry a man on the down low, Not Only Colored Women can have their man lose their mind after they come back from a war, Not Only Colored Women have a husband that beats them and they still stay, Not Only Colored Women were molested and act out with promiscuity, Not Only Colored Women get pregnant at 17 and have to decide between life and abortion, Not Only Colored Women let a man keep coming back again and again hoping each time it will be different. Not Only Colored Women get date raped when it wasn't their fault. Not Only Colored Women reach a level of success that they forget where they come from. Not Only Colored Women get HIV from someone they love. NOT ONLY COLORED WOMEN, but we probably handle it different.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. This movie is all about decisions. The male perspective talked about how men treat us and maybe they should be taught a different way, well from my perspective the women GAVE THEIR POWER AWAY! Too many times women give their power away to a man and it ruins us! We give our power away because of fear of being alone, losing him, or whatever.....Sometimes, women don't even realize they even have power. Remember men want what we have and you should never just give it away. I was not a specific women in this movie. If I would have been a character, I would have been in addition to the cast. Although, I did see myself mostly in Kerry Washington's character. I say that because, sometime I see wrong or know what I should do but being consumed in my own world - you miss an opportunity to help who you should have been helping all along. This movie made me think of choices I have made in my past and how I have had to deal with some regrets. It also showed me that I am blessed beyond measure because for some of the women in the movie - their choices ROCKED THEIR WORLD into a new world!

In my conclusion, the common theme in this movie is women being hurt by A MAN! I didn't even realized that until I left the theatre. That only makes me go back to knowing you hold a POWER that you should take advantage of more often and stop bending and breaking for these men! That doesn't mean be disrespectful to them or talk down to them or treat them crazy - but it means know WHO YOU ARE WITHOUT THEM and don't settle for mess. Have a standard for yourself and keep it. You may save yourself unwanted tears.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

"What should a child (senior), still in high school curfew be? Boys/Girls."

I received this question from a family member. "What should a child (senior), still in high school curfew be?  Boys/Girls." This question is kind of hard for me because I don't have a high school age child yet, or even middle school. I look up to those parents that have made it that far! I will tell you what I think and hope other women chime in on this blog or facebook.

Let me think back to when I was a senior. I really didn't have a curfew because I didn't hang out late. I had a job, I was into track & field, I had a new boyfriend who I spent all my time with, and I was concentrating on getting out of my household going to college. My mom was cool with me at that age but also very aware of what a 17 year girl might be desiring to do, so she did talk to me often about what's going on. I was also the type of teen that didn't sneak around. If I was going some where I would tell her and maybe that's why she trusted me.

When a child is a high school senior (age 17/18), they think they are soooooo grown and you can't tell them anything! They also think they probably don't need a curfew, but as a parent there still needs to be rules and respect for the household. They are still students and not grown yet. I think a school night 9pm/10pm and that is being lenient, mainly because school is their JOB and unless it's a work/school event why would they be out past 9pm on a regular basis through the week anyway? The weekend, 12pm/1am. I guess I am just scary. It's alot of things going on out there now and unless it's a particular event or they are at a friends house (that I approve of) then why would you be out that late just because you can. I have a friend who grandmother says, "Ain't nothing open at 2am but some legs!" Funny saying.....but it makes you think. Again, I am growing with motherhood thing and welcome your thoughts. As would the mother that wrote the question.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Porn and Marriage? She found it on his computer and his secret credit card just for PORN!

Savannah just wanted to use the computer to type something. She went online and all these porn sites started popping up! She closed them and opened a new window and more porn sites came up! She called a family friend (because the hubby was out of town) to ask why is this happening? They told her to look in the history and she would be able to see all the sites her husband visited. Well, long story short, her husband had been not only visiting porn sites, he had a web cam to actually see these chicks live and allow them to see him (if you know what I mean!). He even had a secret credit card especially for his porn. When her husband came home from his weekend in Las Vegas, Savannah immediately told him she wanted a divorce! Savannah is a character from Terry McMillan's new book Getting to Happy. But this situation and circumstances can and probably has happened to a woman before. For Savannah the porn was a deal breaker? He eventually confessed to having a one-year affair with another woman, but that was after she asked for a divorce. She felt that porn was cheating? What do you think?

Does Porn have a place in a marriage? Do you watch it with your husband? Do you mind if your husband watches it without you? Or at all? I went to lunch last week to discuss this book and this was the first question. Would this be a deal breaker if this was your husband's behavior? The table had 5 women and the response was almost half and half or 3 to 2. There were 3 ladies that said it would be a deal breaker (before they even knew about the cheating with the woman!). The other two said, no it would not be because they would want to see if they could work it out and find out where this obsession is coming from first before just jumping to divorce. 

I will say porn does not have a place in my marriage. If your marriage does and it's cool with you.....hey, if you like it, I love it. But in my home we just don't watch it. It wasn't established as a rule but as long as we have been married the subject might have came up once, and I had a question about it so I asked him. I have a friend who has watched porn with their spouse and said it led to good sex afterward! I do think watching it together is one thing but you (or your spouse) sneaking around to watch it, paying to watch it, getting a secret credit card to watch it, getting a web cam to participate in it is TOO MUCH!