Friday, April 30, 2010

Do you worship and submit?

New Post PART 2: Worship and Submit? Do you?

How to Handle a Disrepsectful Husband!

New Video Blog: How do you handle a disrespectful husband!

Feel free to post your comments.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Your friends are your friends and my friends are my friends!.

I got this question in an email from a good friend! She gave me a list of topics and this one jumped out to me tonight. So here we go.... Here is her complete statement below:

"Your friends are your friends and my friends are my friends. No spies from his or her side trying to gather information on you to report back. Please."

I think the statement is an interesting one. I see where she is coming from BUT I see the other side too. I personally have friends from before my hubby came in the picture (high school and college) and of course he does too. We also have friends that we have acquired as a couple. Honestly, sitting here thinking about friends makes me think about who I trust friends from before him (because they are MY friends and would never sell me out to him no matter what!) or my friends I got while being married and their husbands is my husbands friend too (I say that because women have a tendency to talk about soooo much with their spouse and I need to know that what I say stays with us). I have a friend that is going through a divorce and my husband knows her and has met her soon to be ex-husband maybe twice. I told him they were separating and left it at that. Then he start trying to get all deep, "Why", 'Whose fault?" "What happen?" I could have told him alot more than I did, but I held back because that is MY friend and because she doesn't even talk to my husband like THAT, I felt he didn't have the right to know her business. Now if it was a mutual couple friend of ours - no problem. I think the only friends that we have separate are the ones we knew before we got married, BUT of course he has met them all (men and women), but all  communication comes through me. Now our friends that we have acquired since being married, of course I get along with the husbands and he gets along with the wives and if the other needs to call their spouse for something its no big deal (we go to church with most of our married friends).

As for gathering information and reporting back to the spouse....WHEWWWW! Are they really your (or his for that fact) friend? Once you get wind of that, I would limit time spent or our conversation could only go so far. PERIOD....

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Would you rather have a successful career or successful marriage?

I was actually in church last week when I heard my pastor ask this question to the congregation? He was speaking about family and the importance, along with the choices that women have to make. Would you rather have a successful career or successful marriage? I quickly wrote the question down and thought it would be a great topic! I also kinda tuned him out for a minute and thought which would I rather have?

It's so hard for women to choose sometimes because men are going to work. It's just in them (and it should be) to work and take care of his family. With that being said, women have the children (literally) and are the nurturing ones. They take care of the family and the household in every way, although sometimes that includes the mother working outside the home. Sometimes it's a full fledge career or just a job. Either way some women don't always have the luxury of choosing (to work or not) BUT what if you could. Which would you choose?

I thought long and hard about it. If I had to choose... just had to choose, I would choose successful marriage. For me, the benefits of a successful marriage far out way the benefits of a successful career. What about you?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

WIFE VLOG: My Celebrity Husband

Ok WIVES it's fantasy day! We know in real life we have our awesome husbands (ummhumm). But we all have that Celebrity Man we go crazy for just like men go crazy for Halle, Beyonce or whoever on the low. So if you weren't married to your husband and you could marry your celebrity crush, who would it be?

Wife Vlog: People think my marriage is this, but it's not!

I was recently watching a clip of the new Tyler Perry Movie, Why Did I Get Married Two? And my mind went back to the first one, Why Did I Get Married? Without seeing the second one yet, but judging by the previews there is something that remains the same in both movies; that people judge your relationship and that might not be what is really going on! That can be a good or a bad thing. In the first movie, everyone thought one thing of the others relationships, but the truth was - it was nothing like what they thought. It was always something deeper going on. Now, I am not saying that they should have told it, especially the way it came out around the table like that (loved that scene by the way!). Although, when it did come out, the couples had no choice but to deal with the issues and either fix the problem which would help their relationship be stronger or move on completely from each other. It's funny because all the issues that really came out around the table weren't really even being discussed in the relationship until they were forced to deal with it.

If I knew then what I know now! LAAWD!

Tonight at church my pastor was speaking about generational spirits and how we pick up things from our parents, as far back as 4 generations. He asked has anyone ever said, "You act just like your father, or grandfather!", when you weren't even trying too? It's like we're connected to our lineage and somethings are just in us whether good or bad. That got me to thinking.... we all have Generational things (good and bad) that we have picked up or carried over from our parents. I sat in church and wondered what did my husband pick up from his parents? What good and bad things did he pick up from his family lineage? Then WHOA, I started thinking about mine and from what I know about my mother, father, and grandparents..... I wonder if my husband (who is very spiritual) would have married me if he knew the spiritual things that may have been attached to me. So it got me to thinking, if I knew then (and him too) what I know now, would I have still got married to my spouse?

As far as my husband, I don't know his family demons or major family issues and when I am around them it really doesn't seem that they have any! His parents have been married for at least 35 years, his grandparents married 50 years before his grandmother died. Both parents are one of nine! And he is very family oriented! Both is parents had a big hands on approach and was/is very involved in his life. He grew up in the church and I can really see how that has shaped him as a man, father, husband, etc. The things I didn't know about him were very minor compared to the things he learned about me! I mean, I really didn't know he was going to expect me to SUBMIT! I mean my mom and grandmother were married but I never heard of that word before! LOL. I didn't know my husband was so nosey! It's not that I have anything to hide, it's that I am the oldest child and I have always been private about my things. And I have no problem telling you, but dag don't ask me 50 millions questions! I can't stand that!

I could go on about what he didn't know about me and vice versa, but I will let you all talk.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Good and Bad of Marriage

Marriage itself has it's pros and cons, its good, its bads, its ups and downs. And every marriage is different. Just like you should compare yourself to another person (in most cases), you shouldn't compare your marriage. So today, I wanted to talk about the GOOD and the BAD of Marriage in your oppinion. Or the GOOD and BAD of your Marriage. Your choice. My only request is that if you write about the GOOD, you must write about the BAD.

Good: As for my marriage or marriage period, I like the commitment aspect. I like the fact that if you love someone and they love you that you agree to come together and create a family, a lifestyle, have common goals and work towards them, grow and enjoy life together. I like the family aspect. I personally knew who my father was/is, but he didn't father me. I even had a stepdad in the house for at least 10 years, but he didn't father me either. He was just there physically. I always knew something wasn't right about that and knew I didn't want that for my future. My husband is a great father and very involved in every aspect of our children's lives. I like the fact that we are a team when it comes to our children. I like the safe feeling my husband gives me. Not the fact that he takes care of me kind of safety but the fact that he is just here feeling. When he's home, it's like awwww daddy's home. When he's not, I hear every crack in the floor! I personally like the fact that my husband pays the bills! Yep, he sure does. And he pays them on time. He started paying the bills when I was pregnant with our first child b/c he didn't want me to stress out and afterward just kept doing it. I love always having someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of, and living with the person you should trust the most. And of course as far as intimacy without getting to graphic, I like being with one person you trust PERIOD! It's crazy out there, sometimes I feel for singles who have to get condoms, get sexual history, go get tested and still don't really know .... all before you have sex! 

BAD: Sacrifices! Both parties make sacrifices BUT to me... women make more sacrifices. A woman takes care of her husband, the children and the house. When is it time for her dreams outside of the home? Can she have dreams outside of the home? When do they fit in? I mean TO ME, back in the day alot of women just wanted to do what I just stated above. But growing up as a child, I never thought about it from a parent perspective. I was just dreaming and working towards my goal. I knew one day I wanted a husband and children but I also wanted a career and to do great things outside of the mother-wife role. I didn't realize until I got married that as the WIFE that I would have to slow my roll! Another thing that I personally don't like that as a WIFE it seems like I am asking permission to do something from my husband versus just letting him know. I mean I am a grown a** woman! LOL! But still, that's the way it seems. I don't like the fact that as a WIFE you always have to watch what you say in reference to the MIGHTY MALE EGO! You always have to pump that EGO! WTW!! Make them feel good. Blah blah blah! Shoot! PUMP ME UP! Who is feeding my EGO! "I walk like this 'cause I can back it uuuup!" (~beyonce) I have more to say but I will let you all talk.

Go ahead ;)

Friday, April 16, 2010

WIFE Premiere Part

Hello Wives! Here is the first WIFE VIDEO BLOG! I hope you enjoy our round table to discussion. And remember be kind. We will/can get better over time! LOL. Basically we are bringing the blog to life. There is a part one and part 2 (below). On this PREMIERE EPISODE we discussed Tyler Perry's WHY DID I GET MARRIED TOO & why do WE think married men and women cheat.
Again enjoy and if you have a topic you want us to talk about please email!

If you want to read the BLOG post on the actual movie review please visit post for April 4, 2010
listed below and feel free to comment here or there! Love ya WIFES!

Wife Premiere Part

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Married Men? DO YOU FAKE IT?


If you know a married man send him this link and ask him to POST!

Alrighty... This idea came from a recent post about married women faking it while having sex with their husbands. Some did fake it and some did not. But a WIFE brought up a great point, what if the husbands faked it?! How would we know? And I thought, how would we know? Most women think that men are just happy to GET IT and that that alone is satisfying. I believe that is not the case. I believe MARRIED MEN want more from their wives. I believe you want to actually please her and in return be pleased as well. I am sure you want more oral sex but isn't it about more? Please tell us.... what are you not getting? or what are you getting that is making you smile. WIVES want to know! So tell us.

One more quick question HUSBANDS... if you do fake it, why haven't you told your wife what she is doing wrong?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Has the RECESSION impacted or caused undue stress on your marriage?

Good day WIVES,

This topic post was given to me by another faithful WIFE follower. I think it's a great topic.



For me and my husband personally the recession has effected my household to an extent. I say that because my husband is a realtor and before the recession he was selling alot of houses and making alot of money! I worked too, but I worked part-time. I worked part time for 7 years! I made good money off my commission. But slowly the housing market started to change and my husband was selling less and my job changed the commission structure and wanted more hours out of me.Then I quit! Then my company closed it doors a year later anyway! So yes it affected our finances BIG TIME. But we got through it with prayer for sure and starting other businesses. One thing about my husband, he has a real entreprenuer mindset and he is still a realtor (has a closing this month THANK GOD!) but he does other things to bring money into this house. I am grateful for that, b/c I never have to worry about him TRYING! Now things may not always work out how he thinks it will, but he TRIED! He is not a sit on his butt guy. And I am not either. If you knew me, you would know that. I am always doing something, trying something.

As far as the relationship aspect, it did get to me emotionally b/c when a woman is use to having money and now it's not there, you start to itch! LOL.. but for real, you get antsy... like what are we going to do? But we never had to go to counseling and we never thought about breaking up over it. It's a financial bump in the road. And we deal with it as it comes and keep it moving.

Ladies, your turn.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Do you ever FAKE it with your husband?

Today's topic on the Michael Baisden show was titled Unsatisfied: Suffering in Silence! Whoa...and listening to that show led to many questions by the listeners and got my mind to wondering. Many women are unfulfilled by their husbands sexually and won't say a word. It could be a number of reasons for not speaking up: you might hurt his fragile ego, you might be nervous yourself to verbalize your wants, you could be hoping he will just get better! Because of the male ego, (also another great topic) if the sex is not that good on a certain night - will you fake it? Have you faked it? Or are you the bold one? The one that says, "Nuh uh boo! That's not it!" I know sex is not everything but could you go through life suffering in silence? Because even if you fake it, you are still suffering in silence b/c you are not letting your real needs and wants be known and basically you are taking what you are given.

I just thought of something. Do you think your husband even cares if you fake it? Or he just wants to get his rocks off?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Who is your Celebrity Husband?

Ok WIVES it's fantasy day! We know in real life we have our awesome husbands (ummhumm). But we all have that Celebrity Man we go crazy for just like men go crazy for Halle, Beyonce or whoever on the low. So if you weren't married to your husband and you could marry your celebrity crush, who would it be?

Well for me .... choices choices choices. Funny, because growing up I have pawned over a few STARS starting with Larenz Tate (before he did love jones!!), Hakeem (from the group "The Boys"), Ralph Tresvant and Ronnie Devoe (New Edition) back to Larenz Tate! If I had to pick from them all I would have to say LARENZ TATE! That is my Celebrity BOO! Like I said, I loved him before Love Jones ( a favorite movie by the way) but Love Jones took me too another level of LOVE (lol) because I got to see my boo as a man! My favorite line of the movie is at the very end when he follows her out of the club and stops her. Nia says, "You always want what you want when you want it!" Larenz says, "Right here, right now is all that matters to me!" Then it's this look! And they kiss WHewwww! BUT BUT BUT.. I also love the night they walk through Chicago and stop in front of the famous fountain (mainly because it's home for me and great memories in that city) and then go home and play the game like they don't want each other and she puts him on the couch! He comes up the steps and says, "You sleep?" I can see myself acting like Nia! Love Love Love Love Jones!

But guess what! Larenz has some competition! That's right! For the last two years my eyes have been drifting over to the Pooch Hall "Derwin" from the cast of the game! He is giving my Larenz a run for his money! LOL
I love that show and prays BET really picks it up and I love me some Derwin! All my friends do! We all used to email each other during the show (because we live in different cities) and get in these deep conversations like The Game was real! And half of us (it's 8 of us that email regularly) fight over Derwin!

So Larenz or Derwin (Pooch)? I can't decide! I actually met Larenz when I was a teenager... he said, "Hey Cutie!" at the Bud Billakin Parade! My little memory.
But those are my Celebrity Hubby's! and yours?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Why Did I Get Married Too? Movie Review

I had a great Easter service at church and then because my mother had my children all day we (the hubby and I) along with some friends went to see WDIGMT. I can say I did like it. Before I went to see the movie, I saw a lot of statuses and people discussing it on facebook? Some good comments and bad. And now that I have seen the movie, I can say I agree with all the comments.

The movie overall was very good. It surely was entertaining and if you enjoyed the first one, you will enjoy the second one. I like the fact that the entire movie wasn't on the island getaway (which my husband thought it was going to be! lol) and that they dug a little deeper into each relationship. BUT they didn't dig deep enough. As soon as it started getting deep, the movie was about over and you were left to assume your own ending for each couple. Friends on facebook are wondering did Tyler Perry do this on purpose because he is thinking about a third installment. Not sure if he should do this or not. I would love to see a third installment because of Janet Jacksons character and the Rock (what a surprise!) but even though Tasha (the loud one) was entertaining - I am not sure if I can watch another movie with her acting like that. If he does make a third one, I hope that she is the one giving advice b/c their marriage and her attitude will have done a complete 180.

The previews stated that one couple wouldn't make it. And I always wondered who it will be when watching the previews. Thinking it would be Tasha and Mike or even Tyler's character BUT BUT BUT it was Janet and Gavin! It was just so sad how they didn't make it. It made me think about my actions in my own marriage and how holding things in to long can be so damaging. Damaging to the fact that when you let it out sometimes, you can damage yourself and people around you. And like in the movie, when you do things out of anger you can't always take things back! I think she shut down after the baby passed and was never able to release true feelings. BUT BUT BUT... do you think she should have gave him half her money though? At first, I was like that is her money boo! But when he started breaking it down - what he did, it made sense. He deserved it. He was wrong for burning those baby pictures though!

Jill Scott's story line...whewwwww child. She got herself in some mess! I know she loved her new hubby but she should have never made going to the old hubby for help an option. During the movie, when the ex hubby came back I was thinking that he did miss her and understands he messed up. NO I didn't think he deserved a second chance, but I did think he really missed her. But after I left the theatre and start really thinking about the movie - he went back b/c he was dying and knew she was a good woman after all and she could take care of him. The young thang probably didn't even stand by his side. But I like her and Troy together. Another thing that was funny to me was that, he (Troy) didn't like the fact she went to the ex to help him get a job but did you all notice HE DIDN'T QUIT EITHER! LOL... He needed that money!

Tyler and his wife in the movie!!! When she called him PHIL (another man's name!) My mouth dropped. But she played it off good though. But not good enough because he knew that if she wasn't cheating on him, she was on her way. He said her smell changed, her attitude, how long it took to put on make up, even her panties changed! He said, you came home and I smelled him on you. Man Man Man. She said she didn't cheat but based on her actions she was really feeling him. And they didn't dig deep on this. I want to know why she was feeling him, what did they do since they didn't have sex! She only said he made her laugh and on to the next scene. Again, if he didn't say anything when he did, she would have been having a sexual affair versus the emotional one she was obviously having. Also, she was a bold one for bringing those flowers home! (Even though she tookt he card out!)LOL

Overall good good movie. Would watch a third installment BUT I want more depth and more ROCK! LOL
Chime in Ladies

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Would you want to know if your husband was cheating?

Hello WIVES!

I got the idea for this question in the last post! A young lady ask would you really want to know if your husband is cheating. Would you trust the source? I thought... a great question b/c some women say they want to know but as soon as they are told, they either don't do anything with the information or shoot the messenger.

Well, if it were me I SURELY DO WANT TO KNOW IF MY HUSBAND IS CHEATING. But like a blogger posted, come to me with evidence. An email, text, picture, the actual chick! But don't come to me with your "I think he is doing something!" Because he might not be and now you have me stressing out, watching him more closely, sleeping with one eye open. And he might be...but because you think he is, I don't have any real proof and now I accuse him and he has an opportunity to cover his tracks.

Also, you have to check out the source. Why would a true friend try to hurt you? How were you told? Was it sincere or was it like "Ahhh, that's why he's cheating!" I definitely would want to know b/c then I have an option to leave or stay. If I never know, I can not make that decision. The person who knows is making the decision for me. Now reverse it. Would I tell someone if I knew their husband was cheating? I really don't know. It depends on my relationship with her and what I really know about her husband. She may not want to know or she might already know. It's very touchy! A true friend I would tell for sure. The thing about it is, you can not judge if the WIFE doesn't leave him or leaves him and takes him back. You did your due diligence.

Chime in...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Single Ladies 2 Day Event! Singles:write in Wives: answer!


I have received many emails and/or spoken to friends that are single who want to participate in the blog! WOW! I am flattered. So I came up with the topic for today and tomorrow! Today & tomorrow I want Single ladies to write in and ask questions and have the WIFES answer from their viewpoint. If you are single, post it with the name Single A or whatever your initial is, so the WIFE can address your question.

So SINGLES, what do you want to know that only a married woman can answer? Do you want to know can you tell if he's the one or not before you accept that engagement ring? Do you want to know the signs if he's not that into you? Do you want to know the result of marrying for money or status or opportunity? Do you want to know if married sex is better than single sex? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW SINGLE LADIES!

I will say this.... and I will say more when you write it BUT... never settle. You will regret it.

Here is a video by Pastor R.A. Vernon 10 Rules of Dating for your viewing pleasure.