Thursday, July 29, 2010

When is it the right time to introduce your children to the man you are dating?

I know this is not necessarily a question for married women if you are married NOW? But you could have been in this situation before you got married or help a single lady who is going through this as we speak. It was actually a co-worker who gave me this question.

If you have children, let's say 2 for example, and you start seeing a nice man....when should you introduce him to your children? Now I am not the expert in this category, I just have an opinion. Now if he's just a friend like a co-worker and he will never be anything serious, I don't see the harm in bringing a new friend around - but even then you still have to be careful because children get attached. With that same sentiment in mind "children get attached" I think it's very important that you don't introduce them to your children (a guy you are interested in dating) until you are sure you really want to officially DATE him and vice versa. I don't think it's cool that every time a lady gets a new boo the kids meet him and they see mama hugged up on Leroy in March and Travis in May. I know relationships don't always work out but again because children get attached I would really want to get to know him (without having sex!) on a certain level first. Pay attention to him in great detail; how does he treat people, his family members, his nieces and nephews, his friends.

And then when you do introduce them to your children - pay attention to your children, because we all smile in the beginning. Even on the flip side - have you ever been the new girlfriend and had to meet his children? You were probably nervous, didn't know what to say, and wanted them to like you. So you smiled and played the nice role, but when you left - you best believe that child told their daddy if they like you or not, and the same with your children. Sometimes children, many times pre-teens/teens can see things we can't see because we like the guy so much! I know I got all off subject....sorry.

Steve Harvey (if I heard him correctly) says you should introduce him as soon as you start dating. WHY? Because he feels that they guy needs to know that he is dating you and your children! Not just you. And when he dates you for so long without meeting the children and vice versa, you get used to the person and relationship without children. So now you add children and sometimes that changes the dynamic of the relationship. He makes a good point. So we kind of said two different things, but I am interested in what your thoughts and experiences are.

Monday, July 26, 2010

To Pre-nup or Not to Pre-nup?

Pre-nuptial agreement - *the first pre-nuptial agreement was recorded in 1916*
A pre-marriage agreement, also known as a prenuptial or ante nuptial agreement is a legal document. It is a contract between you and your fiancée that addresses financial issues and any other issues that are important to you and your fiancée.

Do you have a Pre-nuptial agreement? Were you asked to sign a pre-nuptial agreement? Was it ever discussed or even thought about? If you (even if you are the woman reading this) could do your marriage over would you have signed one? Well, I was never asked BUT I got married at 26 and he was 28 and we were kind of going in this thing with everything we had. No, we didn't have money like the ballers and shot-callers but what we did have we made sure and agreed that it would all be one. And honestly, I say that because I know we didn't have it like that - so it's easy to say. But what if my husband did have money like "The Dream" - who reportedly made Christina Milian sign papers in the midst of her labor! Or T.I. who is marrying Tiny in Miami on July 31st! Would he have made me sign a pre-nup then? I would hope not. Or what if the shoe was on the other foot and I had more money than my man like Jennifer Hudson? Would I ask for a pre-nup? Should I?

I say that because - to me, a pre-nup is a secure way out. Marriage is serious business and it's not a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. It's a contract. It's a covenant. Marriage is an economic partnership. You should have full financial disclosure of your fiancée’s assets, debts and income before and during the marriage. You should know what your spouse is willing to share with you before the marriage. And you shouldn't (just my thoughts) go into it thinking about a way out. Because if you are thinking about a way out before you even go in - maybe you shouldn't get married - or married to that person. Now, we all know marriages don't work out - shoot we see divorces all the time - but WHY? That's a whole other blog. But for those that haven't gotten married - really think about this decision, because marriage is not something you can walk away from in one day (like you can your boyfriend!). Divorce is expensive, draining and really brings out the worst in people. As for the pre-nup, I would personally say no because you shouldn't marry for money (only!). You marry because you believe (you should) that this person is your soul mate and you want to share it ALL with him/her. ALL!! You hear me, ALL! Which means your possessions and you’re MONEY! You work to build a life together and grow in every way together; spiritually, financially, mentally and physically. If you start of by saying, "sign this because just in are not getting this!" That means you always have that in the back of your mind!

I would love to know the statistics of married couples who sign a pre-nup! Also if you have that much money and you have to make her sign a pre-nup - is there already a lack of trust? Or is there already a tiny bit of doubt that it might not work? Or you are just protecting yourself? Protecting yourself from what? Your soul mate, your future spouse, your so-called best friend? You should know that person well enough that if it didn't work out that he/she wouldn't take you to the bank and try to break you. Or are you the type to try to break that person. Again, pre-nup or no-pre-nup?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Do you have a SOUL TIE?

This subject is so very interesting to me. My pastor bought it up some weeks ago and finally showed us a video on this subject, on this past Wednesday. After the video he allowed a question and answer period. And boy did it get hot in there? It was very eye opening. I had my own thoughts of what a soul tie was before I saw the video. I thought it was your soul being connected to someone you had sex with past/present. When I saw the video, I was actually correct but it went so much deeper than I thought it did. I actually like that, because it made me think and it made for good conversation for my husband and I on Wednesday night. Whewwwww! Below, I will list 10 signs (based on the video) that you have a soul tie. And honestly, I am really not talking about your husband because you should have a soul-tie to him! It's the one's before him (and hopefully not during the marriage) that really effect you (or can effect your marriage before it even gets started!) the most.

Soul-tie: physically, emotionally, spiritually an individual yielding themselves to another person. There are good and bad soul ties. There are godly and ungodly soul ties. Soul ties bind like ropes!

1. Any person you had sex with - you have a soul tie. Also, are there unhealed memories of this person? When you think of this person does it bring a smile to your face? You have a soul tie!
2.Unable to focus - your thoughts are always on this person.
3. *sorry can't make out my handwriting*
4. Impractical frame of reference - always comparing your man to this person.
5. Fingerprint on your soul - *didn't get his explanation on this one.*
6. Inability to connect with your spouse. - self explanatory, you really can't connect because there is a block there. You are really already connected with someone else or your mind won't free up memories or let go to be able to really connect with your spouse the way you should.
7. Weight on your emotions -
8. Desire to escape from reality - wondering what coulda, woulda, shoulda - and might could be right now!
9. Spirit of heaviness on you.
10. You can sense thoughts of what the other person is thinking. - I mean you are literrally connected like that. I have a friend who is great friends with their ex and they still finish each other sentences! And they have been ex's for over 10 years.

Like I said, if you have some or all of the things listed above, you have a soul tie to someone. When he was calling them out, I was like WOW! This is so very interesting and I could really understand why it's important to wait until you get married to have sex (I say that because I am a Christian and follow Jesus!). Sex with this one, that one and the other one can really mess you up! And for women because we get so emotionally invested, it could really mess us up. He talked about how soul ties can mess your marriage up! It was deep.

Well, how do you get rid of the soul-tie. You have to first acknowledge that it exist, bring it before God and be ready to really let it go. That is so easier said than done. And just because you say out of your mouth, "I'm ready!" doesn't mean it happens like that! Somethings happen by only fasting and prayer, and I am not saying that this is the way of getting rid of the soul tie. I am saying that something as strong as a soul tie really takes you spending some time with God and really being ready to let this person go and doing what it takes to walk away mentally!

Honestly, what do you think?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Who do you trust? Your friend or your man?

I think this is a good question because many times when this question is asked women automatically jump up and I say, "I trust my man b/c my friend might want my man, she might be jealous! Is she really even my friend!" But we are not talking about that 'friend'. We are talking about your best friend, your main girl.... if your main girl tells you she saw your dream celebrity on the street you would believe her, so why wouldn't you believe her if she told you - your man was out there doing wrong? You tell your man (not that you heard it from her, but just what you were told) and of his version doesn't match. Who do you believe? If the girl is really your friend, what would she gain by lying to you? I am not telling you who to trust..... you really have to know your friend and your man, I am just asking the questions!

Enjoy the video..... it's a good one!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

If you’re married can a single person be your best friend?

I ask that question because I have been in church many times when it is discussed that Married folk can’t do what single folk can and vice versa. So with that being said, can a single person really be your best friend. I believe they can but it is definitely some things you will not be able to share because they can not relate. For example, I have a friend who IS single and she can kick it whenever she wants, go wherever she wants when she wants. She calls me up and says, “Want go see this show or can we go to this show?” And inside I want to be like, “HELL YES! I WILL MEET YOU THERE!” But, the reality is, I have to check with my husband!  I have to see if our schedules cross, make sure the children are taking care of, etc. And shoot, sometimes your husband just doesn’t want you to go. He might want your time or he might just want you at home! Can your single friend understand that? I can hear her now, “He said you can’t go?!” Now I didn’t say he said that – but that’s how she heard it! Sometimes if you have never been married, it’s hard to understand that you really are one and you make decisions together. Don’t get me wrong – you have your own desires and dreams – but your spouse should be standing right there to support you and push you! Can your single friend (who has never been married) give you advice when you are going through? They are seeing your situation from a single stand point, an independent standpoint.

Let’s reverse it. What if your husband’s BFF was single. He was always hanging at the club and wanting your hubby to tag along! Why not? That’s his boy right? Is that cool with you? When they are at the bar…. His friend can look and touch! Your hubby can’t.

I am not saying a single and married person can’t be the best of friends because I believe they can, but it will be definitely things that the other might not understand. And you can’t be upset at them for not “getting it”. They are not in your shoes.