Sunday, June 27, 2010

Symptoms of Controlling Wife

Are you a controlling wife? Would your husband agree with you? Well we (the WIFES) just went over a few symptoms that if you have .... you just might be a controlling wife! You might want to watch this with your hubby! Remember - we aren't experts, just wives!

Some of the topics we talked about was 1) Belittling him, putting him down in front of his friends, family or just all the time. 2) Questioning - constant nagging, asking question you know the answers too. 3) Clingy - do you really have to go EVERYWHERE he goes. Come on now. Don't you want your own ME TIME? 4) Head of Household - why do you try to over power him and play the male role. Let him be the man. There are more symptoms, but what do you think they are?

Sunday, June 20, 2010

If I could change one thing about my spouse - just one thing.

I know what the title says, "If I could change one thing about my spouse." Now I am not saying it's only one thing to change, there's a few. *SN - He had a good father's day today too. From beginning to end, I think he would say, we (the kids and I) made him smile.* Now, back to the topic. Because I said if I could change ONE thing, I am just going to talk about one thing today. And that is "GETS ME." If I could change one thing, it would be that he just gets me. My husband knows me, loves me, he's in love me, I make him laugh daily, we have great common goals, but I wish he really GOT ME. I wish he would finish my sentences, and know what I am thinking so he doesn't always have to ask, "What are you thinking about?" When he asks me, "What's wrong?" I want him to already know so he doesn't even have to ask, because he GETS ME.

Please don't get the impression that my husband doesn't know me. He does. He knows when I am excited, sad, irritated, mad, have an attitude, being sneaky, quite for a reason and pissed off with him! But it's that extra UMPH- that if he knew that extra UMPH, in my mind it would all be perfect....And maybe I am not explaining it correctly. Or maybe the married ladies reading this already know what I am talking about and understand completely. Maybe that UMPH will come with time. Maybe. I will just leave it at that.

Feel free to write about your one thing. **Also, the blog was designed for comments. I enjoy the emails and the calls about how much you enjoy the blog, BUT other women need to hear what you have to say. It was created for MARRIED WOMEN ... not created for you to just FOLLOW ME!** I do thank you for your support.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

10 reasons SHE (for the fellas) might not be the one!

Hello All,

We had fun doing this video! The topic for today is, Reasons SHE (for the fellas) might not be the one!
Here are just some of the things we talked about 1. Clean the house (she doesn't have a desire). 2. Name of another dude tattoos on her neck 3. If all the dudes in the club know her name! 4. She doesn't have confidence (in her own sexy), you always have to reassure here. 5. Her best pair of shoes are Air Jordans 6. selfish 7. She dresses better than the inside of her house looks.Ok...... we got stuck! You can add the rest!

**I hope and pray no one gets upset! We are just having fun and we are not experts, that's why we had a man on there! **

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Is your marriage a JOB or a Career?

* Had a great - long weekend. I also saw Karate Kid with my husband and son. Two words: LOVED IT. I actually cried at the end. Man, I felt his pain. I was bullied too so I knew how he felt. But who gets the last laugh! We did! (Jaden and I)*

Ok. Is your marriage a JOB or a Career? I actually got this question from my pastor during a sermon some weeks back. When he first said it, I was like "WHEWWW" blown away because I never thought of it like that and immediately wrote it down. He start comparing a job versus a career and then started relating it to marriage. What is the difference between a Job and a Career to you? For me a job is a place at this point in my life that I really don't want to have. If I have a job then it's just a stepping stone to my career. A job is a place that I wouldn't want to be at for too long. And sometimes the job you have - you settled for because it's not the real career you always dreamed you have. Sometimes you settle for a job because the money pays the bills. Everyday you go hoping something better will come along or you just allow your self to be content with what you have because you mind says, "At least I have a job!" Is your marriage a JOB? Did you settle when you married your spouse? Is your mind completely there? Did you marry him because you knew he would be a good provider and father to the children, but he wasn't necessarily the love of your life? Are you always wondering what could have been? Even as bold as looking for something better? Do you work hard in your marriage (job) to make it better or you settle for the current state it's in?
A career to me is something that I am doing that I have always wanted to do. Or have at least worked myself up the ladder to this current position and in some way feel that "I have arrived" or "I am surely on my way." When you have a career, you are happy to tell people what you do, where you work and your struggles to the top. You still have valleys in the career but it's no other place you rather be. When you have a career, if you stop working for one company, you will go to another to do the exact same thing - hopefully making more money! In most cases, you prepare for years for your career. You go to school. You intern. You do your research on the career. You might even work for free just to get experience. You see yourself in that position. Is your marriage a Career? Do you love being there? Did you always dream of being with your husband and now that you have him - you will do anything to make the marriage the best it can be. Do you want to be there? Are you always trying to keep things spicy? Do you feel this marriage is what you worked for? You researched marriage and what a WIFE is, you did the pre-martial counseling (not saying that it's a pre-requisite but in your mind you wanted to cover all the bases).
Again, for me it was really something to think about when I heard the question. I started to question myself and what I thought my marriage was based on my actions, thoughts and feelings. Interesting find. Ask yourself.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

How long do you stand by a spouse with a drug or alcohol addiction?

Dear WIFE,

I would like to make a topic suggestion; how long do you stand by a spouse with a drug or alcohol addiction? 

Curious WIFE   

This is a good question, but honestly hard for me to answer. Mainly because I personally haven't dealt with that with my spouse. My husband doesn't even drink alcohol! Not even a little bit! Now that I am thinking about it, I did deal with it from a daughters perspective. My mother and stepfather were married 10-11 years before he started using drugs. I think the drugs led to cheating and that is what ultimately broke them up (besides the fact they knew seemed to be really IN LOVE, now that I know what being IN LOVE is). I have really never talked about it to my mom about what was the ultimate reason, but I know soon after I found out about the drugs, he was out of there. This subject is hard because I could say all day I would leave him! But being in that situation is another story.

I think you have to ask yourself many questions: "Do I really love my husband enough to stay with him through this addiction?" "Am I willing to help him get over this problem?" "How will it affect my children?" "How will I help them deal with this?" "Is this an addiction that will take days, months, years to get over?" "Will his addiction financially ruin this household?" "Can we recover?" "Is this worth it?" "Can I trust God to deliver my spouse?" "If he relapses, can I handle starting over helping him again?" I really can't put a time stamp on this question. The answer is more about what's in the heart of the WIFE (or hubby) whose dealing with a spouse that is struggling with an addiction. In your heart or gut, you know your limits and how much you can take. I do hope some women out there who read this, really comment and give you a better answer. God Bless you.

Beauty Secrets Part 1.wmv

Good day all,

The most recent two videos are fun videos! The WIFES wanted to share beauty secrets, and that's what we did. We talked about the things we do to keep our skin, bodies, and face looking fresh and feeling soft!
Please feel free to give some tips of your own! Excuse the actual footage! I am not sure what happened to the tape!

Beauty Secrets Part 11.wmv

Part 11: More secrets from the WIFES!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Sex & the City - SHOULD you kiss and tell (your hubby)?

Saturday night was Mocha Mom night! We (The Mochas) went out to movies and then drinks! Great get-a-way for mothers by the way! The movie we went to see was Sex in the City! Afterward, we went for drinks and food and the conversations began. Everyone had their own opinion about the movie. I thought the movie was OK. Not bad, not great, just ok. I did laugh and that's a good thing. I definitely think the first one was better, but I would say if you saw the first one and was a fan of the show - you should see the second to close it out. I don't believe they should do a third installment because they would really be stretching for material.
There were alot of things I related to in the movie as a WIFE and mother (which is another reason why I liked it. Kinda wished hubby was there too!) But today we aren't talking about those topics! We are talking about the KISS! In the movie, Carrie saw her ex-boyfriend Aidan, fiance, love whatever - while she was on a girls trip to Abu Dhabi. He wanted to go to dinner with her, to catch up. She agreed because she wanted to catch up too. You could also see in his eyes that it was a part of him that never really got over her too. While they were at dinner, they both talked about their marriages, kids, present, past and future. Aidan did admit that she still looked amazing and he can't deny that. The date was over and they started to walk back to somewhere (not even sure where they were going!). But as they were walking back, they were talking about their surrounding and Abu Dhabi - then BAM!!!! Aidan stops, grabs her face and goes in. He kisses her like he really missed her! She kisses him back. They kiss for a good 30 seconds! They both kind of pull away at the same time. Then she gasp, like "Ah uh oh!!" and he gasp like, "OMG, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that!" And she agrees and runs away! In the movie she doesn't see him again. She is literally out of her mind over this kiss! She run and calls all the girls together and tells them what happened and wants to call BIG (the hubby) and tell him right away!

Two of her friends said they are really not sure what she should do? Samantha's character said, "Don't tell him. And if you feel you want to right now, at least sleep on it!" Carrie didn't want to have secrets - so she told him. It's so ironic because right after she told him, she said, "I should have never told him!" I am not going to go into what happened in the end of the movie - go check it out. BUT BUT BUT... if the same thing had happened to you, would you have called the hubby up and said, "Ummmm, I was having dinner with an EX and he kissed me!! It meant nothing!" Would you? Should you? Why? Would your husband tell you? Would your husband even tell you if another lady hit on him? The consensus at the table was NO. No because she didn't kiss him (even though she didn't pull away for 30 seconds), he did kiss her. And she did leave right away! She wasn't asking for it or even trying to take it there. Nothing else happened and it was obvious that nothing more was going to happen. Is it worth getting your husband upset for something you didn't start and plan to let happen again? Just asking. Sooooooooo what would you do?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Swizz Beatz Pays Mashonda $334K AND is Alicia Keys a homewrecker?

Two weeks ago it was reported that Swizz Beatz' ex-wife Mashonda Dean claimed her producer ex-husband owed her $325,000 in equitable distribution and $9,000 in alimony and child support. Now, according to AOL Black Voices, Beatz has paid Dean the $334,000 to avoid a going to court later this month. Beatz signed a document noting that he was going against his lawyer's recommendations by paying his ex-wife, with whom he has a son, Kaseem Dean Jr., 3.

Two weeks ago, Beatz told the NY Post, "I gave over what the judge was recommending to give. I gave Mashonda $700,000 upfront, because I thought $200,000 wasn't enough for what she wanted to do. I still get spit in my face for it." Beatz and Mashonda's divorce was finalized in early May. It has since been announced that his fiancee Alicia Keys is pregnant with the couple's first child.

"I'm super-excited," he told NY Daily News of getting engaged and expecting his third child. "People are calling me from Dubai and Japan. We haven't set a wedding date, but we will. We're just letting everything flow."

My friends and I have talked about these two quite frequently over the past couple of weeks. It's 9 of us that talk literally every single day via email. When the news hit about Alicia Keys being pregnant, the emails started up again! I think half of us thought she was a home wrecker and the other half didn't.  I don't think everyone had fully heard the story of Alicia and Swizz Beatz before hearing she was pregnant and he was still married. I, like most, only know what I read about BUT I don't think she is a home wrecker. He has been separated from his now ex-wife for a good minute now. Although, the details are kind of fuzzy about the question of when the two actually started seeing each other? Did she steal him from his ex wife? Is that even possible? Was he happy in the first place? Only they really know the answer. But I will say, how you get him will be how you lose him! (That's just a saying, but something to think about!) Also, I am more concerned about why they are getting married? Is it because she's pregnant? I am just asking!! I mean his divorce was just final and you are already engaged and having another baby!! Man!! Don't you want a break? Don't you want some breathing room? Maybe not. Maybe Alicia is his true love and he has no doubts? If he wasn't happy with his ex wife, what should he have done? Should he have stayed with her for the sake of their son? It's so many questions and not enough answers. We all have different ones, I am sure. Well, I am still a fan of her music. I kind of wish the cloud of "Homewrecker" wasn't hanging over her head during a time that should be so happy for her. In her industry, image matters. And even though, I am sure her true fans will remain....she has definitely took a hit. By the way, I love the song "Unthinkable".....the words are so true for me!