Today's topic on the Michael Baisden show was titled Unsatisfied: Suffering in Silence! Whoa...and listening to that show led to many questions by the listeners and got my mind to wondering. Many women are unfulfilled by their husbands sexually and won't say a word. It could be a number of reasons for not speaking up: you might hurt his fragile ego, you might be nervous yourself to verbalize your wants, you could be hoping he will just get better! Because of the male ego, (also another great topic) if the sex is not that good on a certain night - will you fake it? Have you faked it? Or are you the bold one? The one that says, "Nuh uh boo! That's not it!" I know sex is not everything but could you go through life suffering in silence? Because even if you fake it, you are still suffering in silence b/c you are not letting your real needs and wants be known and basically you are taking what you are given.
I just thought of something. Do you think your husband even cares if you fake it? Or he just wants to get his rocks off?
Married life isn't always easy, but with the right person - It is always worth it. This blog is my journey in the mighty married life, showing the good, bad & the great. The hubby, the kids & just life! Some topics are sensitive and some are a blast! Either way, I am going to try to enjoy life!
14 comments:
I'm not married, but I have faked it. I eventually told the truth about what I needed, but he was too immature to handle the truth. I wasn't ghetto about it--I even made it romantic. Anyways, if your husband cares, then the fact that you fake it is more hurtful to him, more than if you just tell the truth. Faking your emotions is never a good thing. No, sex is not everything, but it is VERY important. God designed sex to be the way that a husband and wife COMMUNICATE or DISPLAY their love for the other (and to have children). So, if you're hiding what you feel, then how is he supposed to experience your intimate feelings for him? If you can't talk to him about the sex, what else can you not talk to him about? Sex is the most vulnerable and most real place a woman can be with her husband. This is why single women have better sex than some married women. For some reason when some tie the knot, they let go of themselves (not necessarily weight issues) and become complacent. Just because you're married doesn't mean that you have to forget who you are and why you married this man.
Never have, never have to. But if it were an issue, I would definitely speak up. Sex in a marriage is extremely important and I know my husband would appreciate knowing if he wasn't satisfying me. It might hurt his feelings at first but it would definitely be something that I would have to speak up about. It could potentially lead to other issues in the marriage.
Ok for those who say they have never faked it I don't believe it. Unless you are always completely honest with your man even when he is not good is really great. But I do believe that most women do fake it. Research says that most women don't even climax during sex. No man is going to please you all the time and we don't like to hurt ego's. We don't tell them they suck but we should. So many women are not pleased in the men and men have no ideal about it. I guess we women need to talk to men about how to please us, because a silent women is a women dreaming. dreaming about soemone else.
I think in the beginning he wouldn't care maybe for one time only but of course he wants to get his rocks off but at the same time I want fake it but will address the the issue and now it has been something to work on and at to fixed better and must say it has been interesting in going about it but in a good way.
I'm the "Naw Booh, that ain't cuttin it" wife. I haven't faked it, but I've done it(had sex) even though I wasn't that into it or him at the time. I believe this happens with a lot of wives, instead of faking it we may just do a quicky so that we don't have to put any emotions into it but at the same time please him and his ego...and he doesn't know the difference...he just wants to get some. Now if the sex isn't satisfying.....ah you knew that before the marriage right, so if you are faking it now....you've been faking it. That has got to be exhausting. I'm sorry to say, but he isn't going to get any better if you don't take the time to tell him what it is you really need...why....because he thinks that he's THE MAN and puttin it down! You can't do better until you know better...so tell the man! Besides it is you that gets up dissatisfied....this could lead to other problems in the marriage(communication). If we as wifes(wives)want change in the bedroom then we need to speak up.....Naw Booh, this ain't gonna cut it! We should be open and honest, so what if his feelings are hurt....aren't yours hurt each and every time you fake it....let's just be real about it.....what's the worst that could happen? Okay I might be a little insensitive about it, but surely you understand what I mean....his focus shouldn't be on him at this point it should be on his wife and how he can make it better.
Nah, never faked it but have done some quickies to ensure my man was satisfied...I love him like that. If I had the need to fake then we would surely have to talk. Sooner of Later your emotions would show. I think he knows the quickies mean he has to do some work. LOL.
I think I am like the last 2. I haven't faked it but I have done the quickies. And I have had to tell him what I didn't like. He was actually glad to hear it and tried to give it to me the way I wanted it! Can't be mad at him for that. And I asked him too, am I pleasing you!
I have a question....do men fake it? I know we all want to act like we are all that in the bedroom, but what if you're not cuttin it for him and he just gives it to you because you are his wife? How would you know if he was faking it? Would you be hurt? What would you do? Just thought I would throw that in there for the WIFES...just something to think about. B, you have some great posts by the way.
Thanks Realist!!
I wonder if Men fake it too. How would we know b/c they are so happy just to be getting some they wouldn't tell us!! What is wack to a man? I might need to make this a male question and invite some men to comment! Ohhhhhhhh that would be soooo good. I wonder how freaky they want their wife! Do they want different positions? Do they want more oral? Do they want you to make more noises? Do they want more movement? Good question Realist!
Girl yes! I can't wait to comment. My husband and I talk about sex often, the good and the bad! I have 5 brothers too, they tell it all! I'm shocked to hear some of the stories, but wonder why women act as if it's always the man. Honestly, sometimes I want to be lazy...cause all that work girl...have a sistah tired! Lol!!! Well I know my husband and I just thank God I'm his sexual fantasy...but sometimes I wish I hadn't exposed my freaky side cause he expects it all the time...shoot that's just for special occassions...Lol!
Don't get me wrong, I will slap a quickie on him to make him happy but again, I don't feel the need to fake if just because. Not even sure if I could do it right. Hubby knows me too well. lol. It's still enjoyable without the climax. Also, intercourse is not the only way to reach that point. You have to find out what works for you and your hubby to make sure you are satisfied.
The man opinion. I can just imagine what they would say. More oral, more oral, more oral.
Hello Ladies. I feel that being honest in a marriage is the most important thing. With everything that can happen and come in the way of your marriage do not allow dishonestly, which you can control be an additional factor. With each of you having a part of yourselves taken away from one another between your jobs, the children, your outside family members, your friends, your hobbies, etc. Your love life with your mate is the one area in your lives that is exclusively for you two. No one else gets apart of that. So why allow for your true emotions to be hidden or faking how you really feel to take place. This the time for you both to feel relief and walk away refreshed. God created the union of marriage for partnership and to experience the level of love and intimacy that He has made closes to what He gives. That is why the act of love making is so amazing and does such wonders for our bodies and mind. By you not being honest during this act you are just cheating yourself from the amazement it was meant to be. Now I know there are times when either you or your mate may not be in the mood and that is okay. Just put a little effort into it so that your partner gets their needs meet. Since the bible does say that you should not deny your husband nor wife the pleasure of intimacy. But, you should not be worried about hurting your mates feelings by telling them you are in need of some extra attention in the bedroom. This may be a time when you have to take lead to show them what you want. Make a game out of it. Always remember men take advise or criticism best when its in an uplifting way.
Men do fake it from time to time for some of the same reasons women do. Our poor performance is not always our fault sometime we just dont have the right chemistry that particular day or your skills are whack. Men are never that hard pressed that a quickie or faking it will please us. If you are not doing the job someone else is trust me on this.
Here is a sage piece of advice : What you dont do someone else will.
Oooooh The Bruthas Corner! I am so thankful for your comment! Keep coming back and schooling us! :)
The WIFE
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