WIFE (Why Isn't Forever Easy)

Hello World! Meet Nicole Ellis.
Nicole is my first cousin, our fathers are brothers. We are the same age and have actually on meet in person about 3 times! But we have kept in contact over the years with many emails and calls! I have grown to love her and look forward to our relationship getting stronger and stronger. As I talk to Nicole, we have both come to find out we are SO MUCH ALIKE! Our drive, our ambition, our goals and more. There is nothing LIKE family! There is nobody like Nicole! Nicole gets very candid about married life, and I hope you enjoy her interview!

How long have you been married?
I will be married for 5 years on March 17, 2012

What do you do? I am currently an aspiring author. In the process of completing my first book.

Do you want children? Why?
No, my hubby and I do not want children. We both enjoy our free time hanging out together by traveling and seeing different places and sites. I like to get up and go too much and I don't know how to sit still. Children seem to like me, but I don't have much patience and tolerance for alot of noise, whining, or just looking after little ones.

How often do you travel? I try to travel at least 3-4 times a year. Each year is different because I generally like to have one big planned trip and other spontaneous trips come on the rise.

What are your marriage goals for 2012?
My marriage goals for 2012 are: 1) Learning/Growing to be more of a patient wife with my husband and understanding that his way is not necessarily the wrong way. 2) To spend less time highlighting my husband's faults and concentrating on the good that he offers throughout our marriage. 3) To become better at saving money to truly enjoy all that marriage has to offer us and to enhance our future together.

What are your personal goals for 2012?
My personal goals for 2012 are: 1) To lose a significant amount of weight by continuously working out at the gym and eating much smarter, so that I can sustain a happier and healthier lifestyle for myself 2) To complete my 1st book before Spring 2012 is over with and to publish and market my book to its fullest capacity throughout the U.S. 3)To start my 2nd book and to put the time and effort into doing appropriate research to turn it into a great book of success.

I see you are natural! How does your hubby embrace that? Well, I have now been natural for 15 months and when I first started talking about going natural, me and my hubby were watching Chris Rock's documentary, "Good Hair." He seemed pretty receptive to the idea of me going natural, but when I actually did the BIG CHOP (BC), he clearly was devastated like he lost his best friend. I told him, it's just hair and it will grow back in due time. My hubby prefers long hair and not short hair. But now, 15 months later, he simply loves it and my hairstyles have become more versatile.

I think taking on the decision to become a naturallite has changed me for the better. My confidence level has substantially increased, I'm more comfortable in my skin and I don't apologize to anyone for the person that I am. Even working in Corporate America, I have worn my natural hair out free and funky, but yet in nice and neat hairstyles. It's amazing....once my co-workers (of different races) have noticed how confident I am with my natural hair, this is when they have embraced it as well and complimented how nice it looks on me.

Does your hubby get along with your mother? and vice versa?
Yes, my hubby get alongs with my mom very well. Often times, my hubby will reach out to my mom and have general conversations and I don't necessarily have to be around for them to carry on in their discussions. My mom is very fond of my hubby and they joke with each other about different things. Many times, all three of us have traveled together to different places and we have had many "movie nights."

What has been the best part of being married? The best part of being married is coming home after a hard day at work to someone who you can confide in and can let your guards down. It's refreshing to be consoled by someone who you can come home to you and who loves you unconditionally and is in your corner.

How did you know he was the one? I knew my hubby was the one in the Fall of 2004 and Spring of 2005. I had moved back to Chicago in the Summer of 2004 and I had a strong nagging sensation that was telling me to call my hubby. I didn't understand the overwhelming feeling that I was experiencing for my husband. Once I contacted him and we started hanging out. We went on dates and I felt like a 16 year-old girl whose palms were sweaty and had butterflies in my stomach. I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said, "yes." In the Spring of 2005, he asked me how would I feel about being married to him one day. I became really giddy knowing that one day we could be husband and wife. And, it came to existence in 2007.

Do you two go to church? Is that important? Yes, we both are members and attending the same church. Recently, we just joined a new church together and will be attending new members orientation. Attending church together as a married couple to us as we believe that God is the foundation of our marriage. Without Him, our marriage simply will not work and blossom into what plans God has in stored for us.

Did he ever tell you when he knew you were the one?
Yes, actually my hubby told me that when I was 17 and he was 20, he knew I was "the one." Secretly, after I graduated from college, he was going to propose to me. I never knew this until 2004. I'm glad things turned out the way they did and we got married in 2007, compared to 1998. I had the opportunity to date and to decide what I want out of a relationship/marriage.

Have you ever had to go through anything serious as a married couple yet?
Unfortunately, yes. On October 25, 2009, my husband's mother passed away in her sleep. She was only 65 years old. The last time I saw her was on a Friday morning as she let me borrowed her suitcase of a weekend trip to Kansas City. On Sunday evening, we went over to check up on my mother-in-law, as my husband had not heard from her all day. We found her passed away as she was resting peacefully, laying on the bed. Her death took us by surprised and we had to make her funeral arrangements. During this grieving period, the loss of my mother-in-law brought us so much closer.

Do you all have gender specific roles in your marriage? We try not to label any gender specific roles in our marriage, but my husband does consistently take out the garbage. Other than that, whatever household chores need to be done, we both contribute to them. My husband has washed dishes many times, cleaned the bathrooms, dusted furniture, washed laundry. I have done many of the mentioned chores and more. Wherever cleaning is needed, this is where we both clean.

What drives you crazy about your hubby? What drives me crazy about my hubby on a bad note is his snoring. If I don't fall asleep before he does, then I'm up just about the whole night. On a good note, I am crazy about his spontaneity and surprised "just cause I love you" gifts. I simply love it!!!

What about marriage suprised you? Actually, nothing surprised me about marriage. I had decided early on not to have any expectations about marriage, therefore; I wouldn't be disappointed nor measuring or comparing accomplishments by the next one.

What do you look forward to? In life and marriage. I look forward to being married till "death do us part" and just enjoying life with one of the most fun-filled, spontaneous, thoughtful, caring, protective, and God-fearing men for the rest of my life. I want to travel 3/4 of the world and to continue to explore and laugh often, and just enjoy each other's company.