Do you fall in and out of love with your spouse? Is that even possible? I mean, once you fall out of love...can you really FALL BACK IN LOVE? I guess anything is possible, but how often does it happen. I know many times I hear women say, I love my husband but I am not in love with him but recently I have heard men saying this more and more. Men don't usually admit to not "being in love with their wives". In the instances that I did get to speak to the men, it seems that they were their for the sake of the children - and if the kids were gone (or non existent) so would HE (or them).
It just makes me think, if you knew your husband loved you but really wasn't in love with you anymore, would you still want him to stay with you? Would you want him to move on. Shoot if you find out he is really not in love anymore, you might want to move on! Or is just loving you enough? Is just staying in a relationship for the sake of raising kids in a two parent home enough? It's a hard question to ask, it's a hard pill to swallow. In both situations, the wives really have no idea.
Also, can a person really be the love of your life if they don't feel the same about you? And if you are truly meant to be someone, would you really fall out of love with them? I am just asking questions as I type. Also, let's talk about years.... I hear people say, "Oh we've been married 12 years! We've been married 21 years!" Okay, does that mean that either party wanted to be there the entire time? Or even still wants to be there? Years don't really mean a thing, because you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes, it is some real unhappily married folks! Just saying.
This post was just me sitting here thinking aloud. It had no real point. But if you have thoughts, feel free to share. And don't get me wrong. Marriage is not a bad thing at all (depending on yours! LOL!) But I know that it is alot of UNHAPPY married folk fronting for their friends and their SPOUSE. And men usually hide their unhappiness more than women do. They just go with the motions for whatever reasons, (family, money, can't walk away). A women will voice her unhappiness in different ways, (actions, lack of sex, etc.). My thing is.... why stay?
I think one of the worst feelings to feel is 1) being in a relationship KNOWING this person is not the ONE for you but you can't just walk away (because of the life you created) AND 2) Knowing exactly who is the person for you but you can't have them (because of the life you created).
Have a great weekend!
This was just my spontaneous post!
Love HARD!
Married life isn't always easy, but with the right person - It is always worth it. This blog is my journey in the mighty married life, showing the good, bad & the great. The hubby, the kids & just life! Some topics are sensitive and some are a blast! Either way, I am going to try to enjoy life!
29 comments:
Great topic! I know people who go through exactly what you are talking about. I am single but I dont think I would want to stay with anyone (boyfriend or husband) who wasnt IN love with me anymore. But good question......do people really stay in love the whole time they are married? Or do they just fall in and out and in ....and just deal with it?? Hmmmmm.......
I'm under the belief that falling "in and out of love" is natural and shouldn't be looked upon in a negative light. If anything, it speaks of the opportunity to do passionate things in order to fall back in love with the love of your life.
Great topic! I also feel that it is only natural to fall in and out of love with your spouse. However, when that moment arrives, it is time to think about what that person did to make you fall in love with them and also what you could do to bring the spice back in the relationship (it takes two).
Mrs. Delightful
www.ourdelightfulhome.blogspot.com
Great topic
very interesting topic! lots of my friends are getting engaged and married, I'll be sure to share this with them.
I know people who go through exactly what you are talking about.I'm one of those people real talk . It's funny but I just ask my husband Why we don't talk to each other like we used to . He said I just have a lot on my mind and now that I have my weekends back we can start doing things.
I am a big fan of your blog! Great topic
My husband admitted to not being in love, but only after I dissected his words. For the past 2 years he always told me during serious talk "I don't love you in the same WAY anymore, it's different now," and he could never figure out how to word it. I then found out he was having an emotional affair with a coworker and confronted him about it. During this he repeated the same "I don't love you in the same way" nonsense. When I asked him if it's that he's not in love with me, he said YES, and that's when my world went downhill. I tried drinking, sleeping all day, even meditation, but NOTHING could ease the heartbreak. But Hubby did nothing to comfort me, only if I called him in to me and told him how I was feeling. Then I'd get a hug, but I feel it was only out of pity. He said he would tone down his "friendshp" with his co-worker, but he still is in contact with her, which REALLY pisses me off.
I gave it a month to try and mend our bridges, but he wasn't putting in the work. Our therapist even told me to step back and let him take the lead when he was ready, since he was blocking me out. Well, after that month I packed my bags and left to live with my parents for awhile.
We are supposed to be working stuff out while we're separated, but I haven't seen a move on his part. NEVER does he call me to socially talk with me or genuinely want to hang out. He ONLY calls me for business. I even went to an Intensive care program for the severely depressed, and he knew it but never tried to see how I was doing, the coward! And I can't forget to mention the outbursts of ANGER he has when we talk about our relationship. Even went so far as to tell his Mom that I hit him! Of course it wasn't true (he was putting drama on me playfully hitting him in the balls - I know it wasn't good to do that, but c'mon, physical abuse?)I finally told him it had to stop, or we might as well not keep trying, and that I deserved not to be disrespected.
Now, after about 4 months he is finally coming around, but only a TINY bit. He agreed to counseling again, and admitted to me on a phone convo that "For the first time [since the separation], I was looking forward to talking with you!" Of course I did NOT like the comment(is it always a CHORE to talk to me?), but I knew he was trying to honestly show a hint of affection.
It's gonna be a long road, and we may not even reconcile, but we're trying. I wonder how long was I under his "spell" before I realized what an ass he can be?
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