Monday, March 29, 2010

Why Do [Married] Women Cheat?

Saturday night I was watching the Joy Behar show on the HLN network and they were again talking about Tiger Woods and Jesse James cheating. She had 2 professional actors (not professional psychologist) on there, and they begin to give their opinion of why women cheat. Joy didn't agree and neither did I. It amazes me how men (just regular old men) think they know women and what's in our head just because they know why they do what they do!

Now MARRIED women, we all know cheating on your husband is wrong. Period. But it's not about the WRONG today, it's about the WHY? Why do married women cheat? Why have you cheated or almost cheated? Did you ever get caught or almost caught? LOL

What's so funny is that [married] men do cheat more than [married] women, but the number of women cheating is on the rise! I don't know how we know this b/c women keep their stuff on the low for real. I mean how many married women do you personally know who have admitted cheating on there husband! Besides the stories I hear about, I only know one! And that is because she herself told me! As for men, I can count on two hands (or maybe more hands) the number of men I personally know that cheated - because they either told me, or they got caught and admitted to it!

So today, it's all about the WHY? What made you take it there?

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok lets see no one once's to comment today. The topic is so taboo. Well I will be the brave one and say I have chaated. At first I was feeling unwanted from my husband and I know for sure that he has cheated. I felt so good to be the center of attention in another's man's eyes. The thrill of snicking out to get a kiss or say hello. I loved the attention and passion on it all. The thigs we did my husband no longer did with me I felt pretty again and desired. Judge me if you want but I am telling the truth. Even if you never have taken it there, you have seen someone who excited you, or someone has said something that has made you want to look twice. I could continue, but I will keep my litle secret.

Anonymous said...

Well, I saw this comment earlier today but I wanted to wait and see what someone would say. I too have cheated. Not on purpose but it happen over the course of time. Like the first person, this man made me feel a way my husband didn't. My husband didnt't kiss me anymore, this man kissed me all the time and it felt good. He kissed on me and it felt good. When he touched me, I shook! When I met the guy, I couldn't stand him (we worked together) but over time he wore me down. He is married too. This happen some years ago. And I ended it. I basically cheated b/c I wasn't satisfied with what I was getting from my husband, emotional and physically. He wasn't laying the pipe right, hardly ever kissed me, and just emotionally I wasn't feeling him. I believe my husband has never cheated on me. I don't have any proof that he has and he has never given me a reason to think that. I do feel guilty about it and if I could do it over again I would not have done it. But I can't go back.

Curious Wife said...

To the first post, are you still married? Did your husband ever find out? How did it end and was it just once? Just curious?

Curious wife!

Erica said...

Well I just read the book "The conversation" by Hill Harper and found this topic to be very enlightening. I am now convinced that men cheat because they can, they are often met simply with Opportunity it's just that simple. Women on the other hand usually cheat because they are trying to fill a void. The previous post is an example of this fact. Have you tried communicating your needs to your husband?

Anonymous said...

I haven't cheated, came close TWICE but never went through with it. I'm so glad that I didn't although I'm positive that my husband has come close if not gone all the way. (I've found emails, texts, calls, etc.) I was needing to fill a void and I have a void that needs to be filled now (our marriage lacks intimacy from EVERY aspect, the mind-blowing sex that we use to have, friendship, etc.), but I'm trying to take a guilt-free and healthier route than I would have before. I'm talking to the Lord more often, getting in touch with my creative side, and I'm just working on myself all around because Lord knows I've got a lot of work to do. So with ALL of that work, I don't really have time to cheat. Lol I have heard that a woman can lie and cheat easier than a man. (Unless he's a sociopath.) I don't know if this is true in most cases or not, but I know that definitely fit me when I had my close encounters. (They were with the same guy/my ex, by the way.) I felt so guilty the first time, I confessed this to my husband and he forgave me. Years later, after all the mess and lies I've caught him in since that first time, when the second time happened--I felt no guilt at all. I had to MAKE myself feel guilty so that the guy I was spending time with wouldn't think I was this heartless woman without a conscience. After that, I felt guilty but would NEVER tell my husband anything like that again. If I had never felt that guilt, I would not have been able to ask the Lord for forgiveness and move forward. I know I'm all over the place with my comment here but I'm really thinking about all of this and I'm remembering how I was feeling during my close calls. These days I'm really bothered by the fact that everyday I make it a point to tell my hubby how sexy I think he is and he MIGHT tell me that I "look nice" once every month or two. That hurts quite a bit but I know when I'm looking fly and when I'm not. (And I know the guy I was almost cheated with thinks I'm beautiful even when I'm in my sweats. He always has thought that the entire 17 years I've known him.) Anyway, I think the "what ifs" are what stopped me. You know, what if I get pregnant? What if I catch something and give it to my husband? What if I completely destroy my marriage and family life? Do I leave or stay? What would happen to my friendship with this guy? Would he ever trust me again? Those types of questions. Anyway, I've moved on. I still think about that ex daily but I won't talk to him or return his calls. Also, these days I think about just divorcing my husband, not cheating on him. But knowing me, I'll continue to stay for the kids as long as we never end up arguing in front of them. If we do, I'm out! I won't say that I will never cheat because if in that situation and caught up in the moment, the Lord knows I'm weak so it's best to just stay away. To those of you who have admitted to cheating on here, thanks for having the courage to say so. No judgment here, I feel you.

wife K said...

not sure if I want t o admit to this or not but I have not cheated on my hubby or do I think that he would to me but I have been the one who was the one the men would cheat with. please no stone throwing but not all men do it just case they can or to see if they will get away with it some for a sense of being lonely and it was not always just for sex either however it was cause I wanted my own and was tired that I stop and as soon as I did is when I was bless with my new hubby but at times I knew that they were not going to leave their wifes and sometimes didnt want them to but it was a prayer of mine to not let me have to pay for ti the same way for my sinned cause dont think that I would be able to handle it funny but due to other relationship of being cheated on is I think part of the reason is why I did it. so from the other end of the spectrum just thought that I would shed some light.

Anonymous said...

I have never cheated on my husband nor do I want to. I was never really a cheater, but I have cheated in two boyfriend girlfriend situations because of the lack therof within the relationship. The grass always looks greener on the other side. I also messed around with a few guys that were in a relationship but never married. I feared dating a married man because of Karma. I knew that I would one day become married and I didnt want that to happen to me. Because I have been cheated on in the past I think that it will happen again, I trust God with my marriage and pray that it will not happen that he or I cheat on one another.

Anonymous said...

the post above hit home for me. I've never cheated on my husband but my hubby wonders sometimes. I guess because I can be a moody person at times and he thinks that means I'm messing with someone else. However crazy as that sounds that's what he thinks. that's a hard question to answer as people have their own reasons to cheat. One lady I knew told me she was damned if she did and had been damned even though she hadn't. Just a tough situation for her all around. Now a days, I wonder if women are beginning to cheat for the same reason men have all these years. Guess it goes back to the " this little woman can take care of cooking, this little woman can take care of the kids, this little woman I'll take home to mama, but this little woman I'll take to the bedroom." wonder why this can't be the same person.

The WIFE said...

Ladies these are some very interesting comments! I was worried when I first posted this question, like.... NOBODY has anything to say. I am thankful for your reponses and you have even given me more topic ideas! I love MY WIFES!

THE WIFE!

Anonymous said...

Many years ago, I cheated on my husband. I let him know about it because I don't like keeping secrets. We never had children. After our divorce, years have passed. We reconciled and he wanted children as the final ultimatum. So, he tried to drive me crazy in the process as instructed by his sneaky girlfriend he was seeing behind my back. He played a lot of mind games but, the final straw that broke the camels' back was I noticed his car parked across the street from a gay bar. I hurried home and waited for his arrival. He came home and went in the bathroom and I checked his wallet and found a gay man's name in his wallet. I left him for that reason. Since, he cheated on me with more than one women and now I am left wondering what he was doing on the down low. His sneaky girlfriend got pregnant in no time, however what she didn't know was I slept with him while she was about seven or eight months pregnant with their first child. Safe sex, my dear because I don't trust him anymore. Remember ladies what goes around, comes around. As for the future, he married her some years ago, and they have two children together. I wish them both a lasting and faithful marriage because I have forgiven myself and them as well. I have moved on and it is a life lesson learned. We all have a story to tell and here is mine. May it give someone, something to think about. Be careful, because you never know who you are married to and I don't want any young lady to experience what I went through.

Wishing You Love, Peace and a Harmonious Marriage,

Anonymous

Anonymous said...

Wow. Those are two of my biggest fears in marriage: that my husband is secretly gay and that he has gotten someone else pregnant. I can't imagine what you must be going through or have felt at the time. Did you tell his wife that he also likes men? I know I would want to know. Either way, God bless you for wishing them well. I came back here to read the other posts and to say that after posting that I almost cheated twice and don't talk to that ex anymore- I called. I'm having a moment of confusion because he lost a family member while I wasn't talking to him and so I wasn't there for him. We used to be best friends. My only defense is that I walked away from that to save my marriage and to keep my family together. (I believe that was a good enough reason!) At the same time though, I'm making plans to go back home to see him (and my family) so we can catch up and decide where our friendship is going or if it will even continue. I swear I can't even look at this man without getting all hot and bothered so I am requesting that he wear a loose-fitting sweatsuit -no matter how hot it is outside- and some raggedy socks & shoes when we see eachother. And in public only. Ugh. I think I could STILL be walking into trouble nonetheless...

Anonymous said...

Wow...going to see an old flame sounds incredibly risky. Be careful about deliberately walking into temptation. If you've asked him to wear sweats like you said (not sure if you were joking about that...lol) that would mean he knows you are still attracted to him and means he has power over you. You've got to ask yourself truthfully what you expect from this meeting. What does he have to offer that your husband doesn't? Is it worth your marriage? Also sounds like you've revelaed to him more than you've revealed to your husband. Trust me, I'm not trying to be judgmental, but if you are at all interested in saving your marriage, meeting with this guy is asking for trouble...lusting, daydreaming, etc. means you've already sinned. I know that sounds harsh, but biblically based.

As for myself, my husband and I haven't cheated on each other. We are pretty open with each other. Recently I started crushing on someone and told him immediately because it pretty much meant now he knew, therefore I couldn't pursue it. He does the same with me. It's not like we're having crushes on a regular basis...this was my first in I don't know how many years (I've probably had like 3 since we've been married). We try to make ourselves accountable to each other. James 5:16 says "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." We are trying to live that thing and it's actually working for us.

Now that's within marriage...before that when we were dating we both cheated on each other once. We've discussed it and moved on. So trust me, I'm not throwing any stones, I've been there.

Anonymous said...

Great point! Thanks for the feedback on my situation. After we talked on the phone and texted a little, I was going to see him and just hope for the best! I feel so driven when I'm with this man. Over the top, I-don't-like-myself driven. It's like I'm addicted to him and can't get enough of everything about him. What I can't stand about him, I was just hoping to ignore/accept it fully one day or see if I can make it go away. (I know it wouldn't go away. The man is consistent in how he is and is confident in who he is.) My feeling addicted to him is one of the reasons why I stopped having anything to do with him for the last 3 months.

Also, I noticed that I started to get paranoid. About something bad happening to me or my kids while I'm choosing to hand my life on to over to someone/something other than God. I had mastered not fantasizing about him but in each other's presence, we usually don't keep our hands to ourselves. :( I realized last night that if I want peace in my life again, then I'm going to have to give my life back to the One I want to be in charge: God. I prayed for the strength to resist going to see this man and tempt myself. And guess what- I received that strength that I needed. I'll see my family later, THEY weren't even expecting me but my ex was.

One of my problems in my marriage is that my husband isn't ready to give his life over to God yet so he doesn't want us to pray or worship together. If we had that type of bond with ourselves and each other through God, I would feel like NOTHING could come between us or destroy what we (could) have.

I'm glad that you and your husband have the type of relationship where you can talk to each other openly like that. Unfortunately, my marriage is too fragile. We also have realized that we are not friends. It's not just that we aren't each other's BEST friend - we aren't friends. I feel like he's mine sometimes until I find out that he's shared something intimate between us with someone else and he feels like I'm his "partner in parenting"... Our other problems are: he'd rather divorce than see a marriage counselor, he's a HUGE flirt, he lies so easily even when he's been caught- I have to pull out proof before he admits things and then he belittles the situation like it was waaaay more innocent than I'm thinking it was (this happens OFTEN), our sex life is 20-40% great when it use to be 120%... The list goes on and on. I tell you, if it weren't for the children.... I know cheating isn't the answer. I was just curious to see if it would be enough to tide me over or something until something more interesting happened with my marriage. Of course, more interesting doesn't necessarily mean BETTER! Lol!

Anyway, I don't feel like you were being harsh at all, because I know it's the truth! Although I don't fantasize about him, I have repeatedly planned the wedding we may have had if I had chosen him instead of my husband. (Another thing that haunts me everyday. Back then I was like, first person to pop the question with a ring to my liking wins! Can you say, "Brat!"?! Lol I know.) When someone claims to belong to God, I believe we get to hold each other accountable for our actions. So I needed that! I don't consider it "judging," I consider it looking out for one another.

I'm okay now. Once I noticed insanity and worry starting to creep back into my life, I had to talk to God and see where it was coming from. It was the shadiness I was up to! LOL He put me back in check and I'm glad. I think He knows that more than expected would've happened. And I had to be reminded that evil is greedy. You give it a little room, and it wants even more. It's never satisfied.

Now that I'm back on track, I can pray for my marriage properly. (And if any of you are willing, please pray for us!)

Thanks, wives!

Anonymous said...

I would like for his wife to know about it and at the same time, I do not wish to cause problems in their marriage. It is my belief that she would think it is a tall tale, but she has this belief that, "Seeing is believing". She will never take the word of what I have to say over her husband's. Basically, she has to find out for herself. Frankly, she is blind-sided and is totally clueless only when LOVE IS BLIND. And who am I to come between them. It is not my place and I will leave that up to My Lord and Blessed Savior.

Wife 123 said...

Hi Ladies! Great comments! But can yall do me a favor? Can you all at least type in a fake name or Wife ABC so people will know who to address. Because every one is anonymous, some times its hard to know...

Ok... now to the anonymous post (lol) that talked about going to see her ex, and the lady that commented about it. I think the whole dialouge was great. I am amazed how the one who wanted to see her ex was able to pray and say no. Because I have prayed to and I still called him the next day! You give me inspiration to do the right thing. Also, you made a huge point, you said you and your hubby weren't "Friends" but from his perspective you are "Parent partners!" that is powerful. Powerful because you should be friends! You should be best friends! And the fact he would rather get a divorce than marriage counseling! WOW! So how is your marriage as a whole though. Are you happy? Just asking b/c my hubby won't go to counseling either! I have asked too! And we aren't best friends either! I have talked about that too! Whewwwww marriage! that's all I gotta say! Marriage!

Anonymous said...

Going back to see an old flame to catch up or deal is it worth the love of your husband whom you professed to and married? This old flame of yours, I am sure has gotten a lot of pussy from other women while you were away and plus some. Is it worth it to have sex with him because when you see him you get all hot and bothered? Well, imagine that your old flame is your husband and sex the hell out of him before you face your old flame. Cause it is going to save you a lot of grief and guilt that will consume you. God knows you go out and sex this man whose been sexing other women the entire time you were gone. Come on now, think real hard about it and ask yourself realistically is this man really worth the sanctity of your marriage. I can't wait to hear your response. Holla back.......You hear....

Anonymous said...

"THE ONE AND ONLY": YOU ARE UNEVENLY YOKED WITH YOUR HUSBAND. THAT MEANS YOU MARRIED AN UNBELIEVER. HERE IS A SUGGESTION: YOU MUST PRAY ON IT AND ASK GOD TO INTERVENE ON YOUR BEHALF. WHILE YOU ARE WAITING ON GOD FOR AN ANSWER, YOU MUST BE PATIENT WHILE GOD WORKS IT OUT FOR YOU.

Wife with a name! LOL said...

WILL yall please name yourself! So we will know who to address! Thanks!

Great comments!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Erica's comment! Like Chris Rock said once, Men are as faithful as their options! If they had options, money, and time it would be likely be open season! Even men with no money cheat when they have options and time! They truly are hunters be nature and monogomy is a serious CHOICE. I think men struggle with the choice of monogomy but women don't really want to look at it that way. I'm not making any excuses for men or saying that they are given a right to cheat because it is their nature...let's just be clear!LOL!
Many times, when women cheat it is simply to fill a void. I don't think we have the right to judge because you never really know what a person is going through or what is happening inside her marriage to cause such longing that she would cheat with another man. I have never cheated on my husband, but a marriage, especially a long marriage, can have stressful periods where if the opportunity arose, you really don't know how you would handle it! I'm just saying!

Can't Judge said...

I agree with you! (the post right before mine!) You don't know what you would do given a situation or circumstance. It's really hard to judge. I used to be a judger BEFORE I slipped! Yep I slipped. But now, even though I don't desire to go THAT route again, I can no longer judge a cheater! Hell, I can't judge anyone anymore. People have their reasons PERIOD. And people may not cheat BUT we all do something, lie, steal, gamble, gossip. Sin is sin.

Southern Wifey said...

I have not cheated on my husband nor on any of my ex boyfriends of my past. I do believe my husband has cheated on me. I have wondered if I could do it/cheat.. by allowing my guard down to see if anything could/would happen. I am not perfect at all but my husband feels secure in this area concerning me. My personal standards have not ever allowed me to go there. I do appreciate the honesty of the women commenting on this blog...

Anonymous said...

I have cheated and my husband knows and he has forgiven me. But we have been to hell and back before I cheated. I even thought about leaving as well but I do love him. He says he has never cheated on me but he does gets text messages every now and then. I guess I should be thanking God that he has forgiven me. I am reading all of the other blogs and I can BREATH. But I did go to God in prayer and whatever happens I guess he will bring me through it. I felt like even though my husband is willing to forgive me I still needed to go to my Father and confess.

Anonymous said...

I've been with my fiance over 4 1/2 years. We are getting married in June, and by the we will have been together for 5 years. I absolutely could NOT ask for a better man in ANY way. He is as close to perfect as they come, and he is more than I had EVER EVER hoped for. He is kind, loyal, understanding, supportive, masculine, strong, cute as a freakin' button!, moral, shares common values, doesn't have a temper problem...I could go on for days about his good qualities. Problem is, I almost cheated the other night because I was drunk. I really think I did cheat...I kissed the guy and let him touch my breasts...but no sex. To me, that's probably cheating. I feel so dirty, filty, and GUILTY. I am not unhappy in ANY WAY with my fiance. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I do that? I clearly don't deserve my fiance, but I can't make myself tell him because I can't stand the thought of losing him. PLEASE HELP!!! Someone explain to me WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!

GLADYS RICHARDSON said...

Ladies......
I finally told his current wife about her husband's previous behavior(my finding a gay man's name in his wallet) and his other discretions while she was pregnant with his first child. She said that I needed professional help and tried to imply that I was mentally ill. She is in deep denial at the moment. I even told her that her sister-in-law knows about it ,as well as my ex-husband best friend, and even left her his phone number where he can be reached for confirmation...She will no longer correspond with me because she believes that I am trying to ruin her marriage, which is not true....I, simply wanted to get the truth off my chest so I can feel better after thirteen years of holding it all in....I meant no harm...I thought she needed to know about him because it can affect her more ways then one.....I hope it does not affect her emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being...Why Isn't Forever Easy blog has been a breathe of fresh air for me, even though I am no longer married? Enclosed....I don't want to be remembered as an once married wannabe....I've been there, done that....



I feel very sorry for Mrs. C.V.W.R. and I don't want to be in her shoes because I can only walk in my own and have suffered greatly because of it....Thank God ...I didn't have kids by him.....GOOD LUCK, DEAR...YOU NEED THE LORD 24/7 EVERY SECOND, EVERY MINUTE AND EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY...I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND ALL YOUR CHILDREN 24/7....

BE BLESSED, NOT STRESSED, AND TOO ANOINTED TO BE DISAPPOINTED....
THEN ONE FINE SWEET DAY YOU WILL LAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET...

Millie Belstock said...


This is my testimony, I saw results within 4 days, I am very excited my lover is back now, i am so happy that greatzula@yahoo.com brought the love of my life back.