Marriage itself has it's pros and cons, its good, its bads, its ups and downs. And every marriage is different. Just like you should compare yourself to another person (in most cases), you shouldn't compare your marriage. So today, I wanted to talk about the GOOD and the BAD of Marriage in your oppinion. Or the GOOD and BAD of your Marriage. Your choice. My only request is that if you write about the GOOD, you must write about the BAD.
Good: As for my marriage or marriage period, I like the commitment aspect. I like the fact that if you love someone and they love you that you agree to come together and create a family, a lifestyle, have common goals and work towards them, grow and enjoy life together. I like the family aspect. I personally knew who my father was/is, but he didn't father me. I even had a stepdad in the house for at least 10 years, but he didn't father me either. He was just there physically. I always knew something wasn't right about that and knew I didn't want that for my future. My husband is a great father and very involved in every aspect of our children's lives. I like the fact that we are a team when it comes to our children. I like the safe feeling my husband gives me. Not the fact that he takes care of me kind of safety but the fact that he is just here feeling. When he's home, it's like awwww daddy's home. When he's not, I hear every crack in the floor! I personally like the fact that my husband pays the bills! Yep, he sure does. And he pays them on time. He started paying the bills when I was pregnant with our first child b/c he didn't want me to stress out and afterward just kept doing it. I love always having someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of, and living with the person you should trust the most. And of course as far as intimacy without getting to graphic, I like being with one person you trust PERIOD! It's crazy out there, sometimes I feel for singles who have to get condoms, get sexual history, go get tested and still don't really know .... all before you have sex!
BAD: Sacrifices! Both parties make sacrifices BUT to me... women make more sacrifices. A woman takes care of her husband, the children and the house. When is it time for her dreams outside of the home? Can she have dreams outside of the home? When do they fit in? I mean TO ME, back in the day alot of women just wanted to do what I just stated above. But growing up as a child, I never thought about it from a parent perspective. I was just dreaming and working towards my goal. I knew one day I wanted a husband and children but I also wanted a career and to do great things outside of the mother-wife role. I didn't realize until I got married that as the WIFE that I would have to slow my roll! Another thing that I personally don't like that as a WIFE it seems like I am asking permission to do something from my husband versus just letting him know. I mean I am a grown a** woman! LOL! But still, that's the way it seems. I don't like the fact that as a WIFE you always have to watch what you say in reference to the MIGHTY MALE EGO! You always have to pump that EGO! WTW!! Make them feel good. Blah blah blah! Shoot! PUMP ME UP! Who is feeding my EGO! "I walk like this 'cause I can back it uuuup!" (~beyonce) I have more to say but I will let you all talk.
Go ahead ;)
Married life isn't always easy, but with the right person - It is always worth it. This blog is my journey in the mighty married life, showing the good, bad & the great. The hubby, the kids & just life! Some topics are sensitive and some are a blast! Either way, I am going to try to enjoy life!
8 comments:
Lol!! Okay I'm a bit partial to this because I think that the bad outweigh the good in most marriages. This doesn't have to be to the point of divorce bad, but I do feel like the wives sacrifice more and this leads to possible resentment. Like you addressed, "PUMP ME UP!" Too often wives put their dreams and goals on the backburner to make sure that it's all good on the home front with the husband and the kids. Then when we finally venture out....everything that could go wrong does and we are left holding the rope. Our husbands expect superhuman powers at any given moment(although we are pretty damn incredible)this is just too much! I think that it is easier to be the man in the relationship because their responsibilities don't even come close to what we endure on any given day. We stroke their ego by allowing them to believe they are head of the household, but if we look at this realistically, we(most wives) are the ones that contribute far greater to the stability of the household and the marriage. If there is a sacrifice to be made, we are usually expected to make it....example-Money is a little tight, so you decide that YOU could cut back on some of the things that you do because it's not mandatory, such as your weekly hair appointment...you've saved about 200$ a month...you're proud that you made that sacrifice until you notice that he goes and get that fade every week....we could be saving 280$ a month...I'm going to need him to buy some clippers okaaaay...we in this together, why doesn't he see that? Then when you bring it to your husband's attention, he say something crazy like..I can't go to work lookin rough...ooh but we can? It's things like this that have a wife like me bouts to go off. This may seem small but it goes to working together towards common goals and if as a couple you're not then the good times seem far and few. Don't get me wrong there are good times in the marriage, but I just feel like most people(married) always want to play the happy couple role when they know good and well they are "Ready to sign them papers!" (in my Usher voice), but because of the committment made before God,they work through the bad.
Oh yes, every marriage has those times when you are ready to send your husband "To the left, to the left"(Beyonce). I too have felt the frustrated times when my husband comes home worn out and tired and looking at me to fill in the gaps where he is too tired to help. I am thinking what do you think I have been doing all day!! I am tired too. Oh, and lets not forget that all mighty ego! Some women would say that their husband is their additional child. I however would never put my husband in the same place as my children. But, I will say a man's ego is very important and needs to be reassured that he is still number one and the MAN. Oh, and of course the cleaning up is apart of the bad. I didn't realize how many people I would be cleaning up behind. Now, I don't mind the smallest children because they don't know. But as soon as they can talk and walk they can learn to start picking up after themselves. So cleaning up constantly behind a grown person can be trying. Especially as the family grows. You can even try to work around the messy habits of your husband by designating him his own space. "Oh, honey I gave you THIS area just for all your grooming supplies just for you." But do they use that space? NO!! They end up migrating all around the house with their clippers and colognes, loose change, wallets, etc. Then instead of you just having to vaccum and straighten things up. Your going all around putting things up (things that should have been put back in the right place), reorganizing entire rooms, PUTTING the house back together!! !Then just when its all back together HE comes home and begins the process all over again!!! And he asks you what have you been doing, you say oh, nothing JUST cleaning.
And then, there are times while your "putting your house back together" you (remind/state/nag) to your husband that your tired of cleaning up after everybody. He'll say "You know that's the one complaint every wife/mother has is cleaning the whole house." Then you remember how he doesn't even clean it up right to begin with. So WHY am I complaining? Its those times when you are reminded of the core of why you married him, his PERSONALITY, his SPIRIT. And you can accept your blessings as a wife/ mother and smile and proudly clean your home as it IS your job. (The Virtuous Wife Proverbs 31:13) "...she willingly works with her hands, she is like the merchant ships she brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household.." The bible says "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her... she does him good and not evil." (Proverbs 31:10)
You know this past weekend my husband and I celebrated our 1st year anniversary. And as we told couples you would always hear how "bad" it seems to get in marriage. You could get a little nervous or scared about what the future will hold. But then I think about how much we have conquered as a union and I am thankful that with God's guidance and his word as our instructions our union can conquer whatever comes our way. And then I get excited about our marriage and accept all the roles we will both have to take as our lives grow.
Be Blessed.
Ariana, girl you said it, why complain when he's going to do a less than job anyway! I personally feel as though it should be a balance when it comes to cleaning, now I understand the description of the Prov.31 woman, but in my opinion, these are descriptions of different women not just one woman. It shows what the woman is capable of doing, not that she has too, it is a choice. I think that her virtue is in what she chooses to do...work, clean, nuture, business, education, etc, whatever it may be. Now the husband because he knows her virtue he is going to do everything in his power to support it(her virtue), this means helping her in every area providing the essentials to carry out these chosen duties. If your husband isn't supportive, understanding, or contributing in a major way, then it does feel like he is one of the kids...codependant. I simply can not respect a man who would put all the responsibility of managing a home and nuturing the marriage on the woman, and I'm sure that most women feel the same way. Then some men begin to say, "you talk to me like I'm a child", uuh ya think? This puts the woman in an akward situation, we know our role, but have been given double duty, the man's role too! This creates the bad in marriage, because now you have the woman as the dominant/authoritative figure in the marriage and what she really wants is to feel like a woman...not burden with the responsibility of "handling it" because her husband refuses to step up to the plate and be "a man". It has to be done and the majority of the time we do it and they take the credit. Why? I think we allow them to believe it because we don't want to (remind/state/nag)them, as you put it. Things are not going to always be sunny, you are definately going to have rain, but is it too much to ask that the men open our side of the car door before he jumps his ass in the car cause it is "raining"! You don't ever want to feel like your husband is so self-centered that he forgets that this is a union, if one falls the other should be there to uplift, not keep runnin. This is where the safety comes in at. As a woman of faith, I trust and know that God can only guide us if we listen and sometimes when we are speaking to our husbands it is God speaking through us, but if he fails to listen, as a union we will be defeated. So I think that men/husbands shouldn't be so quick to say that women/wives are nagging them. There is an order in marriage ordained by God and if we put Him in it then we can rest assured that the "bad" works out for OUR GOOD.
You both said a mouthful! A good mouthful! Love it! Realist, you had me cracking up talking about signing them papers! LOL
The WIFE
I THINK THERE SHOULD BE AN EQUAL BALANCE IN SHARING THE CLEANING AT HOME. I ALSO BELIEVE THAT HUSBANDS NEED TO DO THE DISHES AND ABSOLUTELY KNOW HOW TO RUN A HOUSEHOLD. WHAT IF THE WIFE HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL OR WAS BED-RIDDEN, HOW WOULD THE FAMILY COPE IN AN EMERGENCY? WHO WOULD COOK THEIR MEALS AND PREPARE THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES FOR THEIR CHILDREN? A MARRIAGE CAN DETERIORATE WHEN YOU TEND TO LOSE SIGHT OF WHY YOU LOVE ONE ANOTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE OR SOMEONE CHANGES AND DECIDES TO SEE OTHER WOMEN OR CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR UNFORSEEN REASONS. MARRIAGES WHETHER THEY ARE GOOD OR BAD, ARE A FULL-TIME JOB THAT NEEDS CONSTANT WORK TO KEEP MAINTAINING A HEALTHY AND VIABLE RELATIONSHIP. IF SOMEONE GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT MARRIAGE, THE BEST THING TO DO IS TALK TO GOD IN PRAYER AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE BEST ADVICE POSSIBLE. GOD MAKES A WAY, WHEN WE THINK IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. SO, CHERISH THE MOMENTS YOU HAVE TOGETHER IN UNIONIFICATION OF LOVE SINCE LOVE ENDURETHS ALL THINGS................
I hear you all and much of it sounds oh so familiar. Including losing focus. It's hard to keep focus when the sweat from your brow ; after scrubbing and cleaning all damn day, is running into your eyes when that @$# walks in from work talkin' 'bout "YOU DIDN'T PUT THE FOOD ON THE TABLE" and when you give him that look, he says in a condescending voice "I see your tired, I'll serve myself." You damn right you'll serve yourself. You better be happy you have a hot meal. Like you WIFE, I knew my father and still know him very well, but I was raised mainly by my mom and her family. My grandmother was divorced and my parents were separated. I married a man who was raised by both parents that are very traditional. His dad is a true bread winner and his mom is a true stay at home mom. My mother in-law is great, but I don't think she could follow detailed instructions if they were written on the back of her hand. My father in-law is a brain, but he married someone that truly has no other purpose, but than to live eat and breath her husband and children. When you say pump your husband up, I thought of her. She even has nicknames and catch phrases for his ass when she is telling people how great he is. P stands for ___ etc. each initial has a word of praise. You would think she was writing cheers for a game. I know I have gotten a bit off subject, but like many stay at home moms when I have time to myself I need to vent and this is the best place for it. CHEERS!!
MAN! The last comment kept it real like a mug! LOL. But for real, that's why I love this blog because women keep it real.
Wife B
I can honestly say I have a great husband. H cooks, clean, take care of the baby. This all after he has gotten off of work.
The good: I have someone I can trust and depend on. He supports me not matter how crazy an idea maybe. He encourages and motivates me. He is very optimistic where as I am very pessimistic. Marriagfe has forced us to face our fears, b/c if I was single w/no kids, I would walk.
The bad: knowing if I am pissed off I just can't leave b/c I made a vow and I intend to obey it. Things get old or boring b/c you kind of have a routine. And let's not talk about inlaws or trying to break your mates bad habits.
Oh how I love being married to my knight in shing armour
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