Friday, May 28, 2010

The IN-LAWS or The WIFE?

Dear WIFE,
Who should the husband listen to? His momma or his main lady? What should I think of a man that is always running to his parents for advice or whatever? Has your husband ever had to choose between his parents and you?

A wife with in-law issues!

Dear Wife with In-law issues,
Oooooh this is a good one. Just looking at the topic alone, I would automatically say choose "The WIFE". I am not going to quote the bible right now, but you know it says "cleave and become one". I believe once you say I do, then your spouse becomes a part of you and should be number 1. Not his mama or your mama (or the daddy's), but your spouse. It may be hard to say, but choosing between a parent and a spouse shouldn't be a question or an option. It comes a point in the parents life, that they have to let go and let live. A good parent would not even try to come between their child and spouse, but speak when asked and let them deal with their own issues. And when I say speak when asked, I mean if she sees the couple having a slight argument in front of her - she shouldn't just bud in and give her two cents saying, "What I would do baby is this ...."

Speaking from a WIFES perspective, I have an o-k relationship with my in-laws. I would love love love for it to be better. I think it was on it's way to being real good but they moved to another state 1 month before we said, "I do." So now we actually see them a few times a year.  And when we do, we get along just fine but it's not all lovey dovey. I will say this about his parents, they do not get involved with our problems. His mother and father are still married and they respect our marriage. She helps when I ask (if I ask and that is few and far in between). I never see my husband running to his mother about me or our problems. I will say this - at times he did call them, we agreed on calling them before we made the call. And if we ever call - for us, it's a question about the kids, food, house stuff.... NEVER ABOUT OUR PERSONAL ARGUMENTS (again, unless we agree together to call them). And honestly, his mother has taken my sides quite a few times! But if it's an issue where your husband is always calling his mother, always.... ask him WHY? If my husband was always calling his mother (besides the regular check up and I love you calls) to ask advice and talking about US (you know what I mean), I would wonder what he really thinks of me, or us! Why can't we (meaning you all) just work it out? Why bring the parents into it?  As for my mother, she hardly knows anything personal that goes on in here! If she knows it, it's because she was over here when we were talking about it! But you have to know my mom to know why!  Hope this helps, and I hope some WIFES chime in. God's Favor.

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