Sunday, June 13, 2010

Is your marriage a JOB or a Career?

* Had a great - long weekend. I also saw Karate Kid with my husband and son. Two words: LOVED IT. I actually cried at the end. Man, I felt his pain. I was bullied too so I knew how he felt. But who gets the last laugh! We did! (Jaden and I)*

Ok. Is your marriage a JOB or a Career? I actually got this question from my pastor during a sermon some weeks back. When he first said it, I was like "WHEWWW" blown away because I never thought of it like that and immediately wrote it down. He start comparing a job versus a career and then started relating it to marriage. What is the difference between a Job and a Career to you? For me a job is a place at this point in my life that I really don't want to have. If I have a job then it's just a stepping stone to my career. A job is a place that I wouldn't want to be at for too long. And sometimes the job you have - you settled for because it's not the real career you always dreamed you have. Sometimes you settle for a job because the money pays the bills. Everyday you go hoping something better will come along or you just allow your self to be content with what you have because you mind says, "At least I have a job!" Is your marriage a JOB? Did you settle when you married your spouse? Is your mind completely there? Did you marry him because you knew he would be a good provider and father to the children, but he wasn't necessarily the love of your life? Are you always wondering what could have been? Even as bold as looking for something better? Do you work hard in your marriage (job) to make it better or you settle for the current state it's in?
A career to me is something that I am doing that I have always wanted to do. Or have at least worked myself up the ladder to this current position and in some way feel that "I have arrived" or "I am surely on my way." When you have a career, you are happy to tell people what you do, where you work and your struggles to the top. You still have valleys in the career but it's no other place you rather be. When you have a career, if you stop working for one company, you will go to another to do the exact same thing - hopefully making more money! In most cases, you prepare for years for your career. You go to school. You intern. You do your research on the career. You might even work for free just to get experience. You see yourself in that position. Is your marriage a Career? Do you love being there? Did you always dream of being with your husband and now that you have him - you will do anything to make the marriage the best it can be. Do you want to be there? Are you always trying to keep things spicy? Do you feel this marriage is what you worked for? You researched marriage and what a WIFE is, you did the pre-martial counseling (not saying that it's a pre-requisite but in your mind you wanted to cover all the bases).
Again, for me it was really something to think about when I heard the question. I started to question myself and what I thought my marriage was based on my actions, thoughts and feelings. Interesting find. Ask yourself.


Mr. Man. said...

I think a lot of people look at their marriage as a job. The have been told you have to work at it everyday. Or it’s hard work to stay happy. Some people even like the ideal of jumping from job to job. They say they are trying to find themselves. But like with everything it takes time to really get to know everything about a job. Why spend 4 or 5 years in a job, when you can invest that time in a career. No matter where you work there will be good days and bad days. You will have people that are always talking about some one else. Some one is trying to find a way to cheat the system to get ahead. So when you leave one job and go to another the only thing that change is the location. You still have the same problems, but now you have even less knowledge of whose who. The same thing goes in a marriage. One must first have a mindset that the marriage is forever. Like our pastor was teaching and saying life is a journey. Why keep changing passengers. Find some one that is willing to go the distance with you and go for it. I say find a co-pilot and not a passenger. The only perfect marriage is the one with Jesus marriage to the church. There will be ups and downs in any marriage. It’s the good times and memories that help you get through the hard times. When you are on the mountain top, take time to reflect on the beauty of the view while up there. Don’t dwell on the valleys. In a job you are always looking for something better. You don’t perform to the best of your ability because you don’t plan on being their long anyway. The problem is you look up and 10, 15 or even 20 years pass and you haven’t accomplished anything. A job can end at any given time for any reason. A career goes the distance, because it carries over from one place to another. Treat your marriage as such. So you can retire with benefits. Like the benefit of talking about the new experiences you have experienced together. Not saying yes I went there or I did that and your spouse has not. Or looking forward to the new adventures as you mature together. Building a legacy together that you can both look over and be proud of you accomplishments yes every marriage should be look upon as a career. This is one man’s opinion.
Mr. Man.

The WIFE said...

I like your Opinion Mr. Man! I truly do! Keep them coming! And I like what you said about being find a Co-Pilot!