Tuesday, July 6, 2010

If you’re married can a single person be your best friend?

I ask that question because I have been in church many times when it is discussed that Married folk can’t do what single folk can and vice versa. So with that being said, can a single person really be your best friend. I believe they can but it is definitely some things you will not be able to share because they can not relate. For example, I have a friend who IS single and she can kick it whenever she wants, go wherever she wants when she wants. She calls me up and says, “Want go see this show or can we go to this show?” And inside I want to be like, “HELL YES! I WILL MEET YOU THERE!” But, the reality is, I have to check with my husband!  I have to see if our schedules cross, make sure the children are taking care of, etc. And shoot, sometimes your husband just doesn’t want you to go. He might want your time or he might just want you at home! Can your single friend understand that? I can hear her now, “He said you can’t go?!” Now I didn’t say he said that – but that’s how she heard it! Sometimes if you have never been married, it’s hard to understand that you really are one and you make decisions together. Don’t get me wrong – you have your own desires and dreams – but your spouse should be standing right there to support you and push you! Can your single friend (who has never been married) give you advice when you are going through? They are seeing your situation from a single stand point, an independent standpoint.

Let’s reverse it. What if your husband’s BFF was single. He was always hanging at the club and wanting your hubby to tag along! Why not? That’s his boy right? Is that cool with you? When they are at the bar…. His friend can look and touch! Your hubby can’t.

I am not saying a single and married person can’t be the best of friends because I believe they can, but it will be definitely things that the other might not understand. And you can’t be upset at them for not “getting it”. They are not in your shoes.


Anonymous said...

Yes, a single person can be your best friend as long as you set the boundries and keep your buisness and opinions to yourself. My best friend is single, but was once married. I have cut out a lot of things i feel i dont need to do because i got married. i regret it a little because i get overwhelmed. My hubby's associates are single and it others me a bit because they always ask him out. It is cool occasionally, but not all the time. it annoys me a little too cause they dont include there women in nothing and i do all the time. that is what bothers me because his friends can touch and feel and my hubby cant. I always wander if he would.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I believe you can because my BFF's are single and married... But things slightly change w/that friendship when your married bc you now have a husband and children to consider. Also you can't share everything with that single friend, bc a single person does not understand ups and downs in a marriage and will give you "single people" advice. And... See More that is NOT what a married lady needs to hear... Now when I say this, I am referring to those that are truly saved bc I have had some married friends to says some things that made me look twice at them and check out their ring finger (lol).

Anonymous said...

Yes, I absolutely believe that you can be married and your BFF can be single. My bestfriend and I have been friends since we were both 15. It just so happened that I got married, and she hasn't (yet), but that should not hinder our friendship. I can always be myself with her, and I know where to draw the line as far as when the topic of marriage/relationships comes up. My husband also has single friends, all of which I am friends with too, and I am not intimidated in the least by their friendship.

We don't go to clubs, my friends are not out drinking, man-bashing or behaving in a way that I wouldn't not normally behave. I actually have many single friends, my husband knows all of them and has no problem at all with them-or me being friends with them. I am able to open up and be myself with my friends (about things other than marriage), and best of all, they don't have a husband to go home and share all of my personal business with. :-)

WifeQ said...

I definitely think you can be married and your BF can be single. One of my BFF is single, and we have a great relationship. I must say at first when i got married, it was a hard transition for her, bc she did not understand I could not do the things that i use to do, and go as freely as before...not that I was on lock down, but sometimes on Friday or Saturday my hubby wanted me home and wanted to spend time, not neccesary out hanging with my friends. Things were different, my priorities change. She use to say my hubby was trying to keep me away from her and my others friends. Our friendship kinda lack for minute there. As time progress, and other friends got married she quickly understood what the deal was. We are great friends now. Of course there are certain things and issues i dont discuss with her about my marriage, and she respects that.
My hubby has no problem with any of my single friends, which is great...now for me. It depends on the friend! lol My hubby had a friend, who was just to clingy..i personally thought. He was single, so I just couldnt understand why he had so much time to contact him, so much time be at our house on the weekend, I would ask... you dont have a date to go on...I even hooked him up with my BF I mention. It seem like he was just around all the time, and was taking up some of me and hubby time. I discuss the issue with hubby, and he quickly fixed, sometime i even ask him....where is !!@@@@#$$$! lol! But overall I dont have a problem with hubbys single friends, as he is cool with mines.

Mr. Man. said...

I think it possible, but you have to truly define “friend”. Because a true friend is not going to say or do anything that will jeopardize your happiness. A true friend can lend an ear to hear your gripes or complaints while at the same time they can be objective in giving advice. They know that there are boundaries that they should not cross. If they are having a night out it’s only right that they invite you as a couple. If the spouse want a night out it should be a decision that both are comfortable with. And know that what happens in the marriage stay in the marriage. Your friends should have no input on your ups and downs in your marriage. And don’t forget the old saying birds of a feather flock together. So I would not want to spend a lot of time if any with a bunch of single men because we have two different minds set and the stronger of the two will prevail. I am not saying its bad to have single friends, but to be mindful of the pit falls that are out there for the sole purpose of sidetrack you on your journey of life. An important thing to remember is you should have all friends in common. I’m not saying your friend has to be his or his yours, but your spouse should know your friends. If something happened to you they will have an idea where to check on you. I’m just saying.
Mr. Man.