Is it ok for your BEST FRIEND to date your EX-Husband?

I was watching Private Practice last night on ABC and the main character Addision is secretly seeing her best friends ex, Sam. You can feel the chemistry between the two. They even look good together. On-screen they are both into each other. BUT BUT BUT the best friend of Addison, ex wife Naomi; doesn't know. Sam is fine with the fact of going public with the relationship, but Addison is struggling with telling Naomi. I can see why she is struggling - that is her best friend! And that's a line best friends don't cross. No ex-boyfriends and no ex-husbands. Because I watch the show, I know that there was nothing going on between Addison and Sam, while he was married to Naomi. The chemistry started to develop over the last 2 seasons. The question is, will the EX wife believe that? Here come the questions: "Were you two sneaking around behind my back our entire marriage?", "Were you always attracted to my husband?", "How long has this been going on?" "What if you have a baby by him?" A friend of mine posted this question on Facebook and my response was, not in real life.

I could forgive a friend dating an ex-boyfriend. I have forgiven friends for doing that to me. I have had two or three different friends date boys after I did. And at the time it hurt like hell. I was madder at my friends then the dude because it was an act of betrayal. Here I have told you all my secrets, good things and bad things about this dude and then you go and see for yourself. I got over it and remain friends but never really trusted them on a best friend level and definitely not around new boyfriends. Isn't that a shame? I even got one back! But that's another blog.

I don't think any woman would be cool with her very best friend dating her EX husband. Usually if you have a VERY BEST friend - that relationship will out last a marriage (if you get divorced!) and if that friend starts seeing your EX, he now becomes a part of your life in a whole new way. I don't think I could handle seeing my ex husband (I am not divorced but I am just saying) with my friend, no matter what the reason for divorce was. We would go from being best friends to just cool.

Emotional Affair vs. Friendship

Which is worse? A physical affair or an emotional affair? Do you know the difference? A physical affair is mainly a physical thing. You had sex and now you can really walk away and it meant nothing (well it meant something but this type of affair is easy for men to partake in). An emotional affair is when your heart and mind gets involved. It's dangerous because once the mind is gone - the body will follow. Many times people who haven't had sex with their 'so called friend' doesn't realized just how connected to this 'friend' they have become. Below are some major differences between what a "Friend" vs. the components of "An Emotional Affair" really is.

Friendship:

1. You love your friend and you can do anything for him, but one thing you cannot do.. you cannot imagine having sex with him. At the very least, if you close your eyes and imagine having sex with your friend...you don't get turned on. (Okay some friends are good looking and you CAN imagine having sex with him... but you just don't).
2. You don't share details of your relationship especially its troubles to your significant friend. Those are just for the same-sex support group.
3. You look forward to catch up with your friend socially, but you don't keep wanting to see him when you're with your partner.
4. Your partner knows about your friend, also knows when you are actually catching up with your friend.
5. Your partner supports your friendship with your friend.
6. You don't daydream and fantasize about your friend a lot.
7. You don't tend to hide your not-so-good side from your friend.
8. There are more things that your partner knows that your friend doesn't know of.
9. You don't think twice to set your friend up with someone, and you feel happy when you see your friend go on dates.
10. You smile when you think about your friend getting married.

Emotional Affair:
1. There is some sort of chemistry attraction developed - even subconsciously. You wonder how it is to kiss your friend or to touch him. You imagine having sex with him.
2. You share details of your relationship to your friend. In fact, you love sharing your trouble and you love it when your friend listens to you so well.
3. You look forward to catch up with your friend even when you are with your partner. You think of your friend some when in the middle of your supposedly romantic night with your partner.
4. Your friend's name come up way too often in conversations.
5. You hide some information about your friendship from your partner. You lie when asked for information on how you two spent your time together.
6. You find yourself saying the magic phrase 'But we are just friends' on many occasions.
7. Your friend knows more intimate things about you compared to your partner.
8. You day dream about your friend a lot.
9. Your partner is unsupportive of your friendship. Somehow this friend of yours bother your partner.
10. You are jealous towards your friend's date. You secretly hope he will stay together with you rather than finding her true love.

We are all subject to emotional affair, and knowing your vulnerability against it is actually a good thing.
Attraction is not a choice, cheating is definitely a choice. If you find yourself starting to get trapped into the emotional affair world. Make considerable effort to get out of it.

For Colored Girls Trailer 2010 HD

A friend emailed this too me and I really would like to see this movie. I have always wanted to see the play but for whatever reason, I haven't been able to. This movie comes out November 2010 and I feel a girls night coming on! Check out the trailer and share it with friends.

Just a few things.....

Good Monday Morning Ladies.

Today is my 7th Wedding Anniversary. Wow 10 years together, 7 years married. Time has really gone by. I am really not sure what we are going to do today and honestly it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal because we just went on a cruise and had a great time, so I told him don't spend any extra on me. Only thing I wanted to do because we are both at home today and the children are at school, is go to the movies to see Takers. Not sure if that will happen because my grandparents are visiting me from Tennessee and she (granny) might want me to run her around. We'll see. I am still thinking about the fact that I have been married 7 years! Who would have thought? Who would have thought how hard marriage would be? How much sacrificing I would have to do? No one ever tells you that! Who would have thought about all the great things that happen just because you're married as well? If you are single and never been married - MARRIAGE IS WORK! Marriage (a good marriage) is a blessing too. And I will honestly admit that I have a GOOD husband. I am truly thankful.

WIVES READ TOO!
That leads me to my next topic, Getting to Happy written by Terry McMillian, and how this books takes place 15 years later (from where Waiting to Exhale left off). We are reading this book, so please get it and be ready to discuss it! But it's a 362 page book. I am on page 208 and started reading this book Friday! It's a page turner and now that I am older and married I can relate so much more to SOME of the things they say and I have friends that I can identify in this book too. Most of all it makes me think about my own marriage and wonder ........ I will wait for the book discussion to say it. Friday, we went out to dinner with 5 other married couples and 2 of the women mentioned the book club and asked have we started reading the book? OF COURSE LADIES! GET THE BOOK! We are reading! We are reading! :)

FREE MUSEUM DAY - September 25, 2010
Enjoy a day out with the family…for free! The 6th Annual Smithsonian Museum Day takes place this year on Sept. 25th.  You can get 2 FREE admission passes to many museums nationwide!
Click Here for 2 Free Passes and register for the Museum of your choice!
I actually got 2 passes for the Center of Puppetry Arts and plan to take my children this coming Saturday. I am also taking my son to a Mocha Moms event, B.O.B, Boys Booked on Barbershops. Boys Booked on Barbershops is a national, cutting edge literacy program designed to make the most of naturally occurring opportunities for young children to read in familiar neighborhood sites such as barbershops. Mocha Moms chapters throughout the country are working with barbershops in their communities to set up reading nooks with a wide variety of books designed to spark the interest of young boys. The overall goal of B-BOB is to facilitate the ongoing practice of reading as boys make their regular visits to barbershops.


Have a great day ladies and please continue to send me topics!
P.S.
I hear my granny in the kitchen talking to my husband..................I guess I have to go now! LOL

If you could go back in time - what would you tell your 17 year old self?

Ok! There you are with your cap and gown on..... You are nervous because you are about to cross the stage in 45 minutes! You are about to graduate high school. You are 17 and ready to conquer the world. You have no idea what tomorrow really holds for you but today you are just happy to have made it this far. This really is the first day of the rest of your life. BUT WAIT!!!! Who is the commencement speaker? You seem to recognize the person taking the podium. It's you current day! It's you in your 30's, 40's, or even 50's. However old you are today, it’s you! You have a special message for your 17 year old self.


Have you ever said, "If I knew then, what I know now!" I think we all have said it. Well, if you had the opportunity to give your 17 year old self some advice, what would you tell yourself? Would you change anything? Would you keep it the same?

I remember when I was 17 and graduated high school. It was June 4, 1994. It's funny because the very same day I graduated high school was the same day OJ was chased on the highway with the white bronco! But that was a proud day for me and my family. I didn't know what the future held for me but I knew I was going to college. If I could have a one-on-one with myself I would tell her (Lady B) so much! The number one thing I would tell her was to start following your dream today! Don't wait on this great cloud from the sky to come down and appear....make your own dream reality. I would tell her please don't settle in love. If you really love someone and you know he's the one, make it work. I would tell her make GREAT choices everyday because they affect your tomorrow. I would tell her to start saving TODAY and by the time you are in your 30's you will have a great savings! I would tell her parenthood is hard but rewarding and make sure you are emotionally, mentally, and financially ready! I would tell her to pray more and give God more time. I would tell her to move to either LA, New York, or back to Chicago after graduation. I would have to tell her not to change her major from communications to marketing. I would have told her to start a business in her 20's, and be a giver.

There is so much more I want to tell this 17 year old young lady, I am just choosing not to go that deep right now. I actually don't have too many regrets but I did have a few forks in the road that would have changed my life depending on what I chose. I would never know the results of my life if I would have taken the other options. I do wonder sometimes though.

What about you? What would you tell your 17 year old self?

Dr. Oz Sweet Potato, Mango & Honey Face Mask

Doctor Oz's viewer gave this anti-aging facial home remedy and Dr Oz said that it does work! Sweet potatoes have some of the best anti-inflammatory properties. Mangoes and honey fight off free radical damage that the sun causes which can cause wrinkles in our skin and premature aging.

Here is the complete recipe for Sweet Potato, Mango & Honey Face Mask.

What You Need:

- 1 small sweet potato
- 1 mango
- 5 TB honey

Instructions:
1. Poke holes in your sweet potato with a fork and pop it in the microwave for 10 minutes.
2. Alternatively, you can cut up the sweet potato and boil it in a pot of water for 30 minutes.
3. Scoop out the inside of a mango and smash it up.
4. Scoop out the inside of the sweet potato and smash it up.
5. Mix together the smashed mango, sweet potato and honey.
6. Once the mixture has cooled off, apply it to your face or body.
7. Relax for 10 minutes.
8. Rinse the mango, sweet potato & honey face mask off with warm water.

OK Ladies, I just tried this facial. I literally just wiped it off. I will say, I will do this again. Of course this was my first time doing THIS type of facial so you don't see a DRAMATIC difference but I do a difference. My skin felt smooth and it just had a small clean glow. And I am sure if I do this regularly over time, I will see more of a difference. Also, it's only 3 simple & natural ingredients and not hard to apply. I did add cucumbers to my eyes for puffiness and the other benefits that a cucumber brings. I will say this - although I just washed it off, I will still go and wash my facial with my regular facial wash later (Aveeno Positively Radiant). 

If you try it please feel free to come back and write about it.

Have a great day.

Is it ever OK to go through your spouse's cell phone?

Good morning all,

I hope your Friday will be a blessed one and your weekend will be full of GOOD surprises. The topic today comes from a good friend of mine, Tosha! Is it ever OK to go through your spouse's cell phone? Well, is it? Does it matter if they know or not? Meaning is it ok to grab it while your spouse is right in front of you or while they are in the shower? I really think it's a personal preference.

How often are you looking through their phone? Is it daily, weekly, monthly - or once in a blue moon to just make sure everything is on the up and up. It's a difference to look through their phone because you are specifically looking for a number of a mutual friend that you might not have in your phone (that's what my husband told me when I walked in the room and he had my phone ;), versus actually picking up the phone with intentions to find something that shouldn't be there (text, photo, email, numbers of another chick, etc.). Most of the time - people are only looking because they either want to find something or make sure their worst fear is not reality. BUT if you are checking your spouses phone ALL-THE-FREAKING-TIME - I would ask myself WHY? Did he do something that made you suspicious? Did you do something, so now you think he might be doing something (ummm hummm, gotcha!)? Are you just insecure? Do you have a constant TRUST problem? Or do you just want to know sometimes that he is still doing the right thing?

I am not saying it is OK or NOT OK to go though their phone. It's a question to ponder on and do what works for you. Have I gone through my husbands phone. Yes. Have I ever found something I didn't like sent by him? Actually NO. Do I do it ALL the time? Absolutely No. I can't count on one hand in the 7 years (this September is our anniversary!) that I have looked on his phone. Why, because he behavior doesn't make me desire to look at who he is calling, texting or whose calling or texting him. I think my curious (nosey) self is what caused me to look in the first place. You know what.......since the question was asked, I will just answer.... Yep, it's ok sometimes! BUT as long as it's ok if he goes through yours sometimes too.

Funny story - A friend of mine has a friend whose husband had pick up HER cell phone and started going through it! Well low and behold he found a naked picture of Trey Songz and I have seen that picture - MAN OH MAN is all I have to say! The husband asked her to remove the picture! The wife had received the picture via a text from another friend and let the husband know. He still ask that she remove it. And even though it was a CELEBRITY, not his co-worker, ex-girlfriend, church member (lol) he still wanted it off. Sooooooo, if your hubby had a naked picture of Beyonce on his phone - would you ask him to remove it. I probably DEFINITELY would. Like I said, I saw the picture of Trey Songz and kept it moving, I didn't save or store it. It's nothing I would be holding on too for sad and lonely nights so why should the hubby. Sorry I went off on a tangent.

Have a great weekend!

Is it OK for your Husband (spouse) to have pictures of his EX?

Hello everyone. I am sorry for the long delay in blog updates but my husband took me away for a week. We went on a very nice 5 day cruise to Cozumel and Grand Cayman (alone) and then spent 3 days in Florida (with the kids) along with his family. It was a very refreshing week. We came home yesterday but my husband had family in town for a championship soccer game so we spent Sunday evening and Monday morning with them. Then, this afternoon we went to a Fish Fry which was so much fun. So tomorrow starts my reality check!

Ok.... now to the question. A friend of mine actually sent this out to me and some other friends and I thought it would be a good topic question. Well, is it ok for your spouse to have pictures of his EX? As for me, I really can't tell him to throw all his pictures away - I mean, I am married to him and not the EX girlfriends. Now I would not want pictures of the EX's in a frame sitting on our fireplace - that's for sure! But I have pictures of my ex boyfriends in boxes - that I never go in (had to mention that), so how could I tell my husband he has to throw his pictures away. For the record, I have only seen one picture of my husband and an old girlfriend or date. It was for a dance or prom (not really sure). Where is that picture now? I am not sure but after I saw it, I didn't go off and say, "OK now you have to throw that away because I am the only chick in your life!" I actually laughed at how crazy they both looked.

Like I said, I have pictures and I don't really want to be told I have to throw them away. My pictures tell a story of my life and experiences, but with that being said - I am not sitting in my living room floor pawning over my past looking at pictures of ex-boyfriends. So can my husband have pictures of his EX? Yes, he can have his pictures that are with his other past, childhood, college days pictures - like I do! He can't have them in a special freaking envelope in his night stand with an old letter! LIS! Because then I am like - "What are you really holding on too?"

What do you think?

Book Club Starts Today - Terry McMillian's New Book!

Hello Ladies - today is the day. The book hits stores so let's get it and start reading. I have emailed many of you that responded to the book club Facebook Information Status.

Please stay tuned for email and blog updates concerning the book and please read the previous post for more information!

Bernetta