Thursday, September 30, 2010

Is it ok for your BEST FRIEND to date your EX-Husband?

I was watching Private Practice last night on ABC and the main character Addision is secretly seeing her best friends ex, Sam. You can feel the chemistry between the two. They even look good together. On-screen they are both into each other. BUT BUT BUT the best friend of Addison, ex wife Naomi; doesn't know. Sam is fine with the fact of going public with the relationship, but Addison is struggling with telling Naomi. I can see why she is struggling - that is her best friend! And that's a line best friends don't cross. No ex-boyfriends and no ex-husbands. Because I watch the show, I know that there was nothing going on between Addison and Sam, while he was married to Naomi. The chemistry started to develop over the last 2 seasons. The question is, will the EX wife believe that? Here come the questions: "Were you two sneaking around behind my back our entire marriage?", "Were you always attracted to my husband?", "How long has this been going on?" "What if you have a baby by him?" A friend of mine posted this question on Facebook and my response was, not in real life.

I could forgive a friend dating an ex-boyfriend. I have forgiven friends for doing that to me. I have had two or three different friends date boys after I did. And at the time it hurt like hell. I was madder at my friends then the dude because it was an act of betrayal. Here I have told you all my secrets, good things and bad things about this dude and then you go and see for yourself. I got over it and remain friends but never really trusted them on a best friend level and definitely not around new boyfriends. Isn't that a shame? I even got one back! But that's another blog.

I don't think any woman would be cool with her very best friend dating her EX husband. Usually if you have a VERY BEST friend - that relationship will out last a marriage (if you get divorced!) and if that friend starts seeing your EX, he now becomes a part of your life in a whole new way. I don't think I could handle seeing my ex husband (I am not divorced but I am just saying) with my friend, no matter what the reason for divorce was. We would go from being best friends to just cool.


Michele said...

Most definitely not. I think that is the biggest form of betrayal from both parties. I'm with you ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands are off limits. If my ex-husband (I've never been married) would even consider dating my best friend it would show me what morales and kind of values he has.

Lady G said...

My best friend never dated my ex-husband. There are boundaries that you should never cross so this is one of them unless your ex-husband cheats on you, you find out and break-up and start seeing his best friend.

Anonymous said...

My ex husband is dating a girl that I used to be best friends with. Before her he went through 3 other so called 'friends' I divorced him because of infidelity and he obviously didn't like it. I am appalled that these women would even for a second THINK that he would treat them any differently than he did me. It just goes to show WHO they are: crappy slutty people with no boundaries. Which is why I stopped associating with them.

An ex's friends are so off limits. I think of dating his old friends and it is unfathomable to me. People are so selfish and don't think about how their actions are about to effect others. OR THEIR CHILDREN INVOLVED.

Anonymous said...

My good friend ( not so much anymore now) texts me tonight to let me know she's on a date. When I ask who the lucky guy is, she says it's a secret. Then I tell her if he's such a great guy why be a secret? So she proceeds to tell me she can't stand it anymore but she's "dating" my ex- husband!!! WTF? Although I've been divorced from him for 18 years now, I feel betrayed! Not to mention threatened in some way. The funny thing is that it's never gonna last for they are both recovering alcoholics, she 30 days and him 5. Everyone knows that your first year of sobriety is the hardest and being in a codependent relationship is extremely unhealthy! What saddens me too is he doesn't see that she's after his money, now that he's become a millionaire,
. she uses people and in her last marriage, she was unfaithful to her husband. As the saying goes, once a cheater always a cheater! Plus the fact she works for him... How stupid are you to be sleeping w your boss?!!!!

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Thanks again.